Birth Control Forum - Having a Baby

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Q: Having a Baby

asked by: babymamahr01 on March 10th, 2005

Experienced User

Well, my fiance and I are getting married in may of this year. We have been together for about 2 yrs now and really want a baby. I have 1 little girl 4 yrs old from a previous marriage and he totally loves her as if she's his. The thing is we don't have alot of money and live in a 2 bedroom apt. We know we could afford a 3 bedroom apt and there is a program here that would give us 700 a mo the first 3 mo of having a baby. I'm also on ma so all my med bills would be paid and wic would cover the formula. It just seems a little off the wall to have another and would love to get some opinions on if i'm crazy or not! Also would appreciate any advice on how life changes from 1 kid to 2 cause I never want to short my first born. Does the love actually grow? I guess if we waited until we had the money we would never have a baby...So....

Anyway....Sorry so long and thanks in advance for any advice you could give!

Tami

Replies(6)

xLove x Lostx

replied on March 24th, 2005

Experienced User

Umm..Yeah, didnt you already post this in the teen pregnancy forum??

mic0hell0e

replied on March 24th, 2005

New User

I've seen this post like, 9 times already. Maybe not 9.. More like, 3 or 4. Which is still a whooooole lot.

Anyway, either way you're going to love your child/children. Obviously you're going to have to pay more attention to the new baby, but you'll be able to watch your children take the roles of siblings, and watch their little ups and downs, it would be interesting.

But, if you don't think you're financially ready or anything like that, I would wait. I mean, do you want to have a new baby and then have a horribly stressed family life because you can't afford it?

That wouldn't be too lovey dovey to me.

... Rambling.

mandilyn

replied on March 24th, 2005

Experienced User

I'm sorry, but you are in no financial position to bring another child into this world! I realize you and your fiance love each other and would like to have a child together, but living off of state aid is not the answer. If you're already relying on ma, you can't even support yourself. Government aid shouldn't be abused so you can keep having kids and not worry about health insurance, medical bills, and formula! It's purpose is to get you through a rough spot until you can support yourself.

I'm sorry if this is harsh, but I see it every day in my job and it's just really sad. I'm sure you're a great mom, but just wait. Set goals and start small...It would just be that much more rewarding for you. If this is what the two of you want, then you need to make a change in your life and get yourselves on the right track. You can make it happen!!

2ferano

replied on March 25th, 2005

Extremely eHealthy

Saying that if you wait until you can afford it you will never have a child is the oldest trick in the book. My parents waited until they could afford to have us, feed us, cloth us and insure us and low and behold they had three.
Planning to have a child and collect assistance is illegal isn't it? Or just immoral?

mandilyn

replied on March 25th, 2005

Experienced User

Hey hotasfrick...I was hoping you'd respond to this one as well. It's not "illegal", they realize girls do this all the time, but it should be. Plus, as you said, it's just plain wrong. My parents didn't have a lot of money when they had me, but they didn't use ma or anything...They made it through on their own.

Tami - just wait...Don't you want a better life for you and your family?? Chances are high that if you're on ma, your kids will be too at some point in their teens or early twenties...It's an awful circle that keeps going and going. You're better than that, prove it to yourself and to the child you already have - she needs to know that that is not ok.

2ferano

replied on March 25th, 2005

Extremely eHealthy

Yes exactly. Do you want your children to grow up with no ambition or self respect? Do you want them to just go and get pregnant in their teens and go on welfare? Or do you want them to know that both of their parents worked hard to support them in every way possible and grow up to do the same? I don't see why that would be a hard decision. What is so wrong with waiting a couple of years while you save some money? You are still young and disease free, so it isn't like there is any reason at all to rush. As you say, there may not be a perfect time to have a baby, but there are wrong times and this is one of them.

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