I dont know what to do. I had an abortion in april 03 and cant get on with my life. I had to make many changes in my life to enable me to get by. Ive had to move house, change jobs and take on many different projects just to take my mind off what has happened. I know this is not typically how someone should feel after having an abortion, I have got friends who have had abortions and feel relieved. I know I made a mistake, I shouldnt have listened to my family or my boyfriend, I loved my baby and cant believe I gave in to what other people wanted.
As soon as I had the abortion I noticed a big change in me, I was running arround like a headless chicken, rearranging furnature, changing the way I looked, trying to make dramatic changes in my life to help me take my mind off what I have done, and gradually as time went on my depression has got worse, my thoughts scare me. I was sooo torn up by it that I woke up one morning and actually hullucinated, I saw a baby at the end of my bed...Large as life... I knew then that my depression had got to a whole nother level - I havent hullucinated sinse, but what the hell is wrong with me. I would do anything to get that baby back.
I do believe that abortion is the right option for people, but I dont think it was the right option for me. I am a very maternal person and this has ruined my life. Why after 2 years havent I got passed all this? I have no-one to talk to, my parents shut me up whenever I talk to them as its all now in the past and my boyfriend wont speak about it either.
Help me i'm actually going mad!