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Q: Read This.

asked by: dear7 on March 16th, 2005

New User

Am twenty 5.

I last tested in 2002 after ending a relationship with someone I had had unsafe sex with. It turned out I was negative. Since then, I have had sex a few times with a steady partner whom (and stupidly so) my intuition told me strongly it was safe to have sex with him. I later worried about not using condoms. But I also got to realize he was worrying about having sex that was unprotected with me because his intuition told him, I was safe to mess around with.

We suspended sex for a long time to sort out a few things individually. I still feel uneasy about having unprotected sex but what are the chances I cold be safe after following my intuition which normally never lets me down. Ofcourse I can never make the mistake again.

Another question please....

Around the time I met him I had oral sex (i as the giver) with two previous lovers. I tend to date people without having sexual intercourse with them.
I gave both of them oral sex just once on different occassions and again from both incidences, I developed like mouth ulcers or oral warts. My mouth didnt quite develop sore but my lips had dry sores, got very flaky and started peeling just days after these incidences. Later I got a vaseline for my lips on the second incidence and I cured. Could I have contracted an std as these raections came on like two days after. They dint last long on both occassions.

I never swallowed any semen on both occassions neither was it deep throtting but I recently found out that one of these men is an hiv carrier. He has no symptoms yet but he is on arvs medication.

Am worrying everyday that I could have contracted hiv from these three scenarios. Its driving me nuts thinking about it.

I have kissed all the three men, including an hiv infected person. I have no bleeding gums and I tend to cross check if I have any oral wounds before going to meet anyone.

Somebody tell me what they think however bad it maybe while I gather courage to do a trial test.

Replies(6)

Finess150

replied on April 9th, 2005

Experienced User

Response to Hiv Question

The first thing to do is stop having unprotected sex. If you have unprotected sex enough times with a person with hiv, you'll become infected eventually.
Oral sex carries a relatively low risk of hiv transmission. Swallowing semen is actually not very risky because the stomach acids destroy hiv. However, chapped lips and sores in the mouth will increase the likelyhood of transmission becuase the virus may be able to enter your blood stream this way.
All I can really say to you is stop having unprotected sex and oral sex. And then get tested at least three months after the last unprotected sexual episode.
Don't worry.

dear7

replied on April 18th, 2005

New User

No Sex

Thank you.

I just one steady partner with whom I had sex that unprotected because my intuitional strongly and stupidly so believed he was right to mess around with. Its a pity I had to do it that way.
However we decided to cool off for a while to sort out the emotional stress that followed.

The other two gentlemen, I only saw them occassional but before I started dating steady partner seriously.
I have never had sex with any of them although I performed oral sex on both of them once, individually. I dint swallow semen and have had no encounter with them again although I still see them.

I happen to date people without sleeping with them. These are such examples. Mine is a real life example that love can exist even without sex. Am kind of deeply involved now with one of them who also is very attached to me but we agreed no sex. He has hiv and both of us are aware of it and respectful of the situation.

My worry was I hope I dint catch the virus on the two occassions of oral sex.

Am a bit worried about going for testing just incase I unluckily picked the virus through oral sex or the few times we have kissed. I tend to be on the look out for any visible sores in the mouth before I visit.

I have kind of put off all emotional-physical activity until I sort out my anxiety issues.

Thnak you again

Finess150

replied on April 18th, 2005

Experienced User

Testing

I can understand that testing is a very daunting prospect, but I am quite sure that it will be a negative result.
If it is positive, just remember that you will recieve a lot of support from councillors who will advise you. Also, while the fear may begin as intense and almost unbearable, this will quickly go away and you will, quickly, learn to live with it and not let it control your life.
However, as I say, i'm confident that you'll be ok. And there's only one way to find out

Good Advise

replied on April 30th, 2005

Experienced User

Stop!

Ok, I admire your compassion for relationships with hiv positive people. Personally, I couldn't do it. I'm not saying that you shouldn't or couldn't be emotionally connected, but the risk of having any type of sexual experience with an hiv positive individual is not rational.

Please don't go looking for the virus. It will find you if you allow it. Make sure you have protected sex all the time. As far as symptoms and sores, it is never an indicator of hiv. Only a confirmed test.

Finess150

replied on April 30th, 2005

Experienced User

Hiv Relationship

Whilst I can agree with good advise's comments up to a point, it must be said that serodiscordant relationships (where one person is positive and the other negative) can be conducted safely. If sexual encounters are protected at all times, with condoms, dental dams etc, the risks are minimal - and they are risks that people with strong emotional attachments are often willing to take on. I guess it's difficult to imagine unless you are in that situation.

Good Advise

replied on April 30th, 2005

Experienced User

You're right fitness, but we kind of have different approaches. I am responding to exactly what the post indicated. The post says and I quote:

"i happen to date people without sleeping with them. These are such examples. Mine is a real life example that love can exist even without sex. Am kind of deeply involved now with one of them who also is very attached to me but we agreed no sex. He has hiv and both of us are aware of it and respectful of the situation.

My worry was I hope I dint catch the virus on the two occassions of oral sex.

Am a bit worried about going for testing just incase I unluckily picked the virus through oral sex or the few times we have kissed. I tend to be on the look out for any visible sores in the mouth before I visit."

this post is not worried about the relationship. It can exist! However, the person is living frightened. Now it's to the point that she's worried about going to get a test. To me, all of the above is wrong. She's too young and has not come to terms on the current relationship. While the risks are minimal, over-exposure to minimal only increases your chances. Don't you agree! What happens the moment she loses herself at a let's say new year's party and both are intoxicated. I could think of 100 senarios.

I support people who are already involved. Lovers, marriages, even parents with kids to work around this. However, we can't offer reasonable advise to a young person who will continuously have to get tested because the behavior is risky.

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