I agree! You see we are a male-dominated society and it is a darn shame that these things that we do and do not do allow it to stay that way.

It is believed by many still that women should cook/clean and breed and please their man in every way, and that is all. This is just the same as it being believed that men cannot help themselves. Yes, they can! Any man or woman who uses theory is just looking for an excuse. And that is all that it is, an excuse. It is not true, it is an excuse to be weak. Especially, if you allow yourself to accept his behavior. That is just asking for it to be done to you again, or for it to get worse.
I personally, don't think it is very noble of your husband to tell you. Yeah, it is good that you know now, but the thing is: he didn't tell you that he got a hand job from someone, and that he feels so sorry and dirty and will never do it again. He told you that he did, lied about getting oral(eventually told the truth) and pretty much told you that he is going to keep doing it and it is just too bad if you don't want him to. I have no respect for him for telling you because he may as well have ripped your heart out and stompted on it and then told you he would do it again because he is a man.
It does just depend on what you believe and some people who have never known a real man do think it is normal for a man to cheat. Well, let me tell you it is not! It isn't normal or right for anyone to cheat! Women aren't suppose to be a man's servant! (or vice versa!) these were all theories made up by inferior people with no real intelligence.
Everyone deserves someone who loves and cherishes them and would never ever disrespect them in any way. And everyone can have it if they hold themselves valuable enough to get it. If you let your partner walk all over you and cheat on you, he/she wont ever quit and you wont ever be happy.

I forgot to mention, I do the majority of the cooking, cleaning, laundry and as of 2-15-05 my wife is pregnant and since my back surgery not being as perfect as we had hoped, I will also be a stay at home father.

I recovered after what I believed would be the end of my entire life. (losing my wife to another person after one night flings) let me say, you will recover and become a better person for it! Your current spouse will suffer for your strength if you do decide to leave! :) it can only get better

Listen to this man please! This is what a real man is and this is what you deserve!

Well I have spoken to her and she thinks she needs to find a way for it to work out. She's not jealous but she but is in a way, she says.. She also can't afford to leave him. They have one daughter aged 2.

Jealousy has nothing to do with it. Your husband is cheating. (we know you are asking for yourself and not your friend. This is the post where you said it was your husband, not the other one where you said it was your friends). He is disrepecting you, risking bringing home diseases to you and not being a man, but a disgusting beast.
You can afford to leave him. He is at fault, he cheated and admitted it, so in the divorce he will be at fault. You can most likely keep the house, the car, get alimony and child support. You can afford to leave him, and you definately should. There is no way for it to work. Unless you give up all self respect, risk infecting yourself and just give in to a complete ignorant being who doesn't deserve to have a wife. I truly hope you make the right choice. It is your choice whether or not to stay with him, you don't have to listen to me. But, don't make excuses for him or yourself either. If you let this go, it will just get worse and you will end up miserable for the rest of your life. And do you want your daughter growing up like that? Do you want her to grow up feeling that cheating is normal and acceptable and ending up marrying a man who will do the same to her? Because that is usually what happens when children are raised in situations like this. Good luck to you.

I'm not married and don;t think I will be 1. I don't want to get cheated on and if cheating does occur, I will have to retailate and cheat back on him I sorry I would have to. Marriage is supposed to be sacrit. I see nothing with giving yyour husband oral sex or your wife. If you don't do it someone else will. I have plenty of married friends, they tell me they have done somehting they didn't want to just to keep their marriage. Some say i'm a freak but anything my husband want me to do i'm going to do for the simply fact that I don't want someone giving it to my husband.

If your husband would cheat on you just because you wouldn't do something that you don't want to then you shouldn't be married in the first place. Yes, marriage is sacred for the few of us who are left that actually believe that. But, not all men or women will "get it somewhere else" if they aren't getting certain things from their spouse. Marriage isn't just about sex and fulfilling dirty and unhealthy fantasies. If there is something that the other doesn't want to do then that should be respected. No one should do something they aren't comfortable with, period.

