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ftmommy201
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 Jul 2004
Posts: 178
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What Would You Guy's Do?
Posted: 12-27-04 18:58pm
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Hi all...Ok..I have this situation to
where the father and I are not together
anymore but he say's he will deff. Be
here for the baby and help me out w/him as
far as money goes. We still communicate
and he is going to be there when the baby
comes. Him and I decided "we" weren't
going to be an item just because I am pg
but that we will both be here in his life
so he will know both mom and dad, we can't
seem to get along as a couple anymore but
he does want to be here for his son. But
here is the thing, I really believe that
he is going to be an awesome dad and maybe
one day there will be a chance for us, who
know's. But he want's the baby to have
his last name. I am not worried about
child support and all that because I know
that won't be an issue and I know putting
his last name on the bc gives him certain
right's and im ok with that but I don't
want to make the wrong choice!!! My doc
told me after he was born I have 6-month's
to where I can change the last name if I
want to. Should I give him his last name
and see how thing's go? If they don't go
well then put my last name? What do you
guy's think??
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Tazzy D
Advanced Support Team
Joined: 30 Oct 2004
Posts: 3718
Location: , va
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My Opinion
Posted: 12-27-04 19:03pm
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No matter what you do or say you can never
change the dad/father. All of my children
have there dads last name, and I wouldnt
change that for the world. I believe a
child has that right. Even if you dont
put the fathers name on the bc he still
has rights. But you said that wasnt an
issue anyway. I think it is just
prefernce of what you want to call your
child and if you want your son to carry
your name or carry the fathers name and if
he is going to be a junior..............
Good luck hun.. I think you will do what
is best for him and you
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sandyallen
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Feb 2004
Posts: 4580
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Posted: 12-27-04 19:13pm
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Hi there! If he is the true father I
definitely feel his name should be on the
birth certificate and should receive his
last name but if he is not the biological
father then no way should this be done.
I would not want any man's name on my
birth certificate other then my biological
father, no matter what the situation was
but you must do what you feel is right.
The best to you all!
Sincerely,
sandy
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ftmommy201
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 Jul 2004
Posts: 178
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Thanks Guys
Posted: 12-27-04 19:20pm
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There is no doubt about him being the dad
so I will more than likely put his name on
the bc. Your right tazzy..He will always
be the dad and I know my son has the right
to know that. Thank you guys for
responding.
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PosrscheLvr
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 05 Oct 2004
Posts: 304
Location: Plano, Texas
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Posted: 12-28-04 00:44am
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I don't agree with any of this. I think
she should put her own last name on the
bc. The dad is not going to be the
primary caregiver, why does the kid need
his last name? I guess I am not
traditional or whatever but I think that's
crap. If I am going to be a single mother
then the kid is going to have my last
name, end of story. *shrugs*
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Tazzy D
Advanced Support Team
Joined: 30 Oct 2004
Posts: 3718
Location: , va
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Posted: 12-28-04 11:08am
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| posrschelvr
wrote: | | i don't agree with any of
this. I think she should put her own
last name on the bc. The dad is not
going to be the primary caregiver, why
does the kid need his last name? I guess
I am not traditional or whatever but I
think that's crap. If I am going to be a
single mother then the kid is going to
have my last name, end of story.
*shrugs* |
just because you are the primary
caregiver doesnt mean you conceived the
child by yourself. Giving the baby the
fathers last name is not traditional in my
book it is respect for your child. So how
about when they get older?????? Mom y
dont I have my dads last name??? Do you
not know who he is???? Well I want his
last name!!!! My point is you can change
names in the court house why do it later
and waist money....
That is my opinion.. All of my chidren
have their fathers last name. I feel that
is who they are... But like I said it is
all pref. Its up to you what you want
your child to be called/named. Good luck
hun
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~*klo*~
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 19 Nov 2004
Posts: 353
Location: eng
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Posted: 12-28-04 16:43pm
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I think its up to you. You no him best
and maybe can tell what sort of pap he'll
be.
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lil_blaze2004
Supporter
Joined: 29 Oct 2004
Posts: 6492
Location: ,
Thanks: 1
Thanked:0
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Posted: 12-29-04 12:21pm
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Why don't u hyphen the last name-his and
yours?????
I have decided to give my child only
hubby's last name because I don't see or
speak with my father or anyone from that
side of my family so I have no real urge
to continue the family name.
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ftmommy201
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 Jul 2004
Posts: 178
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Hey Guys
Posted: 12-29-04 14:04pm
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Well now he is wanting the baby to have
his first and last name. He says it means
a lot to him. The last name isn't really
an issue but I already had a first name
picked out?? I like his name and it would
be neat but if he decided not to stick
around then that will be his name from now
on and i'll be constantly calling him his
father's name..Grrrrrrr.....I wish thing's
weren't so confusing!!
