Hi,

i just want to say that the way I look at it--and I have had experience with a man liking porn--is that the man who I knew who liked porn, which really turned me off, proved himself to be incapable of respecting me as a woman in any way that did not reflect on his self-image. I mean he loved to see me looking nice but it became obvious that has more to do with his vanity and shallow character. He did not show respect when it came right down to it, like considering my feelings in other areas, not just that I didn't like porn, but he would do whatever he liked in general whether it bothered me or not. He has demonstrated he is incapable of deep love and intimacy. That is the issue I would urge you to consider. It is a sign you may be operating on two distinct emotional levels and that could be unhealthy especially for you. I think you should try to open a dialogue/conversation with him about the respect issue --in a calm manner. I think that a relationship especially marriage is real when the conversation/dialogue is still there. When there is no more dialogue the relationship isn't really there I think. If your gut tells you there is something wrong there probably is. A lot of men are into porn unfortunately.

Get away from this guy. He has too many deep rooted issues and you can not save him and he will not change.

Hello mjk:)
I also have a problem with my partner looking at porn.Alot! I have been with my partner for about 3 years and caught him looking and "playing" with his fantasy girls on the internet since we;ve been together.I have cried,he said sorry he'll stop.I've gotten angry,he said he'll stop.I've ignored him,he said he'd stop.He swore to me that he wasn't doing anything anymore,in the meantime i've caught him,mainly to see if he'd tell the truth.He can't keep his eyes to himself when we go out.He "has to" turn his head in the direction of any woman walking past.He said he enjoys looking.I told him it is disrespectful in front of me.I have kept my weight down and dyed my hair to impress him.What good does it do? We have a 2 year old daughter together and this is frustrating me and I can't keep the anger in and I tell him it bothers me and I don't want to show her i'm upset.I told him I really think he wants me to leave him but cannot say it.He says he loves me but it's just the way "guys are".I think not all! When I have gone out to school,work,the store,i would always get a compliment or asked if i'm taken.I can't tell you how many offers I get a week.And here I am feeling like the ugliest woman in the world...Just from one man!What a waste of my life! It's a shame how a partner can make you feel! I have told my partner over and over again that I deserve to be treated with more respect! It's as if he has no brain at all! I am so confused at the fact that he can say one thing and do the other!!! So,all I can say to you is...Keep your head up.Smile.If you'd like to check out my website,it is:roxmodeling.Com have a nice day:)

I will let you know I am a 27yo male and I have been married almost 3 years and with my wife almost 7 years total.

Before I met me wife I had a 'collection' of porn and went to the strip clubs atleast once a month, when I met me wife I could tell (and oh she let me know :)) that she did not approve of it and I think it makes her feel undesirable so I tossed the porn and quit going to the clubs out of respect for her because I love her dearly and would never want her to feel that way.

You must also remember that men are different than women and some guys really just need it, if it was a big deal for me to give it up I may have started a fight over it wtih my wife but then again then we may not be togeather now, but I can tell you that some men need it just because they have a higher sex drive and some do it because they get bored with the partner they have and if anything it can spice up things and give him some ideas if anything if you are a female who is ok with it, of all the girls I have been with 80% seem to be ok/like it but 20% don't so it really is all dependant on the female.

He should still quit doing it if you dont like it but I will be the first to fess it is something that some guys just can't stop.

As far as looking at other people well in that case he is just an ahole and lacks respect for you, even if he is doing it he seems to be doing it so that you have no problem noticing and I really feel for you, I know how that would make me feel and it is not good at all.

Usually with these type of 'lookers' most of them will want to keep browing the eye candy but will get very angry if you did the same so have you tried going that route yet? I know it would not make you feel good probably but if it gets him angry enough and make him realize how you feel then maybe it will change his mind.

Too bad you have a kid with him as then we could all just suggest leaving his ass but its really had with having a child with someone as it cuts down your options.

