Medical Questions > Mental Health > Bipolar Disorder Forum

My Boyfriend Is Bipolar (Page 1)

Must Read
Do you know what bipolar is exactly? And what types of bipolar do doctors classify and diagnose? Learn more basics about bipolar disorder here....
Can stress put you at risk of developing bipolar disorder? Read here for information on risk factors which increase the likelihood that someone becomes bipolar....
Bipolar is difficult to diagnose as an illness ... but bipolar symptoms are usually accompanied by extreme changes. What are the symptoms of bipolar disorder?...
Hello
i have been dating this great amazing guy for 10 months. We are very serious and have been talking a marriage and our future. Well lately he has been not as touchy feely and that was making me upset. So we fought. Well last week he broke up with me saying that he needs time to sort all of this out. He said that he cant control his head and he doesnt want to hurt me. He has not talked to me in a week and it is driving me crazy. I love him with all my heart but he is keeping his distance. The thing is though he is around his guy friends all the time now? He has put a lot of stress on himself with school full time and work full time among other things, his mother called me asking if I have heard from him and I tild her about him breaking up with me. She said this was a part of his depressive episode. What do I do?? I love him so much and want to do something to help him but he avoids me saying that he needs time. I dont want to get on his nerves and bother him but I miss him so much!! Has anyone been here before and can offer me something?? Please help!!
Did you find this post helpful?
First Helper loveabip
|

replied January 27th, 2005
I work with people who have the disorder..I know it is really hard, but if he is saying he needs space, then give it to him. I t may benefit you to research the disorder a bit. If he is on a down swing (depressed) right now, it is probably best to be apart, as it is hard for people without the disorder to understand why they are acting the way they do. And as you said, causing fights. If he really loves you, then a little time apart is not the end of the world. My suggestion would be to not pressure him, or you may find him running in the other direction. The other aspect to the whole scenario is...Maybe it has nothing to do with his disorder and maybe he is wanting to end things, you should look for an answer in him as opposed to his mother.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied January 27th, 2005
I hear what you are saying and I want to tahnk you for the advice about giving him his space. The other thing about him wanting to end things, I wish you could have heard everything he has told me. I just dont think that he could want to end things. We were way to in love. He said that he doesnt want me to go through what his mother had to and he needs to "fix" his head so we can be happy. His father was bipolar and left his mom without ever telling her anything., he was not on meds or anything. My boyfriend says that he doesnt want to do that to me. I think that he is just scared that he would hurt me somehow,. I just dont like him pusing me away like he is. I want to help or at least be there for support. I love him with all my heart no matter what. I still dont know anything really, he texts me every once in a while but wont talk to me. I have been doing a lot of reading and looking at books, but they only help so much. I just want to be with him and support, hug, be there for him. I dont know what do you think????
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied February 2nd, 2008
im really worried my boyfriend of 2 years besides his problems i think his past and all the supressed emotions are taking its toll on him as well as worrying about th future work/uni etc .his pushed me away saying he loves me i cant be with you right now i loveyou please understand. his head feels like its going to explode and its getting to much. he wont talk to no1 and now is constantly out of his head on drugs and drink completley out of character. has turned into some extravert being overly happly all the time and saying his fine then will have out bursts and cry get angry and violent and break down then the next day do the whole im fine get out of his head routine. he is a very closed person which is even more frustrating i feel useless. then he will cry say his scared get back with me then get rid of me again and do all this. i really do not know what to do, he wont let me in. i know you cant help people who dont want to help themself but i love him so much, but the way things have got lately drinkdriving and the drugs and finding him passed out in the street i cant stand by and watch him destroy himself
help???/
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied February 3rd, 2008
Having bipolar myself, I can say that these two guys are acting "normal" for someone with bipolar who isn't stabilized by medication. I imagine that they know about medication, resources and remember what it's like to be stable. But sometimes it's hard to get out of that cycle of being down/agitated/suicidal/manic or whatever. In other words, the mood has to run a certain course --- or they need to get to a hospital.

