i decided to post because I just started dating this unbelievably wonderful guy who has ms. I want to be better informed about the illness & how it's affecting him. He is fiercely independent, which rocks, but I want to be able to support him when/if that time comes.
So I guess i'm looking for starting points - good resources on ms, general info, because i'm not familiar with the illness. & I guess good resources for folks dating people with ms.
I'm absolutely crazy about him & I want to be better informed without putting all the burden on him to educate me.
Hi I am married to a very wonderful man who was diagnosed about 3 1/2 yrs ago. It is very hard to take care of someone with m.S. My hubby has very bad memory loss, so I have 2 keep track of everything for myself and him. I don't mind because I love him to death but just wanted you to know it's not easy. He gets very tired and then he doesn't want to do anything. He works very hard at work everyday to support us and I take care of the house. We don't have any kids yet and I am really looking into that with this problem too. I don't know if I can handle a memory for one more thing...Well hope all goes well with your love and you. Just remember who that person is and how increddible he is for taking on such a hard disease. My hubby is in remitt,remission so he is ok now. Still has numbness in his right hand but he is getting use to that. Please feel free to email anytime with questions or concerns...Michelle :)
I am 65.
New to MS.
Had 12 shots of Avonexc.
Walking but not driving.
1 daughter with 2 granddaughters. I have a son in law that I treat as my son.
The kids live in Pitts. I am in NJ.
Like to be with someone special again.
I have been dating a wonderful man who was diagnosed with MS in 2001...no major relapses, just minor things coming up here and now...I just love him so much. How are things after all these years. I have been with my wonderful man for two years now, but he is afraid of marrying me and becoming a burden.
tonidelacruz... it's a reasonable feeling he has of being a burden on you. He is a man. A man needs to be the provider... the protector... the dominate figure. With MS it's a very harsh reality that he may never be those things to you. I have been dating a man for almost 4 years who was diagnosed last year with MS and makes it very clear to me what his role in my life should and shouldn't be. It doesn't seem to matter how much we love them or try to understand the condition... we will never truly be able to comprehend as a woman what it's like for a man to face losing his masculinity and being dependent on the woman in his life. Most men would rather face a life time alone than being a burden in yours. Fortunately, my boyfriend and I are older and I'm very aware of the responsibility that may be in our future... love alone is not enough to conquer this condition. He at some point in his life may need you to be his caretaker... You need to honest with yourself and him if this isn't something you can handle. I have taken care of a grandparent... and I can assure you... wiping a full grown adult is not pleasant. This life doesn't have to be yours... but if you decide you want it... make the commitment and don't let him push you out... whether he admits it or not... he needs you.
I am so glad I found this forum. It feels good to know I'm not the only one going through these emotions and thinking these thoughts. The advice, stories and experiences here are priceless and what I needed to hear.
I recently fell in love with a man who confessed to me that he's been diagnosed with MS five years ago. I love him so much. I've been in love before, but nothing compared to the love and connection I have with him And just go figure--my dream man has an illness (which in my eyes ironically enough, if you were to know me, shows him to be even more perfect for me).
I'm a pretty roughneck, tough girl, sometimes even more dominant than a lot of the men I use to date in the past--well, he pretty much summed up my appreciation for finally having him in my life when he once told me..."You know what it is?....You met your match!" I suurrrre did. Our personalities are a matchmade in heaven and when we look into each others eyes--the realness we have and connection we share is indescribable. Pretty much, finding eachother made me a true believer that there is a GOD (if you can relate to where I'm coming from). Because there is no way I can have this strong of a connection with someone and have someone made for me--to the T. He is my ideal man...like a soul mate. So to find out he has this disease--really left me in a lost for words. How am I suppose to live my life now?
I am a registered nurse. So Im pretty experienced in taking care of people with illnesses. I have a good idea of how MS looks, I've taken care of many patients with a history of MS. So once he told me he has MS--I was like: JUST GREAT! The one man that I fell in love with, and the man of my dreams, my all-American bad ass boy, that drives chopped cars, who's responsible, has a great career, a family man, and a great lover and kisser (of course)=p has MS!?!?!? It hit me hard like a bullet train hitting a brick wall. But once you fall in love--not to mention fall pretty deep into it--how do you back out?!
So I admire the women who take care of their men with disabilities and hold the fort down. I admire the wives who remember who their husbands were at their prime prior to when the disease took over. I admire the girlfriends that know the man they fell in love with, and who that man really is behind the illness. I admire the women who whole-heartedly take on the role of caretaker for their men and family members just for the sake of love. And I agree--love isn't enough...but maybe you just need the support and recognition of all your hard work and efforts to make a man feel loved and cared for at his vulnerable time. Yes your men have the disease, and ultimately are the ones suffering from the pain and physical disabilites of MS. BUT as their WOMEN, you help them thru each day, and continue to support, love, and fight for them. Behind every strong man is his woman. And if that's not something we can learn to do in this day and age, or something that sets the strong apart from the weak, or even sets those who know TRUE LOVE, or unconditional love, apart from those who don't...then I guess on-line dating should be at the top of our list, along with facebook, instant gratification, and shallow connections from speed-dating and bar hopping. Please women...do not lose sight of who you are, your strengths, and your reasons...oh! and that your man, ultimately made you a stronger woman and person--in which you owe to him. Continue to love yourself the way you love others. And if you feel burned out, take a break or a mini vacay, cause you deserve it!