Hi! Sue for faith. I just want to tell you that I have alot in common with you. My husband also works in construction and it seems that when you get a group of men together, working or not, they all revert back to their childhhood pranks. Not to mention the foul language and wolf whistles! So I can see some truth to them putting something like that in his vehicle. The "boys" my husband works with, filled the back of his truck with thier lunch trash. On the subject of the porno, I agree with the other post in that some men actually have very high sex drives and as long as he is not neglecting you in the bedroom and keeping you satisfied, I wouldn't worry about it. It's time to worry when he would rather look at porno than you.

Hello everyone!
The only real reason I have a problem with my husband looking at porn is that when I get home from wherever,he'll be "too tired" to make love or simply not feeling good.When I find out what he did while I was away,it makes me so damn furious knowing he was enjoying himself.And to look me in the eyes and swear to me that he was doing nothing wrong, makes me even more furious.I told him that it is very hard for me to trust him and that if he's lying about that stuff,what else is he/will he lie about? I told him that after all the sh-- i've put up with and the lies,and that I remain married to him that the only way I can "get over it" is by me letting him have a taste of his own medicine.I will start to lie to him,keep things from him,and deny things right in front of his face.He said."however you need to get over it."isn't that so sad? I do not think couples should go on like this.I had asked him if he's acting this way because he wants me to leave or him to leave but doesn't know how or when to say it.He said if he wanted to leave,he'd leave.Any advice??? Thank you:) roxanne

Hey bigman16,
I understand why men would deny it.But I have wanted to watch it w/him.Wouldn't men enjoy it better if their mate got into it w/him? I think if I really liked porn and my spouse enjoyed it w/me,that would be cool and we'd get along better and a better understanding.But it only makes it bad in the relationship when you have to lie! I do not hate porn.It's the fact that he has to keep it a secret from me.My ex-husband and I use to watch it together. That's probably why we lasted 13 yrs?????I really don't understand. My current husband likes keeping "his excitement" to himself.Also....With women,it's not really the size...It's the respect.Then the size:) have a good day.Smile:) if you'd like to check out my website,it's:roxmodeling.Com

I am in the same situation, I have actually always been the more wild one than my husband, wanting to try new things, bigger drive as well.... A while back my mom was helping me put something on my computer and a bunch of porn downloads came up- he said his friend did that, which did not seem untruthful to me because I know his friend, then about a month later I found totally different ones, so I asked him, because they were all of one specific act and that to me is a signal that I need to do that thing more and take care of him, and I told him that and he totally denied they were his and screamed and yelled at me saying I was crazy, well it had been about 5 months since that happened- I dropped the whole subject but always had a feeling, well a few weeks back I took him into a specialty store and had him pick out some movies and toys and other stuff- I have nothing against that, and for some reason after that he fessed up to the whole thing- he said he felt embarrassed and guilty and that he does not think of me as someone he can do that sort of stuff to or with....What is that- we are married and to me that is a big signal that something bad is to come - I dont know what to do and just last night I saw a different program he is using on the computer with the same types of downloads, I have said nothing yet- advice please!

Hi all

i realised that my hubby is not the only one who lies about reading porn.
I m ok with porn; I let him know from the very beginning that I watch and read porn myself. But; time after time; I found porn sites on the internet that he visited. Once; I found this porn webpage still on the computer when I use it, I asked him to close his porn pages when his 6 years old daughter is over during the weekend. He denied everything, claiming that he is not interested in porn; he prefers the real thing blah blah blah and said that must b due to those irritable pop ups and definitely he isnt into porn. Ok; I trusted him since he said so and dropped the topic right away.
But, so many times I found the same thing and I started checking on the history of the internet explorer, he looks at porn almost everyday.
I m cool with the idea that he reads porn; but; definitely not that he lies to me. Why would he lie to me over such a small issue? It makes me feel ....Like I cant trust him in other things. If he lies over such thing; I keep asking myself; what else does he lie about?
He is such a great husband otherwise; I love him very much; however, I m also the type of person who really really hates lier. Honesty is the most important virtue to me and he knows it. I havent talk to him about all these, I m afraid its killing our marriage slowly. Sometimes I look at him; I feel; gosh I love him so much; but; how much of the real him do I really know? How much of him is a lie and how much is the truth?
It really takes a lot from me, I get moody and I dont know how to tell him, I fear that by discussing and confronting him with it; he would feel that I invade his privacy. What should I do? Anyone has any idea at all?