So hang tight and give them room; and if necessary drive them to the ER. That's my advice. I'm sorry you gals are going through this.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied August 14th, 2008
bipolar boyfriend
Hello there, I just got out of a relationship with a doctor who was having these mood swings where he would push me away and get this crazed look on his face then after I would cry and drain myself emotionally, he'd call feeling all better. After much discussion with another professional and his exwife, I believe he is bipolar. He agrees there are issues but keeps skirting around it and refuses treatment. He being a MD, you'd think he'd know better. Anyway, after awhile I didn't know what was normal anymore and almost ended up in a depression because of it all. His dramatic mood shifts were so unpredictable that I could never relax around him and since he refused treatment, I had to get away from him. My advice to anyone in a relationship with a partner who is bipolar....if they get treatment, then great it might work out. If they don't, RUN as fast as you can because if you don't, you'll end up cracking up. Believe me.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied September 23rd, 2009
OMG this is exaclty what I am going through....my boyfriend(who is diagnosed Bipolar) who is normally damn near perfect is going through a depressive episode and is completly not the same, he always usually wants me around and he hasnt while he has been going through this episode....we are talking about moving out and getting married and we are complaetly in love, but he has been angry and agitated through this episode and his normal state of mind is cool, calm and relaxed. It's so hard because you feel like this has to do with your relationship falling apart, or you but it doesnt. You just feel so helpless and hurt. He will disapear during episodes for days at a time, shuts down and wont talk to anyone at all. It's horrible.....the only thing you can do is ride out episodes and hope they get better
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied October 6th, 2009
bipolar boyfriend.
hi..i am into a relationship with this great man who has bipolar since one and half years..he never lied to me about his illness..since our relationship he had two lows.earlier one was in jan 2009 but dat was for quiet short period and was not very serious one..but this time he went to low but in a severe low phase..he has stopped talking to me .not replying to my messages,not picking up my calls,very difficult to be in touch with him as he is not even checking his mails..we live in two diff countries and i cannot go and meet him...i am trying to read everything abut bipolar and doing it regularly.every where i read i found out that our loved one needs to that we are with them,but how can i do so when he his not at all in touch..my fear is,whether he will completely forget about our relationship after he comes out of his low..will this space which he needs and u all say will create a life long gap between us .will this gap completely bring a gap to our relationship..i love him deeply and cant leave him just because he has bipolar.i want to give this relationship atry.want to take care of him..plz help
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied March 28th, 2010
my bipolar bf
wow you ladies stories sound sooooo familiar to mine. my boyfriend and i have been together for a year, and for the past 3 months he started experiencing pot and is smoking it almost 7 days a week and is drinking around 2 nights a week. used to he would be soo touchy feely and tell me how much i mean to him, here lately it feels like hes pushing we away. right now we are what he calls a "broken up brake" he want answer my calls or texts and im literally about to go crazy! its so hard to go from seeing someone everyday 7 days a week for a year and not hearing from them or seeing them at all. he says hes not ready to talk yet, he has cussed me out and said some pretty hurtful things. hes asked me to marry him and gave me a beautiful 3 diamond promise ring. and now hes saying he doesnt love me anymore and that the ring he gave me doesnt mean anything it was just a good present. im so torn and my heart is broken i dont know what to do. he was diagnosed with bipolar a few years ago, but he used to be bad on pills and once he quit doing drugs n pills he quit takin the meds b/c he would OD on his bipolar medication, now he wont get back on it b/c hes afriad of picking up his pill adiction again. hes changed so much and talks to me so bad when hes mad. what should i do? im in love with hiim and see myself marrying him one day, but not at the rate were going now.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied March 29th, 2010
Hey, I want you to know that I know exactly what this feels like. And the best advice there is for you is to stop calling and texting. I would call and text CONSTANTLY which only made the situation worse..and definately prolonged things for me. When I stopped trying to contact him it knocked him off his high horse a little bit and he realised "holy cow..shes not trying to get ahold of me. Where is she? What is she doing? Who is she with?" and that's when he would get ahold of me.

Just try to be calm about the situation. Trust me i know how hard this is. You just have to show him that he's not your whole world (even if he is). People with bipolar when they're manic go through a phase where they think they are gods gift. And trust me they get HIGH on their horse. And by you texting and calling this only makes them feel even bigger. You have to do your part to knock him off of that horse..if you know what I mean.

This book has nothing to do with bipolar, but i HIGHLY reccomend it to anyone who is dealing with a bipolar spouse: "Why men love b*tches" and the sequel "Why men marry b*tches" both by Stacey Argov. These 2 books helped me SO much when I was having problems.

Good Luck!

And PS: they do come back. 99% of the time. You just have to work on keeping your own mental health in the meantime. Nobody knows that better than I do.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

User Profile
replied April 12th, 2010
I need some help and advice.
I have suffered with bipolar myself for many years. I am a mum (22 years old) of a 2 and half year old boy and always thought no man would ever understand me until i met my (ex) boyfriend (27 years old). He also suffer''s with bipolar and we both take the same medication. He was perfect in me , understood me better then myself, I understood him, we both have kids, both have broken engagements, both have the same illness etc.

