Did she act this way before the meds? That is the most important question. If so, then I believe that she doesn't love you and is using you for security. If not, then the drugs probably have had an effect. In that case i'd talk to my doctor about it. Personally I don't believe pills to be the answer to this problem, in fact it might be the cause of it. Best of luck

I feel like there are three or four possible options, and it may be a combination of all of the above.

You have been married for a long time and I can't believe you've stuck it out this long. As frustrating as it may have been for you, congratulations. You are a strong man. It seems like you really care about her as a person and a companion, and desire that from her. Keep up the hope. This can be worked out.

I think the meds are most likely affecting her. That is pretty typical. I also think there's a possibility, as suggested earlier, that she is not attracted to you and does not care about you but is using you for security. I have never heard of anyone lasting that long in a relationship for the only reason of security. So that may be part of it but I think it's small. Honestly, to me, it sounds like she may have been sexually, physically, verbally and/or emotionally abused in the past (by others and by you, as you have stated). From personal experience I can tell you that will keep any woman from opening up intimately (either relationally or physically). Especially if your behavior pre-meds compounded that. It also sounds like she may have come from a very strict religious background that taught (either directly in a sunday message or indirectly through attitudes and comments) that sex was dirty and bad. This couldn't be further from the truth. It is the supreme model of what it means to be human and love another person.

Anyway, it sounds like she's got a pretty thick, hard shell and it may be difficult to break through it to address these issues. But if it is worth it to you, I encourage you to keep loving her and helping her. See that it doesn't have to do with you (it really doesn't seem like it) but there are really deep tough issues she is dealing with. Love her through it and always try to see her from the other side - when she irritates you or frustrates you or disappoints you, always think about who she will be as she goes through the process of learning what is making her so closed and cold, and what your relationship will be like when she understands that and is able to love you like you want to be loved.

As a spiritual person I can tell you that if her attitude/behavior is related to a spiritual problem, it is possible and ok to have a hot, experimental sex life (within certain boundaries that you both need to share and respect).

Best of luck

I am currently on some anxiety-depression medicine and I am the same way that your wife is...I never want to have sex. I am young and a newlywed so I think it is your wife's medication.

It's great that the two of you sought help with meds,maybe some couples therapy could help the two of you communicate better.I've been with my husband for 12 years and we still show each other affection many times a day and tell each other we love each other every day.I'm not saying we have sex constantly or gush over each other all the time,but you can show affection by doing small gestures(getting up first and making coffee or warming up the car).Foreplay is not always about what happens in the bedroom!You cannot treat your partner as if they are not there all day long,then hop in the sack and expect red hot lovin'!I'm not saying that this is the case with the two of you,but I know over time ,it is easy to let the little things slide.Best to both of you.
Patty

It sounds like you and/or your wife have lost touch with one another. Some of this may have been through hurt and disapointment which has caused walls to form. More so it sounds definately from your wife's view. It doesn't mean you both don't love or care for each other, you have just settled for live as is.

You must find what really makes your wife tick. You need to pursue her, woo her, romance her, make her laugh, make her cry (by her knowing you understand her). Men are geared to pursue their love such as treasure, and women love to be treated as they are treasured.

I would first recommend you to read "the five love languages" by gary chapman. Find out what love language you speak. Find out what love language she speaks. Men will respond by the love language that speaks to them, when their wife speaks a different love language. Then the men don't feel appreciated, the women still doesn't feel loved.

Summary on the 5 love languages:
1. Words of affirmation
2. Quality time
3. Receiving gifts
4. Acts of service
5. Physical touch

another book I would recommend is "the two sides of love" by gary smalley and john trent. This book will help you to understand 4 basic personality types. It helps you to better understand how people are wired.
It amazing when you understand these principles, you better identify peoples strengths and weaknesses.

Women are wired to be more emotional than physical. Men wired to be physical than emotional. If you meet the emotional needs of your spouse, she will feel a bond and meet your physical needs.

I hope you will find the answers to make your marriage strong.

Best wishes,

tom

I believe that it isnt that she doesnt love you... I think that the med. Can be part of it.. But sometimes people arent the greatest at showing their love for one another...Maybe she wont show you her love.. But I am sure that deep inside she does love you and cares for you.. If she didnt then why would she be with you? She could have gone off and found someone else..You have to have faith and give it time.. Maybe she is stressed out or something.. You should try to take her on vacation so she can leave everyone and everything behind...Show her your love.. Tell her how much she cares.. Then look at how she reacts by it.. If she doesnt care what you have to say then I ma sorry..She might need a break (not from you :!: )..
Do you guys have any kids?? Was she like this before you guys got married??
Well I dont know what else to tell you but to wish you the best of luck!! Stay strong!! Good things will happen!! Just give it some time!!!! :lol: