This is a great list. I have suffered from many of the listed symptoms.
I was diagnosed with severe depression almost 5 years ago. I got married and then for some reason I have it stuck in my head that I got a girl pregnant and I will get a knock on the door. I have decided that I can not live with myself if I have done this because I would have ruined so many peoples lives. Even though I have followed up with these girls and they have had every opportunity to contact me, I still have the ill feeling in my stomach that it is going to happen and I will lose everything that I love.
When I am not feeling like this, I think I have some disease (this time round HIV) I have had the test a number of times in the past 5 years an all have come up negative, but I just move on to the next disease or go back to getting a girl pregnant.
I wish constantly that I was dead and pray for a heart attach that will kill me instantly.
I am fortunate that I have a very loving and understanding wife who helps me through and things start to go right, but then I feel guilty for being happy and end back at square one.
I am going cray writing this, part of me is laughing saying how ridiculous this whole thing is because if it was going to happen it would have happened now (both pregnancy and disease) but the other half is saying maybe it could happen.
I am screwed up and can't get myself out of this cycle, if anyone has any tricks on how they are coping it would be great to give it a try.
