Here I am, knowing everything there is to know about eating disorders, health concerns, etc. My god, i'm a social worker, I help other people for a living, but somehow I can't help myself. I know it's a commitment that I need to make, but it just seems I find myself making excuses for every positive thing I could do for myself. I've been sick for 10 years, i'm about to turn 24. I've managed to remain hospital-free for the past 5 years and have made some improvements in my health, but the binging and purging is still there. Like I said, i've been in long-term treatment several times in several different treatment centers, but the anxiety and fear of gaining weight are still there. When I eat healthy, I feel full, anxious, like I want to jump out of my body because it's so uncomfortable. And I find myself fixated on food and when I can binge and purge next. I know I need help, but I feel as though i've been through so many treatment centers, hospitals and therapists, what more is there to do? Help.
:idea: the recovery process is long & hard, I know. I've had this for 30 years --- since I was 12 --- and just now am I ssslllooowwwlllyyyy getting over it. I found a combination of counseling & nutrition helped me immensely, along with a supportive family & circle of friends. "the only way out is through" --- you have to bear the seemingly unbearable feelings at first, until they subside. Eventually you will feel better & less fat & full, and you won't like the old feelings of starvation & binge-highs as you did before. I haven't binged or purged in over 2 years now --- and I used to do it multiple times every day. So there is hope. Just don't give up!