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Relationships > Troubled and Abusive Relationships Forum > Should You End It With Someone Over Money....please Help Me!
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Q: Should You End It With Someone Over Money....please Help Me!
asked by: sarahk on February 11th, 2005
Experienced User
Hi, I need your help, your opinions from the outside would be greatly appreciated!

I have been with my (now fiance) for 4 years, he's slightly older than me and has two children from a previous relationship.

I have found that over the years he lies to me about money, the mortgage is in my name and I found out the other day that I have been giving him my half to pay the mortgage and he hasnt been paying it and using my money to pay off debts in his name, he seems to have no regard for finance/mortgage in my name. He was also hiding reminder letters from my mortgage company saying that I will get defaulted all these letters were addressed to me and he's been hiding them in fear that I will find out....But I am the one who will get in trouble!!!!!!!!!!!! Ive also found out that he is in a lot of debt, he has so many loans yet still tries to get more...He's terrible wioth money and it scares me!!!!! Since he has been getting me in trouble with my mortgage (and I didnt know about it) he asked me to marry him and tried to get me to sign a declaration of trust to confirm what he would get should things go wrong (so he obviously thought that if I found out we would split..I dont know?!!) I dont want to live my life paying off debt and since I have been with him there hasnt been a year that has gone by when something bad financially has happened.

Also, he's not the most affectionate boyfriend and considering he lies to me about money and things that he has brought (and not just little things...One was a 15k van!) it makes me wonder if he really loves me.

On the other hand we have the same sense of humour, we laugh all the time and we get on well and most importantly I love him. But should you leave someone if you love them....Is that dangerous?!

I know he hasnt done this to me to spite me, he has always been this way, before he met me! I just dont want to live my whole life paying off debt and being broke, I have a good job, work hard and am on good money, so I feel it is unfair to me. I know financially I will be better off, but I love him....What do I do?!!!!!!!!!

I have confronted him and I have been staying at my sisters house, but I just dont know what to do. He says he loves and I really do love him, but now I cant trust him. We have fun together and he is my best friend.

Should you end a relationship with someone if you still love them?
Is money a good enough reason to end a relationship?

Please help me, I dont know what to do?
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cagewench
replied on February 11th, 2005
New User
I am in a similar situation though it involves my husband (and our child) and I would say get out now.

Love does not conquer all.

Though I am still working on my sitch...

Cagewench
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Justin_Toronto
replied on February 13th, 2005
Experienced User
Get out and don't look back.

On the surface this looks like you're breaking up over money. Realistically you're breaking up because he's not responsible, lacking stability, and has deceived you on multiple occasions.

If you're going to get married, stability is extremely important.
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sarahk
replied on February 14th, 2005
Experienced User
Thanks guys for your replies. I have been preparing my house ready for lodgers to move in, but i'm so scared! I cant imagine my life without him.

The worst part is, is that I have never seen him so upset! He knows we are going our seperate ways and has accepted this but we have spent the best couple of days together and its going to be so hard saying goodbye.
He never cries...Ever...Yet he was crying so hard, he's scared that he's lost me and he says he doesnt want anyone else but me. He has even said that he will sell his van, and give me total control over his finances to help sort out his spending....I dont know what to do. I wish things could work out. If he didnt have this problem with money he would be my ideal man...The man who I would want to spend the rest of my life with.
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Pilleus
replied on June 15th, 2005
Experienced User
Sounds to me like he's just grasping at straws to keep you and your money.
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