Recieving oral from someone other than your significant other is cheating..No offense, but this guy seems loser-ish to me...His explanation is b.S. Are his hands broken, and is that why he cant jack himself off?? I dont think so, in this case I think you should sit him down and have a nice little conversation with your husband..

If he disrespects you enough to have any kind of sexual contact with any woman, in any scenario, he isn't honoring his marriage vows. It's easy to see that when you're on the outside looking in, but emotions cloud it when you're the one it's happening to.

He was honest about cheating? So what. That doesn't make him a good man, it just makes him an honest cheater. Take your red flags and run. Life is too short to spend it with someone who will never love you.

even more reason to leave. The child deserves better too. A trip to the self-help desk at any court house will give you the papers you need to file for divorce for a very minimal fee. No attorney needed.

What your husband is doing to you is very wrong. Yes it is cheating!!! If my husband ever touched another woman or let another woman touch him our marriage would be over. I don't mean to be critical, but there is no way he loves you. Absolutely no way can u love someone and touch someone else. You need to get out now it will only get worse. If he did this to you and kept if from you what else is he doing behind your back?

Why is it ok by you that another woman or man (?) looks at , touches your husbands penis and gives your husband sexual pleasure? How do you even look at him, let alone sleep with him since he told you this? Has your heart been broken so badly in the past that you think this is the best you deserve? This is totally not normal for a healthy marriage. If you're writing here for advice, I think you agree with me. To h--- with his honesty, if he cared for your heart, he would have stopped after the first time and never told you about it. About the oral....There are other solutions to a man getting the same feeling as oral without you going down on him. People that really love each other figure these things out and are happy with their lovers. What an outrage! Good luck to you!

I'll give you the most truthful guy point of view on this:

first off, he was wrong completely in getting off from someone elses hand's without your permission. He's blaming you, and that's wrong. He made the decision, not you.

I'd say, he's probably not a real high quality guy. The mistakes themselves are less the problem than his justification for them. He's not being honest if he's blaming it on you.

He does have a point though. If you're really not into giving him head, or even jerking him off, then the tendency is to start looking elsewhere. Every guy loves vagina, but vagina comes with a whole slew of problems for most guys, including performance anxiety. To have a woman that desires her man's sexual pleasure is to have a true gift. Seriously. If you fulfill him, he'll never need to look elsewhere. You've given yourself, and, sexually speaking, the ball's in entirely his court when it comes down to "cheating."

find yourself a better man and please him. He'll never even want another woman.

His actions and blaming them on her are equal if anything. Him blaming it on her isn't worse than his action in itself.
And if she doesn't like to give head or hand jobs then that is her perogative and if he was a real man, he would learn to live with that. If he was a real man who could please his woman then he wouldn't need to have performance anxiety about having sex, and if he loved her then whatever forms of sex she was comfortable with would be enough.
If he needs to look elsewhere, it isn't because she isn't pleasing him, it is because he does not value her or probably women in general. Saying that if she would do things to him that she didn't want to just to "please" him would make him not cheat is complete bull.

Someone made a comment that 95% of men do this sort of thing and I would like to say that you have a very low opinion of men if that is what you believe.

Now, what is and isn't considered cheating depends on your and your husband. Every couple has a different idea about this and it's definitely something you should discuss before getting married.

And yes, it's a good thing that he told you, but does that make it okay? And why did he feel a need to confess what he was doing if he didn't consider it wrong or cheating? How would he feel if you started getting pleasured by other men? He shouldn't feel upset about this, it's not cheating.. Right?

To me, this is cheating. And I imagine he is probably getting more than handjobs and oral sex from these women. Also, how on earth does he know they're safe??? Does he carry an aides test with him whever he goes? I would seriously consider getting tested for stds. What your husband is doing shows a lack of respect for you and your health.