As for me, I don't know if I will be the woman strong enough in the end to share that with him for the rest of our lives, and achieve that type of love for one another...but I support you women who do, I aspire to be like you, and I want you all to know that you are not alone. What you are doing is genuine and unique, a love story all on its own, that lasts a lifetime, like the ones people make movies out of =)
Maybe one day we a support group/ organization for you women and care takers would be nice, so that you all feel supported and appreciated.
Please pray that I make the right decision in my relationship with him. And have a wonderful night tonight with your man. =)
Hi, LD your post is so honest and a help to me who has a half that gave up. A support group might help giving the other one ideas to cope so they don't just throw in the towel. Good for you I applaud you! Jim
im a man with MS i was diagnosed about 8 1/2 years ago when i was diagnosed i asked my wife of 13years i told her all i know about the illness she also looked up on the illness i told her then if she couldn't cope with my illness leave me now last year we celebrated our 21 wedding anniversary she got me a brilliant
pressy two police men a van my best mate and loaded half my furniture in to the van and left me she as told so many lies about me now i am trying to sort my life out my mate who i grow up with moved back from cornwall when i started losing my balance more as i started breaking bones in jan this year i brook my back in three places then in feb i feel and snapped my leg tib and fib i am waiting for an appointment to see a newro sergon now i just wish my wife would have left me 8 1/2 years ago
I have Progressive Mu;tiple Sclorsis looking to date?
I am a happy go lucky kinda guy. I was diagnosed in 2009 with MS and retired the end of March. My last long term relationship was two years ago. I would like to have a relationship with a woman whom I share similar interests
It is hard to deal with my own disability without having to deal with having to explain to someone who doesn't realize what your going thru.
Thanks for sharing your personal stories. I, too, fell in love with a man who has MS. It was absolutely amazing to be in love with that special one, and live in a fairy land. I considered him to be the love of my life, and, at the time, living separately, I did not know what the costs will be in moving with him.
He insisted to move in with him, and, so, I quit my well-paid job and moved in with him. He was a successful man, charismatic, good looks, the dream of any woman. He also had a crazy success with women.
After I moved in with him, I discovered him, the true him. Four years in the relationship, I discovered that he has been on online dating sites for casual sex. It is funny that during the period we have been together, I had this funny feeling that he is cheating, but, I did not want to let these thoughts sink and cloud my existence, so I ignored them. There was a sneaky suspicion that he has been cheating (text messages at all times of the night and day, always having a rolling eye, flirtatious, no sexual intimacy), but I chose what was best for me at that time. Because I loved him so much, I did not want to listen to my suspicions.
My relationship with Marty was like a rollercoster. The facts about his life and relationships he told me at the beginning were no longer true at the end (he told me the opposite). I am left wondering who is he, and, what is his purpose in my life? There were times when he told me that I will be his "retirement package", and that he is looking for a woman to support him. On another occasion, he said that I scored the highest as he was choosing his'ideal' candidate; he was working on a pre-defined agenda. Of course I did not know any of these before I moved in. But, there were certainly red flags that I ignored (Him not sleeping until 2-3 a.m. and always messaging people that late at night). When questioned, he hid his cell phone under his belly.
He has memory issues, but, his depression and emotional roller-coster is something I do not wish upon anybody to witness. His rage is something I have never seen or heard. He has huge emotional issues. You have to do it his way, you have no choice, otherwise he will yell at you like a mad man (a very sick and scary yell!). His wife left him in 2006 and he has three children with her. His children, now adults in their late twenties, never call him or talk with him. I feel very frightened when he yells! (It is a horrible yell, that, for normal people it is difficult to imagine).
Unfortunately, I cannot plan my future with him. This guy is very unstable, and abusive. The disease has taken over his life, and, implicitly, mine, too.
It is also sad to know that he had a pre-defined agenda before coming into this relationship...he wanted someone to be his caretaker. I knew nothing about MS, he looked normal, talked normal...and, most importantly, I was in love with him.
There are days when he sleeps non-stop. Sometimes, I go check his pulse...there are days when he wakes up at 2 p.m. watches t.v. until 10 p.m. and then sleeps until the next day, 2:00 p.m. Or, there are days when he watches t.v. on a couch, and does not talk to me at all.
One day we went for a ride and he was driving with 100 kms an hour. I do not exactly remember what was said...and he started yelling and screaming like a mad man and parked the car in full speed in the middle of the road. I thought for a second that that was the end. So terrifying. He said that he did that to his children all the time. Grr..
If I do not obey him, he threatens to leave. I never know what sets him off...I never know if he will come back home.
I reached the end of my rope with him. This is no longer a relationship. I am not allowed to express my feelings or to have a normal conversation with him. He forces me to apologize to him when he yells at me.I can no longer take the abuse and emotional turmoil he creates. He does not care.
Before I moved in with him, he asked his sister and her daughter to move in with him. They did move. However, Marty was very abusive to his sister and his niece. Before I moved in with him, his sister took me aside and told me exactly how he is (manipulative and abusive). I did not believe her...I wish I did. That is how this guy is. She called the cops on him...because he was very abusive to her. And, after three months, he threw them both on the street (with no money...no consideration for their well-being). I wish I would have paid close attention to all of these before moving in with him. It would have saved me my well-paid job, and, the quality of my life.
I wish you all the best everyone. I hope it will work out for you!