Hi

the problem is when your partner replaces sex with porn, that is unhealthy. Mine does that, while I am at work he watches porn but then he is too tired to do anything. He also told me it is quicker, cleaner and you don't have to think of your partner's feelings (which he never does anyway). I have nothing against porn when it is in moderation and does not affect your sex life but if your husband prefers porn to sex with you, there is a problem there and I know how frustrating it is!
Good luck!

My man is the way when I go away he is to tired to have sex when I get home and when I go in are bed room I see spots on the bed

when I ask what is this he lies to me says they are nothing I say ti him u are lieing I smell him and his penis to see if he smells like sex he doesnt tahst when I now he playing with him self looking at porn aftyer all the times I caught him now he doesnt do it any more I tyold him if I see this sh** again its over iam taking are kids and leaving he stops real fast now he doesnt do it any more

Hey. I have been married for 4 years and my husband's porn is a big issue. I found porn on the computer not long after we were married and I had a bad feeling.I would confront him.At first he said he was just looking because he wanted to spice things up which hurt because i've always wanted to please him but I tried even harder and wasn't making any headway and i'm not unattractive at all but was made to feel like it.2 years into our marriage I didn't feel right so I started digging into the computer and got into my husband's email account and found other email accounts I didn't know about just from stuff coming to his regular email. He was offering to meet up w/ women, looking at web cams and even said I wasn't doing it for him to these trashy site women.I confronted him and he said that nothing was going on and wouldn't do it again.The next day while he was at work, I found a brand new email account that he just made and he was at it again.I confronted him again and same thing.I feel like somewhere in our relationship he has cheated on me from this but he says he hasn't. A year later after I left him along with my 3 year old and 2 month old for 5 months, I went back to him and i've noticed changes in him but he's lied so much that I don't know what to do or believe anymore.He had also posted his own naked pictures on different sites like adultfriendfinder.Com a year ago and that nearly killed me. He is in the navy so I have no family around and am too embarrassed to talk to anyone. He says that he desperately love me but I feel a deep sense of betrayal from the man I whole heartedly committed to. I have two kids and I am wanting to make my marriage work. I don't know what i'm going to do yet but I am going to go to counseling for myself (even though he won't) while he is on deployment right now(which is scarey,who knows what's going on when he's stopping at ports) he is a good father to my boys but I don't want him to pass this crap on to them. Anyway ladies, definetly trust your instincts and if you like, I can definetly give you pointers on how to find out what you're husband is really doing on the internet if it's not just porn. Porn can lead to other things and something is definetly not right when they lie about it. Sad that i've gotten really good at knowing my computer because of my husband. Any advice or just some understanding would be great

I ask my man about the porn in his comp he tells me its stuck in his comp
he also goes to his moms house some times and looks at porn .
We like never have sex this is the first guy I had sex with now we have kids together

Blue21jen, what you wrote made me so angry at your husband. I dont know how you went through with it, I would have definately broke up with my boyfriend. Trust me, no matter what they dont change. They will do it behind your back and when you confront them they're gonna lie about it. Then when you show the evidence thats when they have the stupid look on their face and say '' oh but I love you ..Etc'' arg. =t

Blue21jen, what you wrote made me so angry at your husband. I dont know how you went through with it, I would have definately broke up with my boyfriend. Trust me, no matter what they dont change. They will do it behind your back and when you confront them they're gonna lie about it. Then when you show the evidence thats when they have the stupid look on their face and say '' oh but I love you ..Etc'' arg. =t