My Boyfriend Is Bipolar, I'm Feeling Torn (Page 4)

There are different extremities of bipolar disorder. Some are very extreme cases and some are not as extreme

This is bittersweet... it feels SO good to read these posts knowing I am not alone. My friends and family do not understand and I do feel like I have no one to talk to. It is very comforting to see how everything I have been going through is completely understood by all of you... I couldn't describe what has been happening to me any better than what I already see here.

Yet, at the same time, it scares me and makes me feel hopeless. I have been trying so hard to be patient and understanding and I have come to terms with the fact that this isn't going to be a "normal" relationship... but sometimes, like now, I am left alone crying and I really do wonder if I am strong enough to endure all of the heartache that comes with it. And I have always considered myself a strong person who has always been in control.

I know I'm on the losing end either way. I don't want to leave him and I know it will be very painful if I do. But if it doesn't get better I just don't think I will be able to spend a lifetime this way and if I wait too long I will hurt even more...

I cannot offer any advice now, I am having one of those confused days where I just don't know what to do anymore. I just wanted to thank everyone for posting. You all sound like beautiful people and don't let him make you feel otherwise.

i don't know what to do! i'm only 16 and i just found out my boyfriend who is 17 has a bipolar disorder. We've only been dating for about four months, and we've been having such a great time... Until about 2 weeks ago. I kept getting bad vibes from him and he just didn't want to talk about what was going on. It's his first "low" i guess since we've been together and I really don't know what to do. He does not want to talk about his disorder whatsoever and was very reluctant to even tell me he had it. In fact, I only just found out about an hour ago... after we decided to "take a break". Now that I realize what's going on, I really do NOT want to take a break. He's so great, and when he's feeling alright we're fantastic together. I just want to be there for him during his lows, but he's only been avoiding me, and withdrawing. and when we do speak he treats me horribly! Is it wrong for me to want to be with him? I know he'll pull out of it eventually right? and then things will go back to normal? I don't even know how to act around him when he's this bad. Do i go over and see him unexpectedly? or just let him sulk all day? I know I definitely don't want to break it off just yet, but if I do should I feel guilty? This is so confusing, I am so new at this, and he just won't talk to me about it! Should I let his behavious slide during these lows? or can it even be blamed on them? Oh and also, he's refusing to take his pills, for some reason that has yet to be revealed. I love being around this boy, and I know it could turn into something great, if I just knew what to expect and how to handle it. PLEASE HELP! I'm young and desperate.

I truely understand everything. My fiance is bipolar and he is so loving and sweet but when he's having a manic attack its so difficult to be with him. He lies to me and accuses me of things that I wouldnt accuse my worst enemy. I am torn. I dont know if I can continue on. I love him sooo much. I pray daily so that God would cure him.

I just had a relationship with a bi-polar man. It is alot of work. I was constantly accused of things I did not do, so much to the point that I would find I was always defending myself. He said things in hopes that I would hate him in order to leave the relationship alone. He sabbotaged it. He never ever took the blame for any wrongdoings it was always my fault. Finally he said he cannot deal with this anymore and left me alone. I am sure it was for the best.

For the first time, I am researching my boyfriend's bipolar episodes and I can relate to almost everyone. His behaviors are the same...he is a loving passionate person one minute, and then ten minutes later I am sitting with my mouth to the ground saying "are you serious...is this a joke?". He talks crap about my job and family and the food I like to eat....etc...it is crazy!...he is on Lamictal and seeing a doc but it's not helping too much. Cognitive-behavioral therapy is the best bet, but the most difficult thing to get men to participate in.

I have a minor in psychology and I truely understand this disorder. I agree with the other girl that said it is a lot of work because she is not lying! I have unconditional love for my boyfriend of 3 years, so I have been able to help him through. I would not recommend doing it unless you are trained or have a support group. I still don't know if we will last.

Just 2 days ago, a girl from his work place called at midnight and I answered the phone...I know her... and all I did was ask him to call her back to see what she wanted...he freaked and wrecked the closet. The next day when I wanted to talk about it again when I got off work at 5pm (he works nights)and he called her and she apologized. He started throwing things at me and I will end there. I just do not have the heart to put him on the street. Maybe jail first. so now he is kissing my $%#@ and doing all of these nice gestures...I am sick of it and looking for a solution.

If anyone needs advice just let me know.

