Sometimes in life I think there comes a point where you either move forward or don't move at all. I've gotten to that point and I am in big trouble. I don't want to recover anymore and I just want to die. I hate this stupid disorder, its the worst thing thats ever happened to me and its ruined my life yet why am I still here with this stupid thing living it everyday and rather dying that getting better. I am so confused and I wonder if I am just someone who can't recover from this am I so different that I am the only one who can't get better, I am the only one hope doesn't exist for? I am so lost and so frightened I don't know what to do anymore. I am scared.
Life is so strange and I don't understand it one bit. My life is so messed up and I don't know how it got this way I don't know what i've done to deserve this. I must be such a bad person. When I was a child my mam would beat me up and I was just thinking if she did that to me when I was that young maybe its because she knew that I was a bad person from a young age and now I am just realising it for myself. Why was I born like this? I shouldn't be here if I am so bad. I tried to kill myself a number of times and I want to do it properly. No one deserves to know me, no one deserves to be hurt by me. :cry:
i just don't know what to do now. Should I give up, just I just let go and get it over with or should I hang on just to see what happenens. I really don't want to die but I can't see what else there is left to do. I've got nothing and no one and I am so afraid that life wil be like this forever, I don't want to live like this forever. My mind is racing so fast between taking tablets just to get it over with and then not taking them and living. What should I do. Help me someone, please help me! :cry:
sorry I know no one can help me but myself your kind of just listening to my head and the conflict thats there at the moment. It should go away I hope. I am just very lost at the moment and i'm going through alot, just finding it difficult to cope. It will turn out for the best, life is funny that way, it helps you along without you even realising it. Already I have survived this week and I didn't think I would so life is ok sometimes. :? Thanks to anyone who read my little freak attack but nothing lasts forever and neither will my feeling of dying and taking tablets, I hope.
Lostoyou :roll: