Ok...My wife and I are separated heding for a divorce. Yet we talk 3-4 times a day like nothing is wrong and we exchange I love you's. Strange right? We have had several heavy conversations that were alot of me trying to get her to change her mind, my feelings, her feelings....These conversations seem to push her farther away. At the moment I am over that part and I am really concerned because i'm starting to put the pieces together.....I went on line looking for effcts and causes of bulimia. Here is comparison of the symptoms and things she has said to me.....
Shame and guilt - I feel like it's my fault that we're in this situation(separation).
Depression - sometimes I feel like I might be depressed.
Low self essteem - I don't feel good about myself right now. I never stopped loving you and just stopped loving myself.
Impaired family and social relaionships - communication issues(she won't tell hardly anything about her feelings. She never verbalizes her anger or unhappiness, etc to me.
Perfectionism - neet freak.....Always bothered her about the mess in my office.
"all or nothing" thinking - if i'm not passionately in love with you then I can't be married.
Now precursors:
feeling out of control because of difficulties at home - reason for separation yet she created more than half of the issues....Yes I feed them a little not knowing it.
Suppressed anger - never has she shown or verbalized anger towards me....She doesn't expression much other that the normal persona that everyone knows. Lately she has been a person that I have never seen.
Unmet needs - communication, household stuff...She never let me. It was always a fight, she'd put down how I was doing it, never mind that;s not enough cloths to wash i'll do it later. Etc etc. We never sinked up and determined responsibilities.
Feeling undeserving - I don't feel like I can give you the love that you deserve. I felt like I wasn't good enough for you.
Major changes in life, divorce, family problems, loss of relationship, a move.
Sound pretty right on the money to me she is in a crisis and I don't no what to do. She says she is going to continue seeing the counselor......
I don't want to end our married.
I want to support her for better or for worse.
I am worried about her.
Would psychiatrist be more appropriate?
Should I confront her with this alone or with someone else?
What can I do to save our married and get her help?