I am really thankful for all these posts...I find a lot of things which I am going through for the past 2 years. My BF and me are for about 3 years now. In the first year it was absolutely like everything I ever wished for. A bit of a gamer and pothead, but tolerable. After a while I started to get bored around him as all these stupid online dungeons and whatever became so much more important to him annd being stoned goal No.1 for the day.
I sat him down and made clear that I don't want that kind of relationship as I am a very active and social person. Slowly but surely he quit smoking pot and after a while stopped playing games. He found himself riding mountain bike tracks and playing squash becoming heaps more active. But at the same time he lost the feeling of being secluded and safe from the rest of the world. As a result he showed more and more of his bipolar disorder. It comes in sort of phases, but it is frequently almost every week that we have very bad fights. I am not very patient and since recently I didn't understand his behaviour at all(still don't really). I told him to go and get help and tried to explain to him how it feels to me. The problem is that he is not aware of it at all.
The other week we had a really bad fight and I called him later at work to clarify things we couldn't finish cause he had to leave. It was much better to talk to him on the phone. He finally opened up a little and told me that he can see a lot of parallels to the relationship with his ex-gf. She apparently changed from being a total sunshine sweetheart to a 'psycho' as he termed it. And that he misses my good mood and happiness, that I would turn more and more to a miserable 'psycho '. Nice. He does steel my positive site and makes me very thoughtful and serious. I don't like that at all. Especially cause I am at a stage in my life where I am finally doing what I passionately love and feel like I can't give 100% cause I am the whole time so busy with our relationship. It is just not at ease, everything seems to be so difficult. I was in a long-term relationship a few years ago, for over 8 years. It seems that we were just to young when it started and for some reason we cheated on each other and didn't find us again. But that relationship was so good, so happy, so easy...I took that for granted as long as you find someone you love. I never imagined that love can be this hard. And I get so sad, because it wasn't that hard from the beginning. It feels like I !**@! a page open of his soul which gives him all the swings of moods. Before me he had them cornered and controlled with drugs and games. Did I do any good to him? Not sure where to start with him to get him on meds or bring him to therapy. I feel so lonely with this. He denies that he has got issues, it's all me, all my fault. But I am so happy how life changed for me in the past months, I don't think that it is me. At least I am starting to realize that he is always blaming every fight and argument on me, but I think it's not. It's horrible how much power he has over my mind and how much he can mess with my head. I just want to be happy and easy. Am I wasting my time? Lovely people out there, what can I do to make him realize that he needs help?!

I have been together with my boyfriend for six years. Obviously our relationship is nothing but amazing and great, but in the last two years or so, he has brought to my attention that he may think he is bipolar. After reading all of these posts on bipolar, I believe it is true. If i say one wrong thing that he doesn't like, he gets all mad and won't talk to me for the rest of the day/night. He says hateful and mean things to me like the rest of you have claimed. I told him that if he thinks he is bipolar to go see a doctor, but his excuse is " I am not telling somebody I don't know my problems and do not want to be put on meds ". He tells me that I need to help him out with his disorder by not saying "stupid" things, and making him angry. We can go months without fighting or arguing and be happy and okay, but if one thing comes up wrong that is said, its horrible for days sometimes even weeks. I am a person who worries a lot when I feel like i don't receive the attention I should, or i do receive the attention and the next week its not there. Im very concerned for our future and to even move out with him if its going to be like this. He has a lot of insecurities and trust issues, but blames for being that way when Im not. The only time i bring stuff up is when he accuses me. I am not sure what to do or how to get him to see a doctor. I want things to get better for us, and i feel if i just try to watch what i say it will stay ok, but i also am human and have my "bad days" where i want to be left alone. I hope somebody can help and reply to this, because it would be greatly appreciated..

Hey, Like eveyone esle has said, Im so happy im not alone in this. I honestly thought I was the only one going through what I was going through.. Now, my boyfriend is definitly not as worse as alot of your stories, for example he doesnt hit me, or call me names or anything like that. He mostly ignores me when he gets in his moods, and sometimes I think its because he knows he will rage on me and he doesnt want to do that, so he just ignores that fact that Im even there. Like a few of you had said, when we have our good days, they're really good, but when we have our bad days, they're really bad. He often punches walls and furniture when something bothers him, and if theres nothing around for him to punch, then he will often hit himself. The littlest and smallest things tick him off the most.
He says he loves me and all of that mushy stuf, and I do believe him. I just often forget when hes loosing his cool and yelling. I can always tell when he gets in one of those moods because he grinds his teeth and breathes extremley heavily. And unlike from what Ive read from all of you, he is better at keeping his cool a little bit better than alot of yours do. So for that I am thankful. Its just extremley hard when I do not know what to say or do when he becomes so angry it makes it almost impossible for him to function. PLEASE HELP!

