What do you want to do?

I would love to make things work. I want to forgive and forget. They are "separated", but I want to be with someone that there past remains in the past and I want to be their present. It gets really complicated. I left my husband for this person cause I had never been in love then I fell for it. I am so in love. I would die to make this work. The ex calls everyday, is sending presents, (cell phones, money), and I cannot take it. To make it more complicated I am here in ny and my baby is in dominican republic. I am planning to move to be with my baby, but will it be worth it. Will I be disapointed and heartbroken once I get there? Should I take the chance in the name of love.

You should leave him alone he is married I hope and pray he does not have children and that god will convict both of you to repentance, women need to respect other womens "property" you have no right to be involved with him especilly in god's eyes break it off if he wanted you he would have been divorced already.

Hi girlfriend. Been there,done that. Save yourself your dignity, your self esteem and a broken heart and let this relationship go. You said you had "been together for over a year" and this man is still married? Complicated or not, does this not ring a bell and open your eyes to the truth? If he was committed to you, he would have gotten divorced and put the ex to the curb where she belongs. He would be with you. I also do not see you having to "do all the work" just to try to keep this relationship going. A long distance relationship is out of the question. No, I would not up and leave to go and be with him just "out of love". You are going to get hurt worse than you feel now. You have to be strong. If you do decide this is what you want, I do wish you all the luck in the world. I was only trying to spare you and your feelings to things I have felt in my past! There are so many other guys out there that would appreciate you! I don't even know you and I do!!!! Take care sweetie, keep us posted!

Hi naicol,

fairy godmother is absolutely right, and if this guy didn't still have feelings for his wife, he certainly wouldn't be accepting presents from her. That is rediculous. I'm sorry to be so straight to the point, but this guy and his wife are definately not over. In fact, it sounds as though their is a possibility they may reunite one day. A married man who keeps close contact with his wife is not a man to be getting romantically involved with. You will be very hurt. There is someone in the world who is right for you, but it is not this guy. I have nothing against long distance relationships, my husband and I knew each other for 3 years on the internet before we met in person. We have now been married for a year, and going strong. We adore each other, and never leave each others side. But neither of us were involved with someone else, and if that were to happen, we would not have continued our internet relationship. A mans heart should belong to you, and you only, and if it is not like that, you are wasting your time. A love triangle just doesn't work and someone is going to get hurt, that someone will be you.

Good luck,

suzy

Well let me be honest with you all. This is hard for me to say cause I have buried it in my past. When I was 4 I was raped and since I was 15 I have been promiscuous. I was married but I had other lovers, I couldn't stop having sex. I didn't love any of them and some of them I didn't even know their names. I always felt like I needed a hug, love someone who love me for me. Then I met my current love who happens to be a girl. This is so weird for me. I had never been with a girl before. She offers me a sense of security and love. She left her man and I left my men, I have not been with anyone else since I met her, but he calls her everyday, sends her gifts, money and it bothers me cause I suffered a lot when they were together and I never want to go through that again. Help I really need it. I have been praying to get some higher power to shine some light on me but I love her.

I understand completely what ur going thru, I myself have been in a relationship with a married man for 4 1/2 years now, we also have 2 children together. I am 25 yrs. Old and I love this man more than I have ever loved anybody, I also know that he loves me, no matter what everyone else may think. Yes I do get jelouse of his wife but I knew he was married and I have chosen to stay with him this long, I have to deal with it. Theres nobody out there that can tell u what u should do, u know how u feel about this guy, only u can decide what to do, just like in my situation I know that I may never really be happily with this man but I know I wouldnt be happy without him either. And dont let others put u down for being with him, if he was completely happy at home and if his wife was doing her job to make him happy, he wouldnt be out looking for others, right? Just follow your heart

good luck!!!

If he does love you eneough to break up with his wife, marry him,have a good lifel.While your shopping at wal-mart maybe he can find anthor girl freind and marry her! :d

If your lover was really that, someone that loved you, he wouldn't be involved in any way with this wife of his, separated or not! My fiance and I ahve been together for 18 motnhs, and for 8 of those he was still technically married to his now ex! But he made sure I knew how much he loved me, and the only connection he kept to her was for the sake of the 5yo son they have together.
Let him go. He obviously isn't worth the effort you are being required to put in, nor the heartache!

