My boyfriend has started using again after
5 years. He went into incredible debt
etc the first time round and has quit
twice. Now he has started using again on
weekends, hates himself for it, but
confessed to me last night that he is
hooked again.
I've not had any experience of drug
addiction and don't know how to help him.
He knows the consequences but still does
it. I don't understand the motivation
behind it, apart from the fact that he
enjoys the high. Can anyone tell me what
might be going on in his mind and the
thoughts and feelings he may be going
through? I don't know how to help him.
Want to understand what the best way for
me to support him would be. What kind of
things should I say? I hate that he is
constantly apologising for it the next
day. How does it feel after coming down?
I don't want to push him away......
Many thanks
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cwillix
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 23 Jan 2005 Posts: 4
Why Does He Do It? Posted: 01-23-05 05:34am
Cocaine make you happy to the point of
euphoria. So much so, that when you do
it regularly, normal everyday activities
can seem boring. Find out why he does
it? Is he bored with his life in some
way? Mabye he has some emotional need or
stress he needs to overcome.
Coming down off coke feels terrible.
It's anxiety, depression, and guilt.
It's not real, just chemicals in your
brain creating these negative feelings.
They wear off within a day or two,
depending on how much he has done.
Find out why he does it, and go from
there. If you treat him like he's doing
something horribly wrong or immoral by
doing coke, you will aleianate him.
Cocaine is a lifestyle. And it can be a
fun one @ times. He probably has coke
friends and non-coke friends. Figure out
which is which.
Whatever you do, don't do coke if you've
never done it just to be with him. I've
been on it for 10yrs. Rarely do I have
fun when I do it anymore, but I can't
stop. Be supportive but not critizing.
Good luck....
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tiltamatic
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 20 Apr 2005 Posts: 3 Location: omaha , ne
Mooster's Hope Posted: 04-20-05 23:04pm
Mooster , I am a recovering drug addict
with almost 4yrs of sobriety. I can tell
you that when the people around me tried
to be supportive and baby me while in my
addiction all it did was enable me to
carry on with what I was doing. I figured
if it got me attention from these people
and they kept forgiving me I was doing
nothing wrong and if I did , no problem ,
they would be there with open arms just
like before. It actually did not help me
it made things worse if you can picture
it. Without serious repercutions for my
actions it made me believe that I was
doing nothing wrong.
At the same time the world was shut off .
I was all important and nothing else
mattered. Selfish would be puting it
nowhere near the levels of selfabsorption
I was in. If it didn't mess with me or my
drugs no big deal. If it got in the way
it had to be dealt with quickly. I could
try and pick up the pieces later on if I
fealt like it. Don't beat around the bush
is what I say , take the kid gloves off
now , it will only get worse later. If
you truly care for this person you have
put your foot down. If you do you might
think you could lose him , but if you are
honest , haven't you already? If and when
the time comes he may come to thank you
for your resolve. You must have the
strength it took to write your inquirey
and run with it. The weaker you stand ,
the stronger the drugs will hold on.
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shadowalker164
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 14 Jan 2005 Posts: 175 Location: Tampa, FL
Posted: 04-21-05 11:20am
Tilt has got it right.
Selfish and self centerered, that’s what
we are.
Anyone who tells you to pat his hand and
somehow miraculously things will get
better is wrong. An addict will tell you
anything to maintain access to their drug
of choice. They will lie about using, or
lie about how much, or lie about who they
are using with, or lie about using not
being wrong.
Tell him to go to detox and after they
roll him out of detox tell him to go to
na. Tell him to get a na sponsor and
start working the steps or you are going
to leave him.
It really doesn’t matter if you do take
the good advice offered here or not, he is
going to use drugs until one of two things
happen.
#1 the pain of active addition gets so
great that he will do anything to make it
stop (aa, na, ) or...
#2 jails , institutions or death.
Most addicts die loaded. All the recovery
programs I know anything about put good
long-term recovery at less than 50%.
The truth to be known, a lot less than
half.
Get ready for some heartache, you have
joined the legions of people who have
watched loved ones throw their lives down
the crapper. Some of them have seen their
loved ones pick up their beds and walk
again, most just watch the people they
love go to jails, institutions or just
die. I hope you find yourself among the
former.