We met and instantly i knew he was the one as stupid as it sounds as we were only together for 6 weeks. I have just never met anyone who has understood my ''low'' moods before. Everything was great, he told me ''i hope you are apart of my future'', i told him ''i hope i am to'', i sent him a gift to his work, he sent me a dozen rose''s to my work, we would go out for drinks and although other girls were around him, i didnt get jealous, are eyes met and we winked at each other, i brought him more gifts as he also did for me. We also talked about my personal finances, how he hopes this relationship is his last.
I made very good friends with his friends, step-mum, everyone and he told everyone how much he adored me, how amazing I am, how he insisted his step-mum to remove all his ex girlfriends off her facebook and add me (which he has never done before).

He then met my son, he was so natural and it brought a smile to my face. Thats when i knew he was an incredible person. He then let me meet his daughter. She is such a sweetheart, she grabbed hold of me quickly saying ''i hope you marry my daddy''. She is an angel. Then both the kids met, both the kids were great together!! I knew something was wrong after the kids met. We both started having our low moments. With me i want comfort and to feel love, with him he wants to be by himself. I asked him whether i can see him, he said no but i insisted i needed him so i went to his place. He was very low in mood, i asked him what was wrong and he said he doesnt want to talk about it, i told him to tell me because im your girlfriend and he said so what. He then went out to the pokies, lost money which sent his mood down to rock bottom, i went to bed and he wanted me to hug him. But for the way he treated me i didnt want to so i rolled over and went to sleep. The next morning he kisses me on the head, i leave for work then i get a message saying it''s over.

I was in tears, crying, i couldnt understand how he could just end it. I knew the feelings I had for him were real, how could I only be the one feeling them. He said i am an amazing wonderful person but he wasnt in love with me, that he couldnt lead me on any longer as he knew i was falling for him. I told him I loved him. I did and still do, probably even more so now that he has ended things.
We were only together for 6 weeks and it sounds ridiculous, but i have never had these feelings for anyone else before, not even my son''s dad who is my ex-fiance. I think i care so much because we share the same illness and are so similar beyond belief.
Everyone was so shocked he suddenly ended it.

His step-mum a few days later told me that he ended it as he knew he was sick, he wasnt right, he needs to be left alone as he has alot of things on his plate at the moment and that I made him see his flaws and what he needs to fix. His ex girlfriend, which ended a few months before meeting me (Kristy) is having his second child in the next few weeks and he isnt sure whether he wants the baby apart of his life. She was great to his daughter but was never there for him and never understood his low moods. His step-mum also told me that one of his ex girlfriends (chelsea), who he was with for 10 months, constantly swore at him and his daughter, never supported or was there for him and constantly put him down but he kept breaking up with her and going back to her and many times told her how much he loved her and how he wants to marry her and be with her forever.

His step-mum further tells me, he never said a bad thing about me unlike all the other girls he has been with, that he didnt want his step mum to delete me as a friend on facebook etc. She insists i give him time as she knows how special i was to him and that even though he said it is permanently over it may just be for NOW as his mind changes daily. But I dont know, I feel he will never come back. Even myself having bipolar, I dont do this. I do however change my mind on things daily but what we had was rare and does not come around very often.