really neeeed helpp!!
My boyfirend is a bipolar and we have been togather for the whole semester in our first year of university. Since I first meet him and start dating him. He is soooo nice. He pay all his attention to me and be very gentle. However, after the thanksgiving hoilday, when he was back school.Everything changed. He's mood is change from slightly drepression to manic. He is changing him medicine this week. After the holiday, he become to a totally different person. He become selfish and just pay attention to himself.He always say that he is tired or he is busy busy busy, when i ask him to hang out or ask him to be with me.
I can understand him. (His change) But i really want to know how to deal with him during this period of time. I really want to help him to go through this.
If i text him call him ask him to go out with me everyday, will it worse his illness will i bother him???

Wait online!!

Hi, firstly this forum has helped me a lot and made me realize that I am not isolated in this.
Basically my boyfriend has been acting really out of character recently. He's just been ignoring me and has distanced himself so so much. Last night I got a call from his friend Asking if i'd heard from him (i hadnt for
days...)as no one has seen him that day and he'd skipped lectures which is totally unlike him. His friend thought therewould just be a logical explanation, but I
knew there was somethhing more going on.... Went out
looking for him, after about an hour his housemate
called to says they'd managed to get into his room. He'd locked himself in there and had been passed out asleep. I was relieved but knew something was not right still. I went round to see him, but he barely reacted to me. I was pretty upset... He eventually told me that he thinks he may have bipolar... I tried to talk to him but I just couldn't get through... The best way I can describe it is that it wasn't him any ore, just a shell... He said that he's not been feeling right for months now but has just been hiding it and trying to cover it up.... Looking back I should of picked up on it sooner. He also said that it's been happening for quite a few years but he had never mentioned it to anyone before... I mentioned trying to get help but he just point blank refused. He said he would not talk to anyone. I tried telling him that it's not his fault and he can't deal with it on his own but he just won't listen... From doing some research I'm pretty sure he has bipolar2 . When I met him 8 months ago I think he was in the hyper mania stage.... He was so happy and active and we had an amazing amazing time together. At the moment he's barely even a shadow of the guy he was.... I really want to help him, I love him like crazy but he just completly shuts me out... I don't know if he was ignoring me because I was getting too close.... I really don't know what to do I'd think and I'm pretty emotionally exhausted right now.... Today all he has said to me is that he needs time to think, he doesn't know what he wants or where he wants to be.... I really don't know if he wants to see/hear from me? The last thing I want to do is make it any worse for him. I really don't know if I should go see him or not? Could this have a bad effect on him?
He's going home for Xmas in a few days and I won't see him for nearly a month... I really do not know what to do.... When I saw him yesterday he barely recognized me...
The best way I can describe it is that I have lost him... He's gone. It's a completely different person now.... I
want so much to find him again... Please please help!!!!

These posts have really helped me out in a big way. My boyfriend tells me that he was told that he COULD have Bipolar disorder but he hasn't really been diagnosed. He takes wellbutrin for his depression and i know that ppl take that medication for treating bipolar depression as well. And after reading these posts its almost as if i'm reading about my daily life. Its amazing how similiar and almost exact your stories sound like mine. I too am just learning to cope with understanding about bipolar disorder. I'm having a really hard time dealing with it because my boyfriend who on a good day is the most incredible man but on his bad days i almost wish i were dead. I cry so hard sometimes that i feel i need a hospital because i can't handle the things he says and does. And not only that but in return he expects me to be perfection and when i'm not all hell breaks loose. I just don't know how much more i can take. Every time we disagree its never because he's wrong its because i'm wrong. And if i try to be honest with him and tell him how he's acting towards me he turns my words around and puts them on me as if I'M the one acting that way. Then i hear the constant "well maybe you're the one with the problem" "maybe you're the one who needs medication because you're crazy". If i was to say half the horrible things he says to me to him he would have already broken up with me. I don't know what to do. On his good days, I look at him and fall more and more in love. on his bad days, I don't even know who he is and honestly i don't want to get to know who he is. I just want the man on those good days. The man i can envision my life growing old with. I cannot envision growing old with the "other" man. My hearts been ripped to the point of no return. It is no longer able to mend itself. Someone please help. I want to understand my man. I want to make his life easier especially since having this disorder was not his choice. I want to be there for my man and his daughter. But how can i do that when no matter what i do it doesn't work. Even when he tells me what to do and say when he gets in one of his "moods". Those suggestions don't work for nothing either. I AM AT A LOSS. I feel like i'm losing my mind and most importantly i feel like i'm losing a sense of myself. what do i do?

