Hello to all,
my question is:my boyfriend and are planning on getting married but he wants a baby. I had my tubes tied after the birth of my son 16 years ago. I would love to have another child and know that we will have to do it invtro and also know that it costs a lot of money. But that is not a problem. I really want to know the risks and our chances of having a baby at my age. He is 38 and I am 49.
If anyone can help me or point me in the driection I need to go I will be indeted to you.
you have shared several problems:
1) age 49...Highly unlikekly to become spontaneously pregnant, even with perfect tubes.
2) you have tied tubes.
4) boyfriend who wants a baby.
5) high risk of down syndrome in older moms.
6) no guarantees that in vitro will work.
Since "cost is not a problem" better get an evaluation from a doctor (who will tell you what I just did!) or better yet, start thinking like a 49 year old instead of a 25 year old...Because if the guy you're with wants kids, he'd better move on to someone younger.
I say go for it!!!!! These days its the norm for older mums. And yes some times life brings your soul mate and you find a baby comes so I say go for it. I know where you are coming from. If its meant to be then it will be regadless of what they all say out there!! And age has nothing to do with it. If everyone knew my story!!!! Do what you heart wants!!! Good luck!!
Helden, What a narrow sighted idiotic response, sorry, not usually that blunt. No everyone's life situation lines up with perfect childbearing age. You sound as if you are the model human being and were able to plan everything just right. Life WILL throw you a curveball sooner or later. I had my first at 47 BECAUSE I HAD CANCER AND HAD TO WAIT.
!!! and he is perfect and well adjusted and NO one has asked if Im grandma. I don't know if you think everyone has drs. in the sticks who would tell her what you did, and while a pregnancy in your 40s comes with elevated risks, its done ALL the time. So hopefully there are Dr.s who are not living in the stone age and understand the risks and benefits of fertility intervention.
It can be and is done all the time. Having a family is something no one should miss out on if they want one and all families look differently.
Let me guess. You are married, in your 30s, and have 2 or 3 children. You listen to Dr. Laura. You are a middle class republican and college educated but are a stay at home Mom. You are offensive and opinionated and uninformed. I guess I am reacting so strongly because if I believed what you said, I wouldn't have my 17 month old son right now and no one should be discouraged from becoming a mom. I guess freedom of speech exists but perhaps you should use some tact when you address people.
Thank you. You have given me hope. I am 47. I desperately want a baby. I met my perfect other very late in life but now we want a familly. I am healthy and hoping to conceive. Truly this is just what I needed to read. Everywhere you go everthing is so against a pregnancy at my advanced age! I am waiting for a result to find out if I am menapausal tho no reason to believe I am other than my age. Doc wants to check but you have made me beleive so thank you for writing this. Did you conceive naturally? Or did you need help? I will do whatever it takes but for me money is very minimal so I am reliant on doctors and NHS in uk.
probably I am negative, but go for it. I already have 2 children. the youngest one is 15. Now I would like another baby with my actual husband. I was on Epidhol for 5 months. The doctor said I have a really healthy uterus and everything on me was perfect for a pregnancy, but never got pregnant. Actually a year ago, i got pregnant but i had a miscarriage. so I do not think is my husband. i gave up last month. I am just hoping for a miracle.
well I would have to disagree with the last comment. Babies are a gift from God and if it happens to you then treasure it. If it does not then that it is Gods way.
You can still have a baby up until maybe 53 or maybe more it is up to God after all.
Don't be perturbed by others. Be brave and go for it.
Helden if older women wants a baby then its there right to have one whether there 25 or even 55 and its not your right or anyone else to tell them different or that there too old its just narrow minded people who think the world should revolv around younger mums well people should start changing there views regarding older mothers even doctors, and i say if someone wants a baby at over 40 then go for it and don't listen to people, and before anything is said i had my child at 19 and if i wanted another at over 45 then no one would stop me.
Are you for real?? Why would that man move to someone younger?? I got my son at the age of 45 am married to a man who is 15 years older than me, I wanted a child never gave up until I got mine, he is healthy and very good looking. Children come from God anything you wish for in this world if you believe you will get it probably you need to watch emmanueltv.com then you will understand how many women are blessed to have children at a later age. Sarah had a child at an old age according to the bible so can any woman. If you watch Scoan church of all nations channel then you will know there is a power of God and u can get a child any time even just through the anoinoting water without seeing a doctor.
it becomes harder to carry a pregnancy full term as you get older, their are lots of things that can cause complications, but it is not impossible, you just need to talk to your doctor or maybe your doctor could refer you to the appropriate people to speak to about possibly getting pregnant. As for helden, your response was abrupt, rude and very unhelpful. Actually to get straight to the point, you are a complete b*tch. It is unfortunate that the world is full of evil people like you who have nothing better to do than put others down just because you have so many insecurities of your own. Deal with your own problems first helden, and only then attempt to help others.
Good luck mama, i'm sure you will find the help you are looking for.
I applaud your response and am in full agreement with you. There are many couples living this situation. If the lady has the capacity to carry the baby safely, then why not have the child. We need more loving parents in this messed up world.
I red your post and can sympythise with you.Im 39 I have a son from my frst marriage and had my tubes tied 21 yrs ago.Me and my husband now 8 years.We want a child together so in june 2001 I went and had a tubal reversal.There are women your age that are trying to have a baby.It is a lower chance for us but im willing to take that chance.I still havent got preg.I have had a lap and ultrasounds hsg test and have been on clomid for 8 mths and had a iui.Then we found out hubby had a low count,so he went to see a male urologist and they found a growth on his urethat tube they have taken that out.And now have found out his prolactinlevel is too high so want to do a ct or brainscan on the pituatorygland to see why it is ellivated.He is only 29.So it wouldnt be a bad idea if you do deide to try for him to be tested also.Mare
Hey, I think it is worth a try as for the younger guy, i'm 43 and my boyfriend is 21. I've written in to get some responses on that to find out if I am normal or not. My son is only two years younger. But if you are happy together, it doesn't matter what everyone else thinks. I would check this out with a doctor and go from there. I'm sure there is something you can do. My boyfriend wants a baby too so i'm just starting to think about that even though I haven't had my tubes tied i'm going to talk to my gynocologist about the complications at my age. I wish you the best of luck and lots of happiness for the two or you (maybe the three of you).. One more thing......It doesn't matter these days whether you're married or not, when these babies grow up there will be more with single parents than married parents. Good luck!!
Sorry but 21 and 43 isnt going to last. If you love this man you should enjoy what you have and not tie him down with a child because its going to be over before he is 30 and he can still find a wife and start a.family. Crying out loud..21 lol... You need to be the adult and remember how much life he has yet to experience. And I am 35 who has walked in your shoes with a much younger man.
To all that replied to my question, than you. I was only looking for answers to my concerns and got a lot more than I asked for. To those of you that answered with love and concerns I am greatful. To those of you that thought did not get a carring answer I want to tell you that I do not care what you think because we hear what you said all of the time. But everyone is intitled to there own way of thinking and god will still love you in the end. But to tell you the truth I fell as you are judging us on the fact of the age differenc and to you I say, " I really do not care what you say or how you fell." the fact that I am 49 and want a baby and so does my new husband and we fell good is all that we care about and the doctor has given us both a clean bill of health.
First of all, let me say that any critical and negative responses to you are unwarranted. Nevertheless, you will not be helped by the overly optimistic responses either. Because of a few high profile births to celebrities, many women mistakenly believe they can have babies well into their 40s. It's possible, but exceedingly rare. Most of those celebrities used another woman's eggs, whether they publicly disclose that or not. In fact, that is probably your only chance of delivering a baby at this point - with donor eggs.
Let's look at the facts. Even without the tubal ligation, by this point you would be having periods without necessarily dropping an egg each month. There might be an occasional egg, but the quality of the eggs (including their ability to become babies) has fallen considerably. Pregnancy at this point would most likely end in miscarriage.
