In a way I kind of know what is wrong with me but my feelings go deeper and go way beyond what my disorder says I am. 2 years ago I was diagnosed with "social anxiety" I was always worried about what people thought of me, how they viewed me and constantly felt I was always being judged. I could never speak in front of a crowd without getting a panic attack.
But there is something else I am feeling...When it comes to my relationship:
my boyfriend has never given me a reason not to trust him but yet every time he goes out I cry my eyes out. I crawl on my hands and knees and beg him not to leave. I tell him I can't live without him and if he doesn't stay I will die of sadness. Then, when he does leave (especially if we are fighting) I bury my hands in my face and cry and cry for hours and hours as hard as I can. I then feel as though I don't have anybody and that everyone in the world is out to get me. My sadness that I feel at that time is unbearable, I just want to go to sleep and sleep it off so I don;t have to bear with the deep sadness that I am feeling. It's overwhelming. Also, other times we fight I tell him to leave and when he does leave I get in front of him and cry and tell him not to go. He told me once he couldn't be with me because of my "psycho" attacks and I got so mad that a smacked him on his face.
What is wrong with me!
I have everything in the world. I have a great family, great boyfriend, great job, great friends! But i've allowed myself to get so attached to my boyfriend where I don;t want him to have a life outside of mine. I want him to never hang out with his friend because I can;t bear to be without him....
Something is wrong with me, someone please help me understand!
Hi darling, I know exactly how u feel I have panic attacks out in public on my own because I feel everyone is watching me it makes me terribly paranoid it doesnt help I have obsessional compulsive disorder, I know what is like with your boyfriend too if me and my boyf had a fight I would cry for hours I wouldnt go to work ect ect it was because I depended on my boyfriend too much he was my world and the only person in it.
You sound like you may need medication or councilling maybe because this is whats brought me through it and made me stronger now I dont batter an eye lid if he sleeps downstairs after an argument I got stronger and depended on myself ok im still a bit jealous over him but im certain that will go because iv come through this you sound like you may have a touch of depression babes so I would get that under control before it gets worse apart from that low self esteem doesnt help I know just get stronger and depend on yourself dont see your boyfriend as the only person in your life theres a lot more out there in life then your boyfriend believe me he will only push you away and resent you for it and the feeling when you begin to get stronger and the worlds your oyster because your doing it by yourself is unberlievable!!! Good luck and take care post me if you ever need anything ok.Xx
First of all have u controlled these panic attacks or are they still controlling u because ive been there if you have not your selfeesteam can be very low which does affect your relationship you need help have u done any councelling?