I am a 22 year old female college student who has been in my relationship for going on 5 years now. Of course on and off. Every time we split up we end up getting back together because he swears he has changed or he is going to change. We have a 2 year old daughter together. I guess you could say our relationship started going south the day we met. I was 18 and he was 30. But we tried it out anyways and about a year and a half later I became pregnant. His response to it was to have an abortion. I couldnt do that. I was about 3 weeks pregnant when I found out about him cheating on me with a girl he met over a chat line who says she knew nothing about me. When I confronted we both confronted him he took his anger out on me and said that it was my fault. I eventually forgave him because he said the he would never do it again. I went through my pregnancy without his support. He did not go to the doctor with me not once. I had my daughter, he was there, spent the night with me. The next day he jetted. My mom had ot come and pick me up from the hospital. I didnt hear from him for about a week and a half. He shows up at my family's house and of course appologized and I forgave him like an fool. Then two days later I found a picture of this girl in his truck with a phone number on it. I called the girl and once again. Found out that he had been cheating on me since I was 3 months pregnant. Said that she knew nothing about me or our baby. I confronted him and he didnt deny it. He just left. I didnt hear from him for a couple of weeks. Didnt come and see our daughter nothing. Then out of the blue his mother calls me and wants me to come to her house for thanksgiving with the baby and says that he wouldnt be there. So I went. And of course he was there. And like a health question I fell for his appologies again and we go tback together. Why is it I walk torwards the door to leave him and I stop and turn around before I can even turn the door knob. We fight consantly because he says I cant let go of the past and what he has done to me. He said that if I wouldnt have been nosey and went looking for things then I wouldnt have found it and I woudnt have gotten hurt. He has agreed to go to counseling and has even went with me to make the appointment. But as soon as we got home. It started again. He has been abussive in the relationship. Not to the point of me going to the hospital or anything , but abuse is abuse to me. I have now found myseld getting furious enough when we fight that I will throw the remote or phone or something at him and not realize it till afterwards. I know I am stupid, but I dont want to leave if I know I am just going to forgive his stupid butt and come right back to him. I want our relationship to work, I really really do. But not if this is how I am going to spend the rest of my life. Sorry this is sooo long, I just relaly need advice. Thanks lisa