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ftmommy201
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 Jul 2004
Posts: 178
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Hey Guys
Posted: 12-29-04 14:04pm
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Well now he is wanting the baby to have
his first and last name. He says it means
a lot to him. The last name isn't really
an issue but I already had a first name
picked out?? I like his name and it would
be neat but if he decided not to stick
around then that will be his name from now
on and i'll be constantly calling him his
father's name..Grrrrrrr.....I wish thing's
weren't so confusing!!
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Tazzy D
Advanced Support Team
Joined: 30 Oct 2004
Posts: 3718
Location: , va
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Posted: 12-29-04 14:17pm
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Well it is up to you. Both of my sons are
jrs and I just nick named them. You are
always going to be reminded of him
everyday anyway because he is the father.
Oh one more point that I didnt see
mentioned is if something would happen to
the father before your child turns 18 .
Your child would get his disability
stuff/death benefitd. Not wishing that on
you or your son but that just happened to
my friend and the father pasted away and
now she is going through hell to prove
that her daughter belongs to him. So that
is another reason why it is good to put
the father on things..... Ggod luck
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steen
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Nov 2004
Posts: 1797
Location: Upper Midwest
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Posted: 12-29-04 15:23pm
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The one concern I have is when this guy 4
mths after birth decide to move to hawaii
instead, leaving you and the kid behind.
Then you have a kid with a stranger's
name, a stranger the kid will never
remember.
It takes a comittment to earn the title of
"father." whether he has that comittment
or not is hard to say at this time.
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lil_blaze2004
Supporter
Joined: 29 Oct 2004
Posts: 6492
Location: ,
Thanks: 1
Thanked:0
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Posted: 12-29-04 15:35pm
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| steen
wrote: | the one concern I have is
when this guy 4 mths after birth decide to
move to hawaii instead, leaving you and
the kid behind. Then you have a kid
with a stranger's name, a stranger the kid
will never remember.
It takes a comittment to earn the title of
"father." whether he has that comittment
or not is hard to say at this
time. |
i actually agree with you on the whole
title, except for me I always said anyone
can be a "father" but it takes work to be
a "dad" anyhoo what if this guy really
wants his child in his life? This
happened to a girlfriend of mine and she
gave her son his dad's last name and now
he just turned 5 and still sees his dad
all the time. So it really depends on
the person. That's why I though
hyphenating it would be good. Jmo
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Tazzy D
Advanced Support Team
Joined: 30 Oct 2004
Posts: 3718
Location: , va
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Posted: 12-29-04 16:54pm
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She can always change the babies last
name. I think its like within 6 months or
something
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ftmommy201
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 Jul 2004
Posts: 178
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Also...
Posted: 12-29-04 21:57pm
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I am worried because we have figured out
the money stuff between us and I am
worried with his name on there..Will the
state go after him for $$$...It's just we
have a good stable system working between
us and if the state get's involved it's
actually going to cause a big mess!!! If
I thought he wasn't going to be involved I
wouldn't worry about it, I would say take
him for everything he is worth but that's
not the case, he has been great here
lately as far as making sure baby and I
have what we need. And im really not
worried about the future. So what's the
deal on that? If his name is on there
does that keep the state from going after
him??
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Tazzy D
Advanced Support Team
Joined: 30 Oct 2004
Posts: 3718
Location: , va
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Posted: 12-29-04 22:03pm
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Ok if you are getting help from the state
regardless if his name is on there or not
they will find out and yes they will go
after him. 1 if you are receiving cash
benefits then they will go for support.
2. If you are receivng no cash benifits
and only receiving medicaid for the baby
then they will go for medical support
only, unless you want child support added.
It is not up to you wether they persue
him or not if you are receiving any of
those things. The best thing for him is
if he has a job with ins. He needs to put
the baby on it and they wont bother him.
That is what I was told. James and I just
went through this.... Good luck
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ftmommy201
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 Jul 2004
Posts: 178
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Thanks Tazzy
Posted: 12-29-04 22:11pm
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I know he mentioned something about seeing
if he could put both the baby and me on
his ins. I know he wants the baby on
there no matter what.
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Tazzy D
Advanced Support Team
Joined: 30 Oct 2004
Posts: 3718
Location: , va
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Posted: 12-29-04 22:13pm
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He can only put you on if you guys are
married... But yeah that is his best
option if you dont want them to persue for
child support. Just dont get tanf
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Nikki n Rudy
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 09 Nov 2004
Posts: 642
Location: Fort Worth, Texas
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Posted: 12-29-04 22:25pm
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I think you should put daddys name. And
as far as the insurance, he can put his
son on there without being married to you.
My son has been on his dads insurance
since he was born, we just never used it
until he was a year old (medicaid
stopped). Same will go for this baby.
But since we have court child support, he
is required by law to put his children on
the insurance and pay half of the
expenses.
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sandyallen
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Feb 2004
Posts: 4580
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Posted: 12-29-04 22:27pm
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The state should go after the biological
father(just my opinion)no matter what the
situation, he should be donating more than
the seed or sperm, this is why the system
is so messed up, these guys are getting
away with this, they shouldn't, you all
are talking about being responsible, so
should the guys but then again, it is your
choice.
Always,
sandy
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