Medical Questions > Relationships > Broken Hearted Forum

I Can't Move On (Page 1)

Hi all, I was with a guy for 7 years he left me and in a matter of a month replaced me with another girl. It's been a year so far and I still cry and miss him so much. The last time I heard from him he was 1/1/2005 he left me a msg saying that he loves me and that I will always have his heart. It's so hard for me to let him go because even though he has been leaving me msg's like that one I know it can't be true since he still hasn't asked me back out. About 4 months ago I decided to give another guy a chance and i've been trying to force myself to like him but I can't. I don't know what to do. People tell me to give it time that time will heal the pain but time hasn't helped me love him any less. Do any of you have any advice for me?
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First Helper pascho
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replied January 10th, 2005
Experienced User
Right now I no how u feel. My bf left me yesterday. While ending this he was crying. He said he still loves me and if he had a nother relationship I would be the gurl. But I dont get it. I cant get over him. I feel like crap.
Hope every thing is ok for u
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replied January 10th, 2005
Experienced User
I know how you both feel my boyfriend of 2 years left me 4 months ago. I am finally close to being over it. He told me when we broke up that he still loved me and still wanted to be close friends. We didn't become anything. He has a new girlfriend as of 2 months ago. He manages to flaunt it in my face everyday and treats me like I have some extremely contagious disease. Why are guys such jerks? I tried forcing myself to like people also. That didn't work but now I have a few crushes so just give it time. If you see him everyday that makes it worse but try to make the best out of the situation. I hope you get over your exes and can say to yourselves it is his loss.
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replied February 16th, 2005
Helpful Advice
My advice for anyone trying to get over a broken heart is don't try to forget him/her because that will only lead to more pain. It is the same way if you lose a loved one. Don't dwell on what can't happen because you've broken up, instead dwell on the good things you did together.

This last summer I was playing "friends with benifits" with my best friend and I broke the rules when I became emotionally attached to him. As the relationship progressed I began to reallize that even though he cared for me in the friend sence there wasn't any chance that he would ever see me as anything but a nice piece of friendly a** that he could have anytime he wanted. So even though it tore me up inside I knew I had to stop the benifits. Maybe even the friendship if he wasn't willing to stay friends.
It's now been almost 6 months and we are still friends but we will never be good friends again. He knew why I broke it off and that it was killing me inside because he could read my moods and my thoughts better than anyone else alive, including my mother.
Yes I still am hurting there is not a single day that goes by that I don't think of him and wonder if I did the right thing. But I know now that I was in love with him. It's a good possibility that I will always love him. Am I sorry that it didn't work out? Not in a million years. I wouldn't change a single thing except that I might have gone all the way more often.

I have always heard that hindsight is better than foresite and it is true. Our differences would never have worked themselves out. (ei. I'm more religious, he's not)

i'm sorry your hurting, I hope this helps a bit.
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replied February 16th, 2005
Experienced User
7 years is a very long time... Believe me, I know. Yes time will heal... But not in a year. Typical rule of thumb is that it takes half the length of the relationship (if healthy) to get over them. If it was a bad relationship the healing time goes quicker. From my own experiences and from others I know, this seems to be a fairly accurate rule of thumb.

But the problem is... You have another 2+ years of pain ahead of you, how do you cope with it?

Well first off, you should tell him to stop leaving you these types of voice mail messages. Everytime he does this, he is pulling you back in... Tugging you along with this string. It makes it much more painful and a lot more difficult to get go. A lot of guys and girls do this after break up... Not really on purpose, but usually as a fall-back. They keep you there, and if their current relationship doesn't work... They've still got you waiting.

The next thing is to stop forcing yourself to have feeling for someone else... You can't expect to feel 7 years of history in a guy after 2 months. It doesn't work like that. Take your time, have male friends, do what you gotta do, and live your life. When the time is ripe, you'll move on and find someone new.

Even if he did ask you back out... Do you really really want him back after he has dragged you through hell and back? Especially by replacing you like a pair of old socks? I don't think so... He was great, the relationship was great, things happened... Move on. Live your life... Do something positive. Join a gym, eat healthier, take some extra courses, do some volunteer work, save your cash, get a new job... Just don't sit around at home moping and crying. It's not going to help anything.

Good luck,
justin
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replied March 5th, 2009
You have to decide ones and for all, do you really want to move on or not. If not than figure it out with him.
If you do, than why you even read his massages. It like you are going back with him emotionally. If you do that you�ll never heal!!!
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replied June 10th, 2009
Why can't I move on?
I do really understand what is the feeling of a broken hearted. I was with this guy for 1 year, At the age of 30 I was virgin and I give my self to him. Then one day he told me that it would be unfare for me to be in a relationship,�  and that he is not ready for the next step. He cried so much during our last talked so I don't understand really what is his real feelings to me during the months that we are together. It's been 3 months now since we broke up but it still hurting me so much, I am still hoping that he will call me one day to continue where we left... I know it is crazy my family and friends help me to forget him but the more I dated another man the more he is in my head and heart.
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replied April 24th, 2010
Wow. Ok the question was posted about 5 years ago and i hope you''re over your ex by now. But let me tell you what i''m going through.
I was with this guy for about 11 months, we loved each other so much but i had to graduate from school and go to college and leave him because he was still one year younger than me. I was willing to try long distance relationship but he wasn''t. Which really hurt me because i thought our love was strong enough to at least try it out. So, we decided to break up and just be "friends". In this case, i couldn''t be friends with him i had to avoid him in school, i had to delete him off my facebook delete his number and so on because...because that was the only way to erase him from my mind. I thought it was working. I''d spend so much time with my friends, go to clubs, have girls night out and so much other fun things to do. Finally, i graduated and now i am a 2nd year in college. I had a new boyfriend in 1st year college however during the relationship, i slowly came to realize that i was still in love with my ex. Therefore i ended it. I feel really really bad for the guy that i went out with last year because i was technically just "using him" to get over my ex (i didn''t do it on purpose tho...) i felt bad but i couldn''t lie to myself. Anyways what i''m trying to say is, whoever that''s going through exactly the same thing out there in the world, id say "Don''t force yourself to hate the guy or move on. Cuz it''s never going to work." I am now a loser who''s still in love with a highschool relationship that ended an year ago, but now i am not ashamed of it. At least i know how to love a person that much right? Smile
It''s gona hurt a lot when he gets a new gf but maybe...just maybe i can get over when he gets a new gf Smile
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replied April 27th, 2010
Extremely eHealthy
I think everyone finds it hard after breaking up with someone who meant a lot to you.. but you must be breaking up for a good reason or else you would still be together would you not? and also just look back on all the great things you did together..things that made you laugh etc..jenny
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replied September 9th, 2010
Cancelled wedding, Ended long term relationship
I know this is an old post BUT i feel like i can almost relate BUT i'm the opposite way round.
I have just ended my 9 year relationship with my fiance because I wasn't in love with him anymore. we were due to get married in November and it's the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I Love him to bits, so much but there was no spark for me anymore. I avoided sex at all costs and we just lost all sexual intimacy, but we were best friends.
I am really struggling to cope with this, eventhough it was my decision. It feels like such a waste of my life so far. We were together from being 18 and i'm now 27 and am starting my life from scratch. I have the constant worry that i've made the wrong decision and that in 3 months i'll regret it and then spend the rest of my life grieving for what I lost........but in the next breath, I wonder that if i never did this would I have ended up divorced in 5 years? Can anyone offer any advice? I feel like my life has totally ended. I've lost my house, my best friend (we got on so well), his family, all our mutual friends, my life.
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replied May 16th, 2012
My ex and I were to marry. She ended it unexpectedly and without good reason. She said I'd done nothing wrong. I thought everything was perfect between us. I've never had closure and I'm still grieving. Even before we were bf & gf, she was the most consistent, kind, caring, thoughtful person I've ever met. One of the hardest things I've had to accept is I've lost the best friend I've ever had.
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replied September 10th, 2010
Experienced User
Ok...if he was your best friend.....then how did you loose the spark? If you had that type of connection (best friends) your relationship would have gone the test of time. Reconsider and rethink your action....make sure your correct so you have no regrets. Remember....any relationship is work.....if you don't feed it it will eventually die.
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replied October 30th, 2010
Moving on is hard - but worth it.
Reply to net 20. I ended a 10 year relationship last year. I'm a lot older than you and I also feel sad and that maybe I'm losing something. And I still miss him like hell. But the sex had been gone for years. At your age (even at my age!) you deserve to have a sex life and to feel that "magic" with someone. No, it won't be like in the beginning when you're all "in love" but I know couples who still hold hands, have a love life, feel romantic, after 30 years together. You did the right thing. So did I. By staying in that relationship you could have been missing out on the chance to find your true soul mate (if you believe in that sort of thing). Lost opportunities...Good luck!
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replied January 9th, 2011
move on
I feel the same way like you all. why move on is hard? actually he has been hurting me so damn,but I still love him. I just ended my 1 years relationship,I know it a short time for you. not like 7 years,9 years or 10 years,but it te hardest move on for me. I've been dating more than 1 year, but why it most difficult move on with him? which though not so long.I still cant believe,I still hope that he will back,he will realize that I really really love him so much. we have the same feel
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replied January 29th, 2011
In response to net-20
You have definately done the right thing, Somebody told me once it is harder to fall out of love than into love, as you carry the guilt of ending things. I split with my partner of 10 yrs - 3 years ago, It was a trying time and I'm coming out of the other side now, but I had to cut contact. I'm still hurting myself un some ways, I started seeing somebody new 9 mths after the split, he gave me that magic again..but it was too soon..it didn't work and i'm nursing old wounds. What I would advise and what I have learnt..is that you need to give yourself time to be alone, to find yourself again...you will!! A 9 yr relationship is a long time, and you need to spend time with friends, keep busy and enjoy doing what you want to do! My mistake was getting involved with someone else because it was like a bandaid and that ended up hurting me more! so now i'm going it alone, pressure from society to date I now ignore as getting emotionally healthy again in key! good luck and you will be fine!! xxxx
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replied January 29th, 2011
man says those things to make it easy on you girls, get over it, its normal to be sad, BUT WHILE YOU ARE SAD DOES HE CRY ON YOU NOOOOO, he is waking up next to the new girl. enjoy your time off, don't look for anything and without knowing it, your next love will come.

People come and go, doesn't mean it was 7 years it was the love of your life, move on, and be strong, crying won't make him come back, he moved on for sure!

Each relationship is different, doesn't mean you try with someone and didn't work others won't work.
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Users who thank pouffychickidee for this post: xxmikexx 

replied April 29th, 2011
My boyfriend of 2 years just broke up with me...and it hurts so much. We have had problems and almost broke up a lot of times. But this time it just went too far and I just want to call him and talk to him and want everything to go back to normal. We were best friends before we started dating and we fell madly in love with each other. And all of that seems to have disappeared. He does not want to talk to me anymore and he started pulling away from me for a while now. I have no idea what I am doing wrong and he won't talk to me about it. I still love him very much and it hurt so much when he said it would be better if we did not see each other anymore. Although I want to get back with him, I don't want to call him ask him to take me back when he broke my heart. This is my first relationship and I have no idea how to take it or who to talk to. All I can think of is to pick up the phone and call him...
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replied May 5th, 2011
my boyfriend cant move on! i fell completely head over heels for this guy when we met and he feels the same about me, it was a love at first sight situation which was strage for me as i never believed in love or relationships so it took my breath away .but he cant let go of his ex 3 years after they split up. he is sicilian and has a flat in palermo, however he works in the uk and lives in my place as he is between jobs and he doesnt have much cash - or so i thought!!! hi ex has been living in his flat rent free for threee years and he recently paid for them to go to new zealand for a wedding. he is best friends with his ex and there is still a lot of love there which i can accespt now. however his ex is not a genuine person and uses his affections as a way of getting cash and a free ride. he cant see it and when i bring it up it causes arguments. at the moment he has bowel cancer and is having treatment in sicily but has to stay in his mothers house because his ex wont let him stay in his own flat, because they have another ex (recently splitt up) staying there wuth them. and they still keep asking for money even during his treatment. dont know if i can continue to have a relationship with someone who doenst realise when they are being used by ex partners but ive fallen for him in a big way and cant leave him because of his illness, but i keep finding enormous receips for items his ex wants and his cards are always getting rejected when we are out for dinner. he is due to have another dose of chemo next week and he is taking me on a suprise holiday even though he is not well, he would do anything for anyone at the expense of his health or finances and i love him immensly but dont know what to do. i am 30 and he is 46, i feel like i am always thinking of a future while he is always thinking of a past. any advice???????????
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replied May 6th, 2011
i know what you mean me and my bestfriend had a thing going on, we didnt really call it dating but it was definetly more than friends then one day the girl that he had had some history with and he wasnt completely over her told him that she didnt want him to speak with her while he spoke to me. Right after that he stopped tlaking to me, and it hurts so bad. I see him almost all the time and when our eyes meet i can see sadness in his eyes( i know him better than anyone else) but i dont get why he stopped talking to me. it hurts every single day and i really dont know what to do.... its been almost 3 months since then.
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replied September 18th, 2011
How do I get over him?
my boyfriend and i of 10 months just split. He broke up with me for noreason and wewere madly in love and even lived together theentire time which was robably a mistake. I recently met someone else, but it has only been 2.5 months since we split. I feellike there is no future for my life in marriage now because of the way i was fooled. I thought it was goin to last forever, and i still can't move on. I am soin love with him but he doesn't seem to care. Even when we don't talk for a month i feel so hurt and that maybe in time he will miss me but he has other plans. I'm confused!!! Will i ever fall in love again? How do I get rid of this pain and depression? I am on antidepressents now and they do not seem to work...i understand people say time heals...but i feel like even on my wedding day, he will be the only face i see and that i am only forcing myself to move on without really wanting it. it sucks what doi do????????
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replied September 23rd, 2011
I was in a relationship for 15 yrs...it ended and I am still hurting 4 yrs later...I am 49 and don't think I will ever find someone else again..I don't want to date yet..of course, people want to "fix" me up but I can't..I do try to remember our good times together but it hurts and makes me feel sad. He is with someone else so that makes it even worse. Just thought to post...thanks for the forum. Joyce Marie
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