I'm not quite sure how to start this.
For one thing, I think it's sad that so many people get backed into a corner on this one.
I was in the same place when I got pregnant. And I ended up smoking through the whole pregnancy, unfortunately. I felt, and still feel that it's impossible to ask for support, the minute you do people are looking down their nose at you for doing it in the first place. I never felt that I could even reach out for help because there would always be someone judging me right away, the more people looked down on me the harder it was for me to give it up, because I felt anxious all the time.
Imagine going into your doctor with, say, an infection. You expect the doctor to treat you, but instead the doctor says "what the hell is wrong with you, getting an infection. Just stop being infected!" and sends you on your merry way. I have never understood how people rationalize making people feel small as a means of overcoming an addiction, especially an addiction that is soothing. If you use something for years as a way of calming yourself, people making you feel bad is only going to result in a need to calm yourself.
Addiction is a powerful thing. It's not a logical thing, and loving someone enough doesn't make it easier to overcome. I love my son more than anything in the world, but that doesn't help so much when every part of me is screaming for a cigarette.
I really wish that society in general would stop treating smokers like modern-day lepers and instead try supporting and helping others to give up the habit, because contrary to what people think, the majority of us don't want to do it. Personally I wish i'd never started, but I did so now I have to find a way to break free from it, easier said than done.
I think the best advice is don't overwhelm yourself, setting the bar too high. Think about how to not smoke that next cigarette, not how you're going to make it through the day or week or month. Wait 10 minutes before you smoke, often the craving will have disappeared by then. Don't kick yourself if you cave in and have one, and don't let one cigarette blow your effort. Keep trying even if you do give in once or twice. One cigarette a day is far more healthy than 20, even if it's not ideal.
And try to find people to support you in it.
I checked on this topic because I want to have another baby, and I want to do it right this time. I know I need to quit, but never find supportive words, only judging.
And for the record, my son was born totally healthy and to this day has no medical problems. I'm thankful that he dodged the bullet, and I don't say that as a cop-out, there are definitely high risks with smoking. But you also can't tell anyone that they are definitely doing major harm, because you don't know that.