Falling In Love W/a Person While Being In Love With Another? Posted: 03-09-05 16:24pm
Hi all,
i never thought this would happen to me
personally, or that I would post this
query online, but I dont know who I can
ask /tell this to. It's driving me up the
wall and some thoughts and opinions would
be greatly appreciated!
Is it possible to fall in love with a
person while being in love with another?
I've been with my current boyfriend for a
few years now, and while it's a
long-distance relationship (we do see each
other every 2 weeks), things between us
are great. I am happy with him, I care
about him, I love him for everything that
he is and I am willing to be there for him
through thick and thin, just as what he's
done for us in the past few years.
A few months ago, I met a single guy
through mutual friends of ours. It
started off innocent enough - chatting
online, going out as a group, etc. But
somehow our closeness quickly escalated -
we just have so much to talk about between
us! It was evident we enjoy each other's
company. I find myself thinking about him
whenever he's not around, and saw him
nearly everyday during christmas holidays
- he took me out to meet his other groups
of friends, his family, going to parties,
etc. My boyfriend knew about this and was
okay with it.
But somewhere along all that time spent
together, I fell in love with the guy. I
say "fell in love" because it feels much
deeper than just a "like" or "infatuation"
- there is a connection between us that I
cant quite explain. He makes me feel
special; that giddy, excited feeling
people feel in the initial stages of
dating. The last time I felt that way was
towards my boyfriend a few years back. I
love our current level of intimacy, but to
be honest I do miss that "giddy and
excited" feeling. And that feeling is
something my boyfriend can never give me
again because we are already way past that
stage.
The guy I fell in love with is an
all-around nice gentleman. He treats
women with respect, is loyal to his
friends, and is not afraid to talk about
his feelings. Naturally, he's got a lot
of girls after him. But surprisingly, he
is not interested in any because he is
secretly in love with a girl whom he has
known since he was a kid - he tells me
about her all the time, how he is holding
his heart out for her even though she is
not his, how much he loves her, and it
hurts to hear him talk about her like
that! Obviously, under this circumstance
- me being in a relationship, and the
single him loving someone else - there is
no way he will have feelings for me. Yet
i'm not convinced our friendship is truly
platonic - there are times I know he saw
me different. Sometimes he'll compliment
me in a way that a boyfriend would do to
his girl (i.E. Compliments that you just
won't say if you are just platonic
friends). We talk about "touchy" topics
like sexuality and whatnot. We'd get into
play fights too, tickling each other until
we both end up in hysterics on the floor.
Platonic friends don't do that, do
they??
Our group of mutual friends tease me and
that guy about how we "act like a couple"
whenever we are together. They think it's
cuz we are good friends. And we are -
except from my end, I feel more towards
him than just "friends". The only thing
that is keeping me from going further is
the fact that I know my heart belongs to
my boyfriend.
I don't even know what I should do about
this... Just want to hear what everyone
else thinks of this situation...
|
Justin_Toronto
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 28 Jan 2005 Posts: 418 Location: Toronto, ON
Posted: 03-09-05 17:54pm
Don't get "love" and "infatuation"
confused. This is clearly infatuation
from the "giddy" feelings that you're
experiencing. A lot of guys/girls in
relationships feel like this... They miss
that rush that they felt at the
beginning... The constantly on each
other's mind and so forth. And what
you're going through is not anything new,
it happens all the time. Oftentimes this
is how men or women that cheat on their
partners are born. Starts out innocent
enough, but feelings develop, and before
you know it... You're cheating.
(oftentimes you don't even feel guilty
about doing it, because it feels so
'natural'.)
i will tell you two scenarios. The right
thing to do, and the realistic thing to
do.
The right thing to do would be to talk to
your current boyfriend and make him aware
of what's going on, the feelings that you
have, and ask for his understanding. He
will likely be hurt nonetheless, but this
is something he should know now not
after-the-fact. It's obvious that he's
not providing something you desire...
Either seeing each other all the time, or
possibly those small giddy feelings. He
has to know what's going on and do
something on his side so you don't have a
desire for anyone else. The next 'right'
thing for you to do would be to stop
talking to this new guy---whether you want
to admit it or not, the feelings you're
having some would consider cheating. How
would you feel if your boyfriend was
preoccupied thinking about another girl,
going out with her, spending time with
her, play fighting with her oftentimes
romping on the ground.....? You have to
be responsible. Either this, or end
things with your current boyfriend, then
persue something with this other guy.
(regardless if he has a secret infatuation
on a childhood playmate.)
however, although this is the right thing
to do... Most people simply aren't that
responsible or respectful in today's
world. No fault of theirs, this is just
life... So the more realistic thing to do
would be to talk this new guy and figure
out if he's interested in you at all.. If
he is, then persue him and end things with
your boyfriend. If not, then continue on
as things are going. Again, I wouldn't
recommend this, and I hate to write this
even as advice... But realistically, it's
what people in the real world do.
Hope this helps.. If you need to talk or
anything, i'm here.