Im just unsure and confused about it all, we were only together for 6 weeks and everyone who knows him has told me, even though this is similar situations he has done in previous relationships, he hasnt got a bad word to say about me as he knows i was supportive, loving and caring unlike the other girls he was with, who lasted longer with him then i did and who he was in love with at one point in time.
Its now been 2 weeks since he broke it off. I have not contacted him as i know i would just push him further away but i still remember the last conversation he said which was move on, i dont care, i dont want you.
Im still very hurt and care for him so much, i just dont want to give up hope. Can anyone help me? Do they come back? He went back to his ex girlfriends who treated him so badly and then there is me who treated him with support and love but he ended it and walked away? I miss him so much
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied April 15th, 2010
Bipolar disorder
For 3 years I was denying that my boyfriend had a bipolar disorder, but it became really bad recently and he broke up with me. This happened once before and he did come back, but I don''t think that I will be able to take him back this time. It is so hard to go through this no matter how much you love the person. I love my boyfriend dearly, I love him with all my heart, but I think that if I continue this I will end up with a disorder myself. I am torn, I am lost I am confused, but I know that this is for the best. I don''t blame him for anything because I do understand that it is his disorder speaking, but it hurts that the person who you spent with 3 years is telling that he can''t make you happy and that he has to let you go.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied April 15th, 2010
Bipolar disorder
For 3 years I was denying that my boyfriend had a bipolar disorder, but it became really bad recently and he broke up with me. This happened once before and he did come back, but I don''t think that I will be able to take him back this time. It is so hard to go through this no matter how much you love the person. I love my boyfriend dearly, I love him with all my heart, but I think that if I continue this I will end up with a disorder myself. I am torn, I am lost I am confused, but I know that this is for the best. I don''t blame him for anything because I do understand that it is his disorder speaking, but it hurts that the person who you spent with 3 years is telling that he can''t make you happy and that he has to let you go.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied May 3rd, 2010
BiPolar? boyfriend
I have been with my boyfriend for six months now, moved in with him 10 weeks ago with my 7-year-old daughter. He is a great guy, loving, caring, a provider, protector, partner, but, he has swings where I can''t do anything right. He smokes pot several times a day and drinks frequently, sometimes to excess. We had a month of great time, then, last week, he went into a downturn for a few days, then was good for a few days, then yesterday morning, has profusely sweaty palms and his shirt was sweaty in the armpits, it was maybe 70 degrees in my truck and in church. I could feel a meltdown coming and it did; he claims I don''t respect him, love him, care about him, appreciate him, etc. He goes on and on and on about everything I do wrong and how other women make him feel great when we go dancing. How do I handle this situation to keep from escalating it? I have taken to leaving the room, leaving the house, etc. and that only seems to make things worse because he says that it is disrespectful and shows I don''t care about his feelings. In the past, the cycle has passed and he normalizes, but, now he''s to the point where he''s telling me I have to move out at the end of the school year or I can send my daughter to live with her dad and I can stay. He is having a hard time dealing with the emotional issues I''m having with her and that he feels like he has no authority but his way of dealing with her is not in a constructive way and she ends up leaving the room crying which breaks my heart. She is with her dad two nights a week and every other weekend. What do I do? I love this guy with all my heart but he seems to be shutting me out; how do I handle this without making it worse? Is there something I can do to shorten these episodes? He has not been diagnosed a bipolar but he sure meets the symptoms I''ve been reading. He also won''t look for help for it, is in denial about the fact that he may have it. Please, someone give me some suggestions and not the obvious one..."run"; he''s worth keeping, I just need to know how to manage this. Thanks.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied May 22nd, 2010
bipolar parteners
I am so happy to have found this site. I am not alone. wow..that feels good. My husband of 7 years is bipolar (diagonsed only 3 years ago) so I know exactly what you guys are saying and feeling.

I am hurting now, as my husband left to see his family overseas, supposedly for 2 weeks, and has not yet come back, 11 weeks later. I get a call or a text about once a week. It is sooooooo hard on my emotions. I feel like screamng at him *what--do you just not think of me, al week--not once you thought that I might be happy to hear from you*

But I am trying really hard to stay calm, but sometimes I just feel like my life is on hold..you know.. like I say to myself -* ok.. when he calls I will feel better and then go to the gym*-- but in the meantime, I mostly lie around trying not to cry.