Before in vitro, the doctors will test your hormone levels, and most likely the insurance company will refuse to pay for in vitro because the results of those tests will show that your chances of success are slim. In vitro isn't a magic cure for infertility. Perhaps you will have the option of paying for in vitro yourself, at a cost of thousands with slim chances of success.
Go immediately to a fertility clinic and talk to a specialist. Don't just go to an OBG-YN; they could waste your time. I learned more in the first session of talking to a fertility specialist than in the two years I wasted at the OBG-YN. (What I learned was not encouraging, unfortunately.) Make sure to talk about using a frozen embryo from another couple or a donor egg, as these are probably the only way you will get pregnant. Even this is not a magic solution. They can place an embryo in you; that does not mean you will become pregnant.
Whatever route you go, expect this to occupy your time and energy, with disappointment after disappointment following the procedures.
Talk to your boyfriend about how he would feel about adotpion. After failed fertility treatments, I adopted a foster child, and she has made me deliriously happy. Because she was older, I didn't to change any diapers or get up to feed her in the middle of the night.
I'm sure this is not the response you wanted, but it's the truth.
As I said im 39 will be 40 this year and will continue on trying to have a baby as long as I can.Alot of women ar ehaving babies older now.I wont lie it is a hard road to go down when you have to get a reversal and checked and meds and test.But it is also worth it.Because you know you are doing all you can to have a child.Mare,and im sorry for the rude comment you received.
Most women at your age are awaiting the arrival of grandchildren. Why would you want to start all over again with a baby at nearly 50 yrs. Old? You also need to realize that after 30 or more yrs. Of age your fertility goes down. I suspect yours doesn't have much fertility dust left.
For three Months i did not have a period? Finally it came down.
However i felt fluttering in my stomach? Just like it feels when was expecting the children. However, i just started the menopause symtoms
It was the strangest thing in the world to date. My stomach was bloated
it was hard on the lower end. And it turned out to be... Just menopause!
ha ha... i can laugh about it now. But, when the reality hit me that i could have a Menopause baby. It was a little scary to be honest, the man i live with is 40? so, it is Not totally out of the question for him?... for me at 48
and 5 grandchildren to love. i just was not so sure that i needed to go through seasame st AGAIN!...
All is indeed well that ends Well... ha ha
well if you think you can cope and if maybe you have a good family to help you out now and then ....then go for it my mum had my sister when she was 49 almost 50 and she,s never looked back they get on great she did have help with us other daughters ,but mum done most of the bringing up ,and done it well so if your fit ,healthy happy do it !
I can't imagine having baby at 49. When the kid is 20, you will be 69? I still remember a college roommate cried because her dad was in his 60 while the parents of the rest of us were in 40. I am 43, when I look at babies these days, I feel tired by imagining how much work is involved. Good for you, so brave wanting a baby at this age.
I also would suggest you think about the points in the so-called cruel message with a cool head. They are valid points you should take into account. Don't get your hopes up too much. When it happens it happens.
Goodness gracious...the responses you have gotten. Not to worry. Go with your heart as long as you are healthy and you are approved by your physician. I am 46 and have been together with my boyfriend, 31, for four years now. We are only getting stronger and better in our relationship. We have contemplated having children in the future. I have a 10 year old, my only child and had her at 36. No complications. I do believe there have been women with pregnancies in their late 40's and 50's. It is possible, although our age increases the risks, but with proper monitoring and exams from your medical physicians, I would definitely go for it. Especially if you are sure you love this man. Best of luck to you.
btween me and my hubby we have 10 there is no right timing at least you are not 10 or 13 and sweety you alone can make the choice and to me babies are a gift from god and I hope everything goes well keep in touch ok . blessed wishes 2 both.
I was disappointed to see so many women disouraging you and stating statistics concerning your desire to have a child. If the words you hear are from God then they are loving and enouraging and those who speak bad news and discouragment into your life are not speaking for God. Seek God's word on this and remember anyone who encourages you is doing the Lord's will...never give up on Him-His ways are not like man's and He hears you. God is not limited by man's statistics or man's opinions thankfully and He will give you the desires of your heart if you delight yourself in Him. Psalm 37:4. Nothing is too hard for God...Seek Him.
