I am a 23 year old fairly desent guy,i have a full time job and my own place,my girlfreind is 35.We have both seen our fair share of heartache and misery,but now it seems like she has put this wall up and desided she doesnt want too cuminicate anymore.First of all when it comes to whacked out head jobs and insecurities im sure I have most of the world beat,but thats a differant story.I just dont understant why she is distintencing herself from me,when I say maybe we should take a break she gets all emotional.I dont understant she wont let me go but she wont open up too me either any idea guys?
Why is it wrong if they are in love???? I am starting to think you are just on this forum to make fun of people. You probably made up that story about prostitution/hiv. You need to show some respect and quit being so rude and immature!
I agree with kissy aswell. If they are in love then where's the problem ? They are both adults and capable of making their own decisions, and badfish sounds like a fairly decent kind of a guy if he is on here looking for a solution to fix up his relationship. A lot of guys give up on girls with emotional problems, but he is sticking in there and trying to sort it out, that takes guts. Badfish, the only thing I can suggest is that you is keep trying to talk to her, openly and honestly. That's all you can do, show her you understand and that she can talk to you. Don't punish yourself if nothing works though, you can't get blood out of a stone. She may not have been emotionally ready for romantic involvement if she has been hurt before. You can only try and that's all, but don't let it get to the point where you are getting hurt yourself. It's wonderful of you to care so much about someone elses feelings but you deserve happiness aswell, don't ever forget about yourself.
I don't see the age difference as a big problem. The thing is women are supposed to be more amture, and willing to open up. What's going on? You seem more into this relationship than she is! Maybe we should hook up! lol
i don't know what to tell ya bud, if the situation doesn't get better pretty soon, I say move on! Not that you don't have plenty of time or anything, but she doesn't. (that wasn't an age joke, k?)
If you are in love with her and she is in love with you then go with it! Haha I was reading a magazine the other day and ya know what! Older women dating younger men is "the style" nowadays. Not that that means anything to you guys I just thought id add it in. If you love her you'll get through this and you guys will be together no matter what ~loadsa love and luck ~melissa
Well I dont know, I kinda agree with niceguy. Because I knew a guy who is like 27 and the mother of his kids are 42! They arent together at all and he cant see his kids. And his girlfriends are all weird. So they never lasted. It can be an age thing, but he should try working on communication first. Talk to her about the problems and if nothing works maybe you should keep looking.
Ok, here are my thoughts on this. It might be to do with the physical characteristics of men and women, but women tend to lose their charm earlier than men. Also, women can give birth only upto 45? Whereas men can father a child into their 60's (go david letterman!) .
All I am saying (and I hope suzy doesnt jump on me again) is that its best if the guy is about 2 to 10 years older than the girl. Most of these situations work out well. When you reverse this trend and have the girl 2 to 10 years older, it generally doesnt work out that well.
This is based solely on my personal experience and I have no statistics on this. So take it with a grain of salt....
Yeah, so what if a guy can father children into his 60s. He also faces the very real possibility of not living to see his children graduate high school.
I, for one, am a cradle robber, though not horribly. I'm 24, he's 20. The way I figure it is that i'm cheating the odds that a man's average lifespan is shorter than a woman's. If he's younger it should even things out. (ha ha. I'm not that silly really.) also, a man is at his, shall we say... "prime" in his late teens to mid 20s, whereas a woman doesn't really hit her prime until her early to mid 30s. (this isn't just my word. There have been studies conducted.) when i'm 30, he will still be in his 20s. I've been congratulated on this line of reasoning, but it's not actually important to me.
All this being said, I think may/december romances can work if both parties are mature, responsible, and loving. It seems that in this situation it's not necessarily age that's the problem. There may be a host of other issues.
(side note to niceguy: women actually may lose their charm earlier, as you suggested. That's why the majority of the primetime sitcoms on the networks feature middle-aged, pot-bellied, balding husbands with hot, young, size 6 wives. I have nothing against those types of men in real life. I just resent that society has become so shallow that it's perfectly acceptable to allow men to "let themselves go" a bit, but women are old hat once they get a few wrinkles and some stretch marks. And the entertainment industry fosters this attitude. Men with gray hair are called distinguished. Graying women are called hags. I'm not a feminist by any means, I just think that beauty and human worth, whether male or female, are inner things and that somewhere all of this has been lost. Ah-hem.)
