Hi,

i am kind of in the same situation, the thing is the guy I am seeing has bipolar and he uses this as an excuse not to commit to me, im in the same sitiuation as you in the sense that when things are good they are good, he is lovely and pays me lots of attention but then when he goes into an episode I wont hear from him for days and then when I go to his house he is saying he is to tired beacuse of the amount of work he has on then I will try (for the hundreth time) to have the 'us' conversation, he just says because of his bipolar he is unable to make a descion..
I have found that researching bipolar in depth it has givin me the chance to talk him about it, site can give you advice on how to tackle talking to your partner and aslo the sites have givin me an insite as to how his mind is working and I found lots of useful things that have helped me in the sense that I can understand why he does and says the things he does which aee hurtful or out of the blue,
i would type bipolar into google or go to the library and do some reasearch it does help

My partner also lives with bipolar. And the hard days are really hard, I understand but I think you need to find out how long he has known he has bipolar because it would be a really hard thing to come to terms with when you realize your not always in control....And is he on his meds? You could ask to sit in on one of is counciling sessions... Incourage him to verbalise what he is feeling, keep an eye out for the signs of a episode so you are not caught unaware. It helped me to understand what he goes through and with understanding what he goes through I learnt to help him even if helping him is just sitting in the room with him so he knows your there and love him and are doing this with him. Alot of bipolar people can feel that they are unworthy, or something whcih is caca. I really thing talking to a phyc will help you help him.... Hope this helps

Bipolar one is more mania with fewer depression.
Bipolar two is more depression with hypomania(a milder form of mania)

just give it time, things will get better. If you truely love him you two can work though things. May a therapist together may help.

I love my fiance more than life itself,but I feel like the more I try to help the worse things get between us!!!He was diagnosed as bipolar at the age of 7! I just want to help ,but i'm not sure how!! :? I love everything about him,but I don't completely understand what bipolar is! I haven't since we've been together(1 1/2yrs)thought of leaving him once!Every time he is angry, even when it's focused directly at me,all I can think of is "how do I help without making him angrier" he means everything to me but sometimes i'm not sure he knows that! He often tells me"if you love me as much as you say than you wouldn't do the things I ask you not to!" he's threatened to leave me several times because I keep arguements going unintentionally ofcourse!!He says he loves me to much to put me through all of the stuff that goes along w/being his so!How do I make him see that I truely love him ,and that I beleive he is worth every second of difficulty!! If anyone can offer advice please help! I love him too much to lose him!!

he may of said he was going to leave you because at the time he may of been insercure and depressed. Geting anger and angier he may of been in a manic state. Make sure he keeps up with his doctors and therapist and takes his meds.. Bipolar disorder is the same thing as manic-depression. Bipolar is just the new name for it.


So bipolar disorder, also known as manic-depressive illness, is a brain disorder that causes unusual shifts in a person's mood, energy, and ability to function. It's a illness/ (brain/mental) disorder because it's different from the normal ups and downs that everyone goes through, the symptoms of bipolar disorder are severe. They can result in damaged relationships, poor job or school performance, and even suicide. But there is good news: bipolar disorder can be treated, and people with this illness can lead full and productive lives.Bipolar disorder causes dramatic mood swings—from overly "high" and/or irritable to sad and hopeless, and then back again, often with periods of normal mood in between. Severe changes in energy and behavior go along with these changes in mood. The periods of highs and lows are called episodes of mania and depression

signs and symptoms of mania (or a manic episode) include:
increased energy, activity, and restlessness
excessively "high," overly good, euphoric mood
extreme irritability
racing thoughts and talking very fast, jumping from one idea to another
distractibility, can't concentrate well
little sleep needed
unrealistic beliefs in one's abilities and powers
poor judgment
spending sprees
a lasting period of behavior that is different from usual
increased sexual drive
abuse of drugs, particularly cocaine, alcohol, and sleeping medications
provocative, intrusive, or aggressive behavior
denial that anything is wrong

how is a mania/manic diagnosed.