I really liked your response phil.
O.K, I don't know either of you girls who are seeing married men, but the following is just my opinion.
Number one, he is married, and not to you.
Number two, he hasn't left his wife for you.
Number three, even if he does leave his wife, he will end up leaving you too when he finds something he considers better.
Number three, he tells you he loves you and you know that it is true, but his wife also knows that he loves her. (think about that)
he just wants his cake and eat it to. And you are letting him do that.
I am not saying that a married person cannot fall out of love with their spouse and into love with someone else. However, not at the same time. Wake up. You deserve much better. You need a man who really loves you and is willing to devote his life to you and only you. Of course you are jealous, but technically he belongs to his wife, not you.

I don't mean to sound harsh, but what you are doing is wrong. Does marriage not mean anything to you people anymore? You left your husband for this man? Boy, that was smart. I have no respect for people like you. I doubt he's going to leave his wife for you, and if he does, do you honestly think he'll be faithful to you? I sure hope he didn't have any kids.

I can't pretend to understand the gay portion of your problem. But I do understand the rape and the married part. A few years ago I was set up with someone through coworkers and everyone thought he was divorced as did I till I found out he still lived with her and that they weren't even separated let alone divorced. By the time I found out, I loved him so much it hurt, I couldn't bare to spend the nights without him-i was willing to do anything for him. After being together for a year I decided I needed to let him go because he wasn't leaving her no matter what he said there was always a reason why he couldn't. It's been two years and I still love him, he will always be the love of my life but I would never go back to him nor do I regret my decision. I only hope that I can love someone else as much as I love him. When making your decision remember that you can't always follow your heart sometimes you have to do what your head tells you to do.

what did you do?
Have you found that you are more worth it than 2nd?

If you have a baby somwhere else and your wondering if you should go there because of this guy then dont. Your baby should come first. It may be hard but if this guy hasn't broken ties with his wife and is still married then he could still have feelings for her. You need to be completely honest with him and if they are sperated and have no plans of getting back together and if he cares for you then he would file for a divorce. Be honest with him and yourself.

Did you know before that he was married? If not then leave. If yes what is the problem. What is making you jealous? Girl go with the flow.

That is horrible.
As I said in my original post. If he is married, and not to you, then you should not be with him. It is so very wrong. And, he is not going to leave her. Even if he did, what makes you honestly think that he will not leave you when someone "better" comes along.
The reason men like him are the way that they are is because women like you let them be. It is disgusting.

L dont think some ladies they fall in love with married man knowingly coz this married man they lie that they not married and most of the times you will realise it later when you are already involed with him. So lets say you ask him and he says he is not and later on you find out that he is wat do you do? And will that be your fault?

If you did not know that he was married then to it isn't your "fault"
but, he lied to you about something very important, so you should leave him. That is what I would do.

It's so easy to see things in black and white when they aren't happening to you. But being involved with a married man goes one of two ways -- either he leaves his wife straight away, or he never does. Does anyone have any experience to contradict that?

A few years ago, I met up again with a man i'd been desperately in love with when I was 20. He'd been in a relationship then, and we never actually got together. He happened to be visiting the city I was living in, and I was grown up and totally over it by then, so we arranged to meet up for a drink. Well, he told me his marriage was very unhappy, etc etc. We still got along incredibly well, and I still found him really attractive, and we met up again the next day and he says he realises he's in love with me! He said he would go home and tell his wife it was over and he wanted to be with me. But somehow it was never the right time. He came to visit me a few times over the next year, and we met up in another city where we both had business, and we telephoned all the time, and it was all really romantic and felt so right! I started to make plans to move to his city, and so on...Until it finally dawned on me that he just didn't have the guts or something. I told him i'd never gotten involved with him to be his mistress! To be alone on my birthday, to be alone at new years eve, to not be able to talk to him when I needed to, only when it was "safe" for him. So I ended it.

A few months later I met a man that I got on very well with. I knew he was married, and very unhappy. Suddenly we realised we were really good together...And he went home, told his wife he was leaving, and did it that day. Five years later we are still blissfully happy together.

The truth is that there are a lot of unhappy marriages out there. You can't break up a happy marriage. And not every affair breaks up an unhappy marriage -- and sometimes when someone has an affair, they can go back and make their marriage work much better, somehow realising what went wrong.

But if you are involved with a married man (or woman) and they are stringing you along -- forget it, it ain't gonna happen. You will lose years off your life, and all your self-respect while they have their cake and eat it.