Hi, I really don't know what to do and need some help......
I gave my bf all the space he asked for over christmas. Was really supportive and did absoloutley everything I could of.... and I've just found out hes got a new girlfriend.... I'm devastated...... He hasn't even spoke to me! He promised me wed talk again in January but I haven't heard a word so I thought it would be best to give him the space he said he needed and wait for hi to come to me but now Im just.... so angry and upset and I just don't understand. I'm going to have to see him on Friday for a professional meeting and its going to be so hard.... I just cant believe what has happened!!!! I miss hi so much and have gone through so much for him and he wont even acknowledge me anymore. The only thing I can think of is that hes still in denial about his bipolar and is trying to cover it up...... PLEASE PLEASE HELP!!!!! I really need some advice....

I have a boyfriend with BPD. This is my first time dealing with a depression eppisode so its been really tough on me. He is in a job where they can not know about his disorder, so meds are out if the question. Thngs were going great for us, we were even talking about getting married. We don;t live close to eachother, but we would spend all day texting and iming and using webcams. Since his depression started, hes almost completely pushed me away saying making comments on how it wasn;t my fault, and he didn't know how to stop it, and that I would be better off without him. I knew he had BPD, it just didn't occur to me what was going on untl he sent me a link to a website to give me some tips. It actually made me feel better because up until then, I was taking it personally. I'm still scared that I'm going to lose him, but I have a better understanding now that this stage will be over with soon and he will be normal again, even if just for a little while. I really do love him and am going to stand by him. I told him that we were a team and that we would work thru this together and he just said he wanted to do it on his own. I also told him that I would give the space he needed and he said that there was a fine line because giving him too much space would make him lose interest. Any advice that you guys can give me with trying to help him out of this slump woud be greatly appreciated. Like I said before, I love him and don't wanna lose him. I'm going to stand by him for as long as I can and hopefully everything will work out for us.

i have been with this guy for more than 6 months he is great but when he gets in his moods he say the most hurtful things its like dealing with Dr. jackel and Mr. Hyde he can be the most sweest person you would nerver guess he could get that angry its frustrating me out i have a lot of other things to deal with but i want to help him cause im the only one hes got but idont know what to do cause its taking a lotg out of me i feel so depressed and sad when he gets like this anyone who can relate please feel free to comment back

Hi All,
This forum has helped me a lot to see that I am not the only one.
I have been with my guy for almost 3 years. He is bipolar type one and takes depakote(sp?). It is an emotional rollar coaster and sometimes I admit I want to get off of it. He'll be heartbreaking sweet to me and make me feel like a complete princess but if I say something that triggers something or his family treats him like crap (as they do usually once a day) I become his beacon of blame. He was picked on a lot in his younger years but women find him very attractive and compliment him a lot. I feel that he still deals with a lot of insecurity though. I am the longest relationship he's ever been in and he says that he loves me very much--I believe him(and feel the same) but unfortunately because I am so close to him I get the burden of a lot of his episodes and distress. It's really wearing me down. Whoever says that bipolar disorder is just for the person with the disorder is very wrong, it affects everyone involved with that person. There will be times when he will be convinced that I am lying to him about not answering the phone or something else when quite honestly either I didn't hear it or didn't want to talk. I made a mistake about 8 months ago-I ended up kissing a guy friend but he and I had buried it under the bridge. I have been perfectly loyal ever since then so I do not understand why he does not trust me. I am almost always there to talk to him when he wants to and I have done a lot of things for him that I don't feel he always appreciates. I love him dearly but his wishy washy attitude is starting to take it's toll. I hate feeling like I'm fighting to be my own person yet keep the piece. Anyone have any advice as to how to make him feel that he can trust me and that I am not his family or the people who put him down all those years? I want to say that deep down he knows this but because of his disorder I feel he is irrational oftentimes and doesn't know what to think or do.

I really do love him, thanks.

