I know there has been some topics about
this sort of thing already but I am after
some advice, me and my fiance have been
engaged for nearly a year and together for
2, but know each other longer. He 31 and
I am 21 so he is much more experienced
then me and I already feel ugly cos I am
over weight but we are working on this and
I have lost a stone so far. But around
november I was on his pc to sort it out
(he was there) as I am very good with
computers and he does not have a clue!
And I come across some porn clips he has
downloaded. I was hurt as I questioned
why wasnt I enough and I felt even more
ugly and not good enough for him, I could
see he was ashamed and was sorry he said
it poped up when we where both upset and
he was weak and looked at it. I asked if
he has tryed to meet anyone or joined chat
/ email / meeting sites he said no and I
believed him and we both sorted it all
out. But just after xmas we had a photo
of us with a baby and where gonna send it
to his mum and dad as a joke, he told me
to do it, but I did it from his mail and I
found he had joined over 5 meeting sites
asking for adventous sex and couples all
in our area, I was destroyed. We talked I
know its hard for him to talk about his
feelings and his is ashamed, he said he
had not contacted anyone or anything and
had only done it one night and could not
work out how to stop and get rid of them.
We where beginning to work through it and
I found all the cookies on his pc, one
night! What a lie, 22 days in november
and 10 in decemeber, for hours on end we
then left our place where the pcs our and
I know its got better and he has not been
it since we come back in jan. But I am
upset he lies, if he would of said I
was/am kinda addicited to porn and I
joined these sites to meet others and chat
rooms it would of been so much better, now
I dont trust him, I know he loves me so so
much and is ashamed but I just cant forget
it, I feel so worthless, hated, unloved,
fat, ugly, awful in bed, I know I am not
the best in bed but I am trying to work on
that, and I thought things where ok, it
seems I am just not enough.
What do people think, anyone else had this
problem, what should I do?
We do love each other so much and are
looking forward to life when we have a
house and a family (as we are both student
nurses at the moment) and I know he loves
me. But there is this ever growing wall.
|
a1mmee
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 04 Feb 2005 Posts: 3 Location: uk
Hhmmmm Thats Tricky Posted: 02-04-05 18:57pm
I have had similar issues with my partner,
you really have to do some soul
searching...What I mean is....You need to
work out if you trust him, ive learned
...Fact of life some men love porn, some
men and women can use the net as fantasy
land and work on fantasies unless your
other half is actually meeting these
people ....Hope ive helped
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nadeentears
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 25 Jan 2005 Posts: 78 Location: Canada
Fiance Born Meeting Adult Chat Posted: 02-21-05 13:45pm
There is one thing you should believe in,
you have to believe in your self and love
yourself. You are not ugly (beauty is in
the soul and not in the face) all men use
internet for chat and sex. Don't believe
if some deny that. I'm a married woman I
know tens of friends complained from that.
With the time he will get rid of that.Be
patient and don't think too much about it.
Don't feel jealous from pictures on the
net. Some of my closest friends asked me
for help and I talked to their husbands,
they mentioned that they feel nothing to
those women only they do it for killing
the time and for curiousty. The real love
and feelings is for their woman. Your
fiance in doing that, does not mean you
are not beauty and he needs other
relations,if so he will breakout with you.
Put these worries behind your back and
don't ruin your love. You have to know
that some married couples watch togther
sex movies to stimulate themselves before
starting sex. This is normal not bad.
Your love when he is alone he does the
same.
My heart is with you
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tomz
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 06 Dec 2004 Posts: 62 Location: Pennsylvania
Porn Is Not Acceptible In a Relationship. Posted: 03-15-05 05:40am
Munchkin:
porn is not acceptable in a dating or
marriage relationship. Do not listen to
anyone who says it is.
Porn warps men's and women's fantasies of
what a partner should be. You will never
be able to live of to the fantasies these
fantasy babes he is plastering his mind
with and you never will as long as he is
addicted.
Porn is addicting. Any man is
susceptible to it if he is not held
accountable. ( I know it would break my
wife's heart if she found me doing it plus
I would feel ashamed to have to tell other
friends in getting counseling.)
my sister is in the middle of a divorce.
Her husband is hooked into porn for many
years. He downloaded many files off the
internet. He would ask my sister to role
play his porn, talk dirty to him while
having sex. She would not do this, so he
had an affair with a co-worker. They
have two young girls. She doesn't want
them to be exposed to his porn either (he
would leave his magazines sitting openly
around the house. She is totally
devastated.
I don't know your boyfriend or his
situation. You need to know what you
want in your relationship. Porn is a
cause of an underlying problem in your
boyfriend and your relationship.
Porn is an addiction. If he is addicted
now, it may get worse especially if he is
looking to hook up with others in the
area.
If porn is not acceptable, you need to
address the problem now for the sake of
your relationship. You may need to do
some research on how porn affects
relationships. Again, you need to know
what you want in a relationship.
You shouldn't feel so down about this.
Ok, I would be disappointed if my
boyfriend lied too but men are viewers
and they like to watch. They like to see
good tits, asseses and they get aroused
just by talking about sex or seeing a pair
of good tits. It is in their nature and
we will not change it ever. You should
know that he doesn't love you any less
because he is looking at porn and there
are no emotions, these are just pictures
for masturbation.
There is a saying....If you can't beat
them, join them. I watch porn with my
boyfriend, we discuss different tits and
we have sex by watching porn. He likes to
watch the videos and he likes to watch me
too.
I don't doubt his love because he shows it
by his acts and this has anything to do
with pornography. I would mind he he was
seeing these chicks but I know he is not
and you should make sure your is not
also.
If he is not meeting them, then you have
nothing to worry about.
That's at least my opinion.
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Makoto
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 16 Jul 2006 Posts: 287 Location: Japan
Thanks: 1
Thanked:0
Posted: 10-16-06 09:55am
Porn is an addiction, what a load of crap.
Driving cars is also addictive I guess.
Is masturbation addictive, tomz? Is think
about sex, addictive. Is thinking about
sex with other people wrong? Are sexual
day dreams, addictive and wrong? I would
argue they are natural, and it is a
judaeo-christian up brining that has
brainwashed us into thinking all the above
is wrong.
There is nothing wrong with porn, do not
listen to anyone who tells you different.
Such people are not using reason, and are
motivated by brainwashing.
People will often cite porn as the cause
of a break up or a cheating partner. That
is just bs. In the above case given by
tomz, I would say it is his sister's
conservative view of sex vs her husband's
liberal view of sex that cause the
problem. Porn was not the root cause. To
say such is just emotional, irrational,
and suspect.
Looking at things logically will tell you
that tom's example of why porn is bad, is
mis-leading. Funny though tom hates porn,
and so does his sister. Could there be
some form of brainwashing there. I
suspect so.
Tom, I argue you comments are tainted and
not valid.
Munchkin
your man crossed the line in trying to
pick up girls off the net for sex. That
is the same as going to a bar. You should
back out now, he is not taking you
seriously.
Lastly, you should not feel ugly. I can
find something beautiful in everyone, and
I am sure many others can as well. If he
just looked at porn, there would not be a
problem. But, he also has a cheating
nature, and there is your problem.
Porn is not the problem, keep you head
straight. Your man has a tendency to
cheat. Keep your eyes open to that.