A manic episode is diagnosed if elevated mood occurs with three or more of the other symptoms most of the day, nearly every day, for 1 week or longer. If the mood is irritable, four additional symptoms must be present.



Signs and symptoms of depression (or a depressive episode) include:
lasting sad, anxious, or empty mood
feelings of hopelessness or pessimism
feelings of guilt, worthlessness, or helplessness
loss of interest or pleasure in activities once enjoyed, including sex
decreased energy, a feeling of fatigue or of being "slowed down"
difficulty concentrating, remembering, making decisions
restlessness or irritability
sleeping too much, or can't sleep
change in appetite and/or unintended weight loss or gain
chronic pain or other persistent bodily symptoms that are not caused by physical illness or injury
thoughts of death or suicide, or suicide attempts


a depressive episode is diagnosed if five or more of these symptoms last most of the day, nearly every day, for a period of 2 weeks or longer

sweetp.

Think of bipolar disorder aka manic-depression as a spectrum or continuous range. Like the north pole and south pool mania is the north pole,depression is the south pole. The equator(sp?) is leveled off, normalish not in depression or mania.At one end is severe depression, above which is moderate depression and then mild low mood, which many people call "the blues" when it is short-lived but is termed "dysthymia" when it is chronic. Then there is normal or balanced mood, above which comes hypomania (mild to moderate mania), and then severe mania.


A few words from bipolar people
descriptions offered by people with bipolar disorder give valuable insights into the various mood states associated with the illness:
depression: I doubt completely my ability to do anything well. It seems as though my mind has slowed down and burned out to the point of being virtually useless…. [i am] haunt[ed]… with the total, the desperate hopelessness of it all…. Others say, "it's only temporary, it will pass, you will get over it," but of course they haven't any idea of how I feel, although they are certain they do. If I can't feel, move, think or care, then what on earth is the point?


Hypomania: at first when i'm high, it's tremendous… ideas are fast… like shooting stars you follow until brighter ones appear…. All shyness disappears, the right words and gestures are suddenly there… uninteresting people, things become intensely interesting. Sensuality is pervasive, the desire to seduce and be seduced is irresistible. Your marrow is infused with unbelievable feelings of ease, power, well-being, omnipotence, euphoria… you can do anything… but, somewhere this changes.


Mania: the fast ideas become too fast and there are far too many… overwhelming confusion replaces clarity… you stop keeping up with it—memory goes. Infectious humor ceases to amuse. Your friends become frightened…. Everything is now against the grain… you are irritable, angry, frightened, uncontrollable, and trapped.


Suicide
some people with bipolar disorder become suicidal. Anyone who is thinking about committing suicide needs immediate attention, preferably from a mental health professional or a physician. Anyone who talks about suicide should be taken seriously. Risk for suicide appears to be higher earlier in the course of the illness. Therefore, recognizing bipolar disorder early and learning how best to manage it may decrease the risk of death by suicide.


Signs and symptoms that may accompany suicidal feelings include:

talking about feeling suicidal or wanting to die
feeling hopeless, that nothing will ever change or get better
feeling helpless, that nothing one does makes any difference
feeling like a burden to family and friends
abusing alcohol or drugs
putting affairs in order (e.G., organizing finances or giving away possessions to prepare for one's death)
writing a suicide note
putting oneself in harm's way, or in situations where there is a danger of being killed
if you are feeling suicidal or know someone who is:
call a doctor, emergency room, or 911 right away to get immediate help
make sure you, or the suicidal person, are not left alone
make sure that access is prevented to large amounts of medication, weapons, or other items that could be used for self-harm
while some suicide attempts are carefully planned over time, others are impulsive acts that have not been well thought out; thus, the final point in the box above may be a valuable long-term strategy for people with bipolar disorder. Either way, it is important to understand that suicidal feelings and actions are symptoms of an illness that can be treated. With proper treatment, suicidal feelings can be overcome.
Help can be found at:

university—or medical school—affiliated programs
hospital departments of psychiatry
private psychiatric offices and clinics
health maintenance organizations (hmos)
offices of family physicians, internists, and pediatricians
public community mental health centers
people with bipolar disorder may need help to get help.