Go for it. If you are healthy and love children, you should be able to raise a healthy loving child. At our age, we have pretty much dealt with our garbage so I think that this time the child will be raised just as loving as the others without our old baggage. We are retirement age, we can raise this child without taking it to child care, without only seeing them a few hours of they day. I am considering have one at 49 with my boyfriend who I have known since I was 9 and he will be 52. We are just more healthier these days and if you are not, start eating right. We have great programs to help you to learn to eat right and healthy. Good luck
I'm new to the site.........but this is what I think............
Want to say Hello to everyone......here are my thoughts......life is short. Our hearts know what we truly want and who we love...maybe it's not what we planned or who we planned to be with...but genuine love doesn't have any boundaries and as far as I know...when you love someone...you will reach for the stars. I was with someone for 3 years and we still love each other despite what others say...but we aren't together anymore. He is now 25 and I'm 47. Those were the best 3 years aside from having and raising my four children. I would love to have a baby with him...hence the reason he really left was his family didn't approve of the age difference and what if he wanted a child and I couldn't give him one...? It riped us both apart but I believe if you are willing to try out of love........no matter what the age...I believe you should go for it. God will decide. Some people are nasty and do not seem to have anything good to say.......stay away from them and ignore their insults...they are miserable in their lives and are trying to bring you down as well. I would do anything to have a baby with this guy...yes, even at 47...because I love him...my problem is I haven't had a period in 2 years so I don't think I have a chance anymore...best wishes to you.......keep your priorities straight and jump in with both feet! Love will catch you.............IN heart, Wendy
Mama2 I am new here also. Do not listen to narrow minded individuals, stuck in the dark ages. If he wants a child, and most importantly, if you do, then have one. Don't let others fears and inflexibility influence your life or the life of your baby.
Yep... as the subject says, we had a woman in our city deliver twins at 60!!! No clinic here in town would help her, so she flew to India, had donor embryos implanted, and delivered the wee ones just last month. She got SO MUCH FLAK from everyone!!! and the doctors were so ticked with her. WHATEVER!!!!
My hubby and I went the gamut of vasectomy reversal ($$), tried for 2 years, then we tried IVF/ICSI ($$$$), that too failed... we also tried acupuncture and traditional Chinese meds ($$$ & $$$) and then took out a loan towards adopting internationally ($$$$$$) but then the economy went down the tubes, and we are left empty handed with broken hearts and spirits. Currently, we are undergoing the screening process for domestic adoption (private adoption means again $$$$$$ and some nightmare stories from friends), and waiting on pins and needles to see if we are approved. To top it all off, they tell us government adoptions have little if any normal healthy children, because the children they have available have all been apprehended or given up for a reason! (birth defects, FAS, Down syndrome, drugs, HIV, etc, etc)...
SO... bottom line... IF you are SUCCESSFUL in getting pregnant whatever method you need to do, I say KUDOS and CONGRATULATIONS. I wish you the very, very BEST of LUCK in your journey to get pregnant!!!! I would give ANYTHING to have a baby with my hubby! You go girl!
Have you considered going to another country yourself to try IVF ? I'm living in Egypt and the cost here is considerably cheaper then USA about 9,0000le (or about 2,000 us$) even with airfare, hotel etc, it would still be cost effective and nice holiday as well. Fertility treatments are fairly common here, there was recently a story about a women having septuplets here.
I am in the same boat at 46 and contemplating a child with my 33 yr old boyfriend. I can only say that my personal feelings are, if you can get pregnant and deliver a happy healthy baby.. then more power to you. I dont know if that will happen for me. But if not lets remember there are thousands of children in need of parents already in the world. I think all of us would do well to consider adoption. A perk would be that if you are older and adopt a child that is 8 or so, you will not be as old when they graduate as you would if you had your own baby, ha ha