It looks like I am one of the few girlfriends who decided not to stand by my bf when the BPD became too much for me. I struggled with my decision, but ultimately I think I did the right thing for me. However, there are times when I feel unbelievably selfish for leaving him. When we first met, he was in a hypomanic stage, although I wasn't aware of it at the time. I thought that he was just a very positive, outgoing, energetic, impulsive, interesting person, and our relationship moved really quickly. He said he wanted to marry me and have kids, live happily ever after. He spent money recklessly and we went on trips. It made me nervous how easily he spent his money, but since we just got together, I didn't think it was my place to tell him how to manage his finances. Looking back on the situation, I recognize the symptoms of hypomania--sleeping very little, talking a mile a minute (so many ideas!), grandiose visions of himself and his future, reckless spending, excess energy, etc. Now, six months later, he is in the throes of depression. The few friends he had when we met have drifted away. He hides out constantly in his apartment, zoning out in front of the TV. It didn't matter how hard I tried to be cheery and lift the mood, it seemed like there was a cloud of depression settling over both of us. He would get this dead look in his eyes, and I would wonder where all the life in him had gone. He would be needy, and no matter how much love I showed to him, it wasn't enough. Because I know that he wants to get married and start a family(regardless of the hypomania or depression), I had to ask myself a question...is this life something I can commit to? Is this the life and the struggle that I choose? The answer was no. I feel terrible about "abandoning" him, but I kind of felt like I had to jump ship. I had no idea what I was getting myself into, and the more I've read on BPD, the more scared I became. He is now seeing a psychotherapist and considering meds. I hope that he finds ways to cope to have a successful relationship in the future. I also hope that I'm able to deal with my own feelings of guilt. What he needs now is support, and I know that--but when I met that wonderful, dynamic guy, I had no idea that so many of the qualities I loved about him would slowly disappear until he changed into a completely different person...someone who is closed, withdrawn, socially awkward, sad. Am I obligated to be there no matter what in a relationship of only 6 months?

I also am one of the few (apparently) who did not continue to be committed to a relationship with was clearing very very bad for my own health.

Please, don't feel you had to give up on yourself for him.

You would never be enough. You were never going to be able to give enough, care enough!

Read my story here if you want to know more.

Everyone has to make their own choices. He has made a choice to be un-medicated. Don't fool yourself...he has made that decision. If he is like my ex, he just loves the highs and won't give them up. OK.. it was his choice. Just like I had to choose... my own mental health, or descend into his madness. I picked me.

No one can ask you to give away your own life for someone who is messed up. Why should you feel guilty because you chose a normal life? Why should you feel guilty because he choose to NOT get on the meds that would keep him stable?

Move on. Know that you made the right choice for you.

To Katie33kate,

I didn't read your story yet. I am dealing with someone who chooses to be unmedicated. He won't admit to it. One day he's nice then the next he's nasty. He claims he has "anti-social tendancies" and will stay inside and hide. He NEVER goes out, doesn't drink, smoke do drugs. He has a child that he doesn't speak to at all. He told me the child's mom was nuts but I can see that it's him. I think he did something for her to want to go away and not have contact.

We dated for a few months and I moved back into my place. We began to argue over petty things like how could i buy ice cream instead of the blueberries he wanted? That's ridiculous. Now we still see each other but it seems like its just for sex. I feel used and frustrated because i do care about him but i can't be strung along like a puppet to satisfy him. I thought if i did that it would bring us closer together. I know it's wrong and it's tearing me apart. Right now he's mad at me because i told him how i feel and all he can say is...I'm not going to say anything?? I think this is BS. He just doesn't want to admit to being wrong.

I wanted to know that when you made your decision. What was the result? Did your ex give you a hard time? How did you deal with it? I find it difficult because he lives across the street from me so I am forced to see him at times....Please help!!!

8765309...

I get phone calls from him all the time. Some are threats (he is suing me), some are demanding, some are promises that things have/will change

I rode that rollercoaster for about a year. about 9 months after the blow-ups began.

I have told him in the past that he cannot continue to treat me like sh*t. I think that he didn't believe me because I kept coming back.... finally, I did reach the end...last Sept. (more than 5 months ago).

His last message to me (last week) was that he isn't the same man that I left in September.

You know that the truth is that he has lost the last woman he did this to, and it now hoping that I will come back for more.

Set your boundaries..and keep them! I am not saying to ignore him and don't talk with him....but.. make sure that you say what you need to say, not just what he wants to hear. If you decide to talk with him...tell him where your boundaries are and don't let him get away to trampling on you. Remember, he has refused medication..that isn't your fault!