Eating Disorders Forum - What Is Wrong With Me...again????

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Q: What Is Wrong With Me...again????

asked by: stupid girl on January 12th, 2005

New User

Hi everyone.
Thanks for taking the time to read this and replying back... 2 years ago I discovered the amazing idea of throwing up... But I quit after starting to become very dizzy at times specially mornings and almost blacking out. And I promised my self I would never ever do it again... But here I am doing it again... It was once a month, but now its every day. I know its bad but somehow that doesn't seem to stop me. I'm not fat i'm actually very physcially fit, but I am so afriad that I will gain weight again. I don't want to be fatter than this... But I get hungry and I eat..And then I throw it up. Before I would tell my sister about it, but she got so mad when she found out I did it again after 2 years. But I lied to her and I told her I only did it once but I keep doing it. I can't wait to be alone so I could throw up. I hate my self for doing it, yet the fact that I might not gain weight makes it all worth while... I exercise atlest 3x a week, and I eat very healthy... But I don't know whats wrong with me. How can I stop that little voice in my head that says " don't worry...Just throw it up...And don't tell anyone"????
I hate my self for doing this, but i'm afraid there is no stopping me.

Replies(5)

forced_therapy

replied on January 12th, 2005

New User

It's B/c...

Did you ever address the psychological reasons behind why you did it before? I didn't, and here I am 13 years later, doing it again. I stopped before b/c my parents made me. Well, nobody's making me now. And u stopped b/c you were scared. Well, 2 years is a long time to get over being scared.

See what I mean? If you don't address the issues behind it, u will keep doing it. As my shrink said, the eating behavior is the symptom of the real problem, whatever that real problem may be.

Have you tried counseling?

mshanson

replied on January 16th, 2005

Experienced User

You Are Not Stupid!

:( I feel so bad for you when you put yourself down! No, you are not stupid or crazy. The whole throwing up & binging thing is very addictive, and anyone would do the same thing in your situation. The only way out is to let yourself eat & keep the food down. Also, counseling could help, so that you can get someone to tell you that you are ok, not a terrible person. This bulimia is a disease, like anything else -- cancer, diabetes --- so you have nothing to be ashamed of. You didn't ask to have this disease. There are probably a million reasons why you have it, but the only thing that matters is that you get help & get out of it soon because (as you know already) it is ruining your life. You have a lot to live for & you don't deserve to have this.

hurt28

replied on January 16th, 2005

New User

I No How Ou Feel

Hey well I no how you feel and stopping is soo hared I have tried sooo many times I am 14 snd I started when I was 12 just because my friend did it and I said oh maby I could loose weight and I did so I stopped but I gained weight and I did it again and I am still doing it today so it is sooo hard to stop and I hope you really will. I dont really no what else to say b/c I am going through what u r going through. I havent had any help and I really reallllly wish my friends didnt no b/c they look at u like u r weird now so dont telll any one no matter what ok welll I hope I helped you a little ok bye good luck.

sandyallen

replied on January 16th, 2005

Extremely eHealthy

Please get professional help! You may think you are healthy but you are killing yourself, you are hurting yourself more and more. It sounds like you have people that care about you, don't hurt them, don't lie to them as you are lying to yourself as well and then you have to tell another lie to cover up for the other one. You are not stupid, you just need help, there is nothing to be ashamed of, we all need help sometime in our life. Don't hate yourself, no one is perfect. Keep us posted.
Sincerely,
sandy

hurt28

replied on January 25th, 2005

New User

Hey I wish I could believe u but I started again I just cant stop I think mainly it is that I really dont wanna stop till I am satisfies and to tell you the truth im not at all I am sooo fat. I was sooo scared to go to the doctors today but it went ok except she thinks I may have a heart prob?? She says the reason I had to take the test was to make sure I didnt cause they never knew if it was in my family b/c I was adopted but I knew it was b/c she though when she went to hear my heart she keep listing to it like for sooooo long and normall it would have been quick.. My blood pressure was 110/65 is that normal?? Wellll how have u guys been??

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