Often people with bipolar disorder do not realize how impaired they are, or they blame their problems on some cause other than mental illness.
A person with bipolar disorder may need strong encouragement from family and friends to seek treatment. Family physicians can play an important role in providing referral to a mental health professional.
Sometimes a family member or friend may need to take the person with bipolar disorder for proper mental health evaluation and treatment.
A person who is in the midst of a severe episode may need to be hospitalized for his or her own protection and for much-needed treatment. There may be times when the person must be hospitalized against his or her wishes.
Ongoing encouragement and support are needed after a person obtains treatment, because it may take a while to find the best treatment plan for each individual.
In some cases, individuals with bipolar disorder may agree, when the disorder is under good control, to a preferred course of action in the event of a future manic or depressive relapse.
Like other serious illnesses, bipolar disorder is also hard on spouses, family members, friends, and employers.
Family members of someone with bipolar disorder often have to cope with the person's serious behavioral problems, such as wild spending sprees during mania or extreme withdrawal from others during depression, and the lasting consequences of these behaviors.
Many people with bipolar disorder benefit from joining support groups such as those sponsored by the national depressive and manic depressive association (ndmda), the national alliance for the mentally ill (nami), and the national mental health association (nmha). Families and friends can also benefit from support groups offered by these organizations

i'm bipolar and take depakote. Any more questions just ask.

Some books that I have found useful and have helped me are

detour my bipolar raod trip in 4-d by lizzie simon
a brilliant madness living with manic-depressive illness by patty duke
an unquiet mind a memoir of moods and madness by kay fedfield jamison
touch with fire manic-depressive illness and the artistic temperament by kay redfield jamison
the bipolar disorder survival guide by david j miklowitz
bipolar disorder demystified mastering the tightrope of manic depression by lana r castle

I can relate to your 'torn' feelings and nice to know someone else is in the same situation. I have days when I feel 100% positive I want to be with him then things get too much and I wonder if I am strong enough to deal with it. He is very gentle, sweet, intelligent, sensitive and handsome (everything I want). I was wanting us to attend a support group and am working on getting that arranged. I am learning as much as I can about the illness and also want to attend one of his sessions with him. Let me know if you come up with any other tips ....

do a search for nami or dbsa. There some of the best groups.
I always enjoy going to my dbsa groups. Make sure he see his doctor regularly, and keeps track of his moods and what he eats. Any more questions just ask.

I can relate to you so much. It is nice to know i am not alone out there. I feel like i need to vent. Mine just got off meds 2wks ago. And the past 3 days have been hell. No matter what i say he gets mad and its my fault and I am not being nice. It is becoming to stressful for me. I love him dearly but at what point do i walk away for my own self preservation. i want normal again and i know i cant have that with him. Do i sound selfish? I try so had but i feel like i am at my witts end. I can't do anything right in his eyes lately. Hes controlling and manipulative and acts like he is in love with himself but loves to insult me. Are these all bipolar signs??

Hey!
I am in love with my boyfriend and we've been together for four months. He knows that he isn't doing well and needs help, but he doesn't want to take any medications. So I need help finding the alternative solutions...
I know nutrition is key and lots of sleep and routine, so I'm working on that.
Anything else? Certain supplements? Accupuncture? homeopathy?

ALSO - I am new to dealign with this, and dont' know what to say or not say. What makes it worse or better. I spend hours getting him out of bed to be productive because he feels better when he's being productive.
Sometimes I think I'm making it worse, other times better.
Any tips on what to say or what not to say?

thanks!

hi i cant give you any tips, because iam dealing with the same situation, an yes my better half is also better when his mind is active, has your boyfriend been diagnoised with bipolar?