Hey I got up early and saw your post. You are perfectly right about this.
The entertainment industry is male oriented. Thats why roger moore was old but considered dashing. Can you imagine a woman his age playing a role similar to james bond? But I think men with pot bellies arent appreciated either. You got that wrong. Its only the gray hair thats excused
as far as you and your bf I think the 4 yr diff is not that bad and you should be ok. I hope its still ok when u r 40 and he is 36. I hope he is understanding enuf and loves u enuf to not mind.
I have a cousin who is 30+ and she married a guy who is 18. The whole family is talking trash about them but they love each other.
Another thing I want to say. I knew a guy who was 65 and he married a lady 30 years old. And nobody said anything. They went well together cos the guy was athletic and kept in shape and did a lot of jogging and all. But what do u think about a woman 65 marrying a 30 yr old guy. It stinks right?
I believe all this age crap is rubbish...Really all that matters is true love.So if you love someone forget about the age thing,and actually real love only happens to those people who dont believe in these things....Sorry but you cant chose the person you love ,it just happens and lasts forever too
maybe I dont sound too relistic to the so called down to earth practical and intelligent ones,sorry.
Age doesn't matter unless it bothers one of the individuals in the relationship. I personally, have a problem dating people drastically older or younger than me, but that is just me.
Anyway, maybe she does love you and that is why she is distancing herself from you. Yes that sounds messed up, but a lot of people do that. In order to avoid getting hurt, they will date someone who they think they will develop no feelings for, or do not see much of a future with. That way, they don't get their heart broken. This theory, however, can easily blow up in your face. She could have developed unexpected feelings for you and now she wants to run away to avoid pain. Just a theory, i'm not saying this is your situation.
But if she stays distant for too long, and won't even tell you why, you might want to consider finding someone else.
but look on the bright side: new relationships are fun!!!
To me, age is nothing but a number. I know some 40 year olds who have the maturity, or immaturity I should say, as 14 year olds. Now I think 20 years is stepping over that line and is extremely controversial...But, it's true that you can't help who you fall for. I'm in somewhat of the same situation right now, i'm 16 and seeing a 23 year old. Sounds horrible but it's really not. We're not having sex, just having fun(so no assumptions please!) my parents know about it and I follow strict guidelines, because technically i'm still a minor, no matter how mature I am, that's just how it is. And we both accept that. Now that's only 7 years, but still a bigger deal because i'm only 16...It would be easier if I was 20 and he was 27 but that's not how it happened. If you're happy with your significant other and they're happy too, then why not? You only live once, and who's to say what "guidelines" you're supposed to follow in finding your spouse or partner? There are none, because if there were, I wouldn't be seeing someone 7 years older than me, badfish wouldn't be with a woman 12 years older than him...But I am, and so is he..And no matter how many people debate on this, that's just how things happened....Put yourself in their shoes, things are always different when you're actually in that situation, then just an onlooker. You think I ever told myself that I was going to be with a 23 year old? If you would have asked me that 2 months ago I would have said hell no(caps)! Point is, life's not perfect, so who's to say what's right and wrong? Badfish, I support your decisions to be with this woman, and for holding strong against such headstrong debaters....Just make sure you're happy...Because that's all that matters!
Much love to all,
If she gets all emotional when you mentions taking a break, then she probably doesn't want to end it all. I am 43 and my boyfriend is 21. He is completely satisfied, he has moved in with me. I have helped him with some emotional crap he has been going through also. But sometimes I think I should just send him on his way so he can get a younger girl and get married one day and have kids. I worry that I am depriving him of that and that could be what she is doing and if so it's only because she is caring more for you and your future than she does herself. If she is the one you really want to be with then explain that to her so she wont feel that she is robbing you of anything. If you love her and she loves you and ya'll both want to be together then you should do it. After you talk to her about this and she is still distancing herself then there could be more to it. Good luck!!