thanks for listening
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied June 6th, 2010
My Boyfriend is bipolar and wont get help
I guess we all have this common denominator. My boyfriend is not diagnosed. I wish he would get help but he is so large (in his head) that he refuses to listen to my suggestions. Unlike the rest of you ladies when he breaks up with me I say "Good. Let me see the back of your head get small" Then 24 hours later. " I miss you and I love you". Ugh. Our relationship is so crazy. I never know when he is going to snap. He beat me down so bad with his trust issues and accusing that now I dont trust him. He accuses me of something at least once every 24 hours and then I am every 4 letter word and/or whatever his mood says to call me. I tell him OK then if I am a B leave me alone. Click. In 24 hours he is knocking at my door. One time I forgot to call him when I left work ( I have to call because he has terrible trust issues), he didnt pick up the phone for 2 days. Man the Dude is bipolar. Im trying to hang in there because I have deep feelings for him and you dont just leave your relationship when it gets tough but relationships do not have to be this hard or abusive. Ladies I understand if you love the Guy and your married give an effort but if its been a few months or less than 2 years. Leave it alone. Honestly, I think he is making me bipolar. Now Im getting depressed from dealing with him.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied November 2nd, 2012
I also think my ex is bipolar but he just does not know it. His friends even got him to see a doctor when he started to talk about suicide. The doctor had asked him questions like do you sometimes feel like your thoughts are racing etc. He answered no to every questions because they asked if this happened sometimes. Then he asked the doctor what he was testing because he is normally ALWAYS like that. So it really seems to me that he does not realize that he is ill. He thinks that it is his normal personality. I envy everybody whose loved one has got the diagnosis. When the other person does not even realize being ill, thats the real hell. I have got the same feeling as you, Im afraid that I will get sick too. I am so tired and stressed.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied August 30th, 2010
bi-polar husband of 35 years
Hiya,
I have been married to my husband for 35 years this November and he was diagnosed as bipolar in 1992. Most of our married life up until then he used to sleep for days on end and I used to just think that he was either very moody of just plain lazy. Then in 1992 he was finally diagnosed with the disorder after going extremely high and then down into the deep depths of depression. He has been on 800mg of lithium ever since and was quite normal (whatever normal may mean). However some 3 months ago he decided it was time to come off his meds and so dropped down to 400mg per day thinking that he would be okay (even though his doctor had advised him otherwise). This of course was not the case and he was re-admitted to hospital 3 wks ago after another episode of hypo-mania. He is now home and back on his meds but I dont know how much longer I can live with him he is driving me crazy at the moment. Today he has stayed in bed all day and I am once again on my own I know he is bi-polar but that is no excuse for treating me this way even though he sees no harm in it. He just doesnt see that he is doing me any harm. I am quite willing to just walk away with just my belongings and my own sanity and just leave him with the house etc coz I know he couldnt afford to buy me out and I wouldnt see him without a roof over his head. I know this seems totally selfish of me but I just cant cope with it anymore. Even when he is okay he is just so negative about everything and even though the doctor has advised him to take other meds to get rid of the negative thoughts he has totally refused point blank to take anything other than lithium. He has realised that he cannot live without these meds so that is a bonus but I just cannot live with him anymore.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied September 14th, 2010
boyfriend with bipolar who needs space
hi there!
im glad i found this forum as i have been dating a guy for about 7 months and everything is great. not too intense but we are in love and have a very good relationship. he suffers from bipolar and has some small episodes where he shuts off and needs space but they only have lasted a day. we both moved to a different city about 2 weeks ago due to both our jobs. we didnt move in together as we thought it was too soon. and then last week out of the blue he stated he needed space, i asked him what he meant by this and he said that he just needed space. i asked him if that meant we were over and he stated that he didnt know, that he didnt have any answers. i really do love him and i have researched bipolar and i am trying so hard to not get in touch and to give him that space so that we can have a chance of continuing our relationship. however, i dont know how long i should give it as i am going out of my mind... i need to know too as i cant keep convinving myself we will get back together.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied January 3rd, 2011
hi all im going through the same hell im in a same sex relationship and my beautiful gal has just ended it all out the blue for the second time , she first did it in august and 4 weeks of no contact she got in touch and we got back together since thn i have noticed her moods and fights she tries to pick and tried not to take it personally, we live 2 hours away from each othr and also both have kids with asd,i went with my kids to stop for new year before i went she wasnt herself whilst thre she struggled to cuddle m or even be near me i have a borderline personality disorder and found this impossibly hard , she gave me and my kids beautiful presents for christmas then 2 days after we had arrived she said we had to go home as she had no space and if she didnt get her space would end up saying regretable things and hurt us so we went home and she said dont contact me i will you , i knew what was coming next and as we met on facebook she delted me off it thn came the w can only be friends text but dont ring me at the moment i will text you, but i had to know she was ok so rang big mistake cuz next came the text cant be friends at the momnt dont ring wish you and kids well. so now im left heartbroken i just want my gorgeous gal back but did i ever have her was she just on a bipolar high when she was loving? do i put myself and th kids through it all again if she does come back? she is on meds and recently started cbt i know this has been upsetting her . so you are not all alone so im waiting sad and hartbroken do i get on with my life ?
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied January 5th, 2011
Experienced User
oh, my.... So many thoughts in all those posts, but a thread is there, they do go, they do disappear, they do need time, their distance, they do not know how to deal with their feelings, they break our hearts. No, I dont thionk that the loving part is a high, but a normal time that will end sooner or later, when them doubt the feelings they do have and need to stop loving us, only to get back again later.
|
Did you find this post helpful?
12 >>