I don't know if he's been properly diagnosed. He called someone this week and explained what's going on - a psychiatrist - and they said "oh well, it sounds like you're bipolar" and I know he's been on some meds before which made him feel numb.

Based on everything I've read online and talking to people, he seems like a classis case to me.

This has to be what my boyfriend has. I am soooo distraught, tired. I love him so very much as all of you have listed and all I want to do is help him. I have been dating him for 2 years, living with him for a year. I didn't know that he may have an illness, at first, and so I thought it was something I was doing. Sadly, I have a BA in Psych., but never really dealt first hand with this disorder. Approx. 8 months into the relationship, I noticed that we began to have arguments basically about my imperfections, what I do to him, things I do that are stupid, how terrible I am, and no on had ever told me that I was this bad. I began to ask my friends if I had some sort of issues that they never told me about and they said no, but it sounds like he does. I noticed that these arguments would go on for a couple days and then for two weeks we would either be absolutely in love, happy or just okay...even stephen....and then.....down again...fighting. It has become an emotional roller coaster for me and I feel doomed. He is very intelligent and good at switching arguments around to make you feel as though you are the person in the wrong. Manipulative. I am not sure how I can tell him that I think he has this Disorder, I do not think he will believe me and get help. Anyone have any suggestions. I cry every two weeks now and my heart can't take much more....I am an attractive, intelligent, worthwhile young lady and sometimes I think I am wasting my time....time that could be spent finding someone who I can smile and laugh with. I don't want to leave......I have left once and came back.....because as many others have said...I LOVE HIM> Another thing I have noticed is that he has a few female friends that he speaks with privately...I suppose this boosts his ego...he hasn't cheated and I know he loves me....he has never had a girlfriend this long and the girls that he is secretly talking with...by text...are no comparison to me....but he continues to talk with them and I just don't get why....when he has me...they are not just friends..I know they like him....I have seen some of the texts...but he never meets them we live and work together....so I would know and he admits that some of them like him but says they are his friends........Also he has gained a ton of weight and doesn't seem to interested in sex..other than with himself........what should I do.....I almost feel that I am depressed now...I feel like a dog that has been beaten...I just feel so low now.......because he has said some really hurtful things to me...and while most would leave....I knew he didn't mean it...

For Instance: The past 2 weeks have been great...we laugh..wrestle...watch tv....sing..together....kiss.....(No sex)...but affectionate...Then this morning I forgot to put his shorts in the dryer and I knew he would be upset, so I ran down and put them in.....When he woke up, he asked if I had put his shorts in the dryer the night before and I said yes, but they didn't dry completely and I had to restart them, which was a Lie but I find that I have to tell these white lies a lot around him in order to avoid a Huge Argument......so he then remembered that he hadn't heard the dryer the night before....so he caught me in my lie and for the rest of the day...wouldn't talk to me....was rude....yelled at me about everything under the sun.....avoided me....etc...I realize lying doesn't help...but I feel like I am walking on eggshells with him....okay...so any suggestions to my dilemna

Hey, to all you girls out there i know what you are going through and i honestly thought i was all alone. My boyfriend is bipolar and he takes medication for it, but he drinks with the medication all the time. Last night he was drunk and tried to hit me and almost run me over with his car. It isn't funny because i really did like him but i feel like i cant be in the relationship anymore. He refuses to see a therapist so what can i do? When things are good they are real good, but when things are bad they are real bad. I want to break up with him so bad but i cant find the strength please help!

Hi everyone. As a bunch of you said, I'm too so thankful for this site right now. I just read through all of these replys and it made me more nervous than I already am from when my new boyfriend told me he was diagnosed 2 years ago with being bipolar. I've been dating him for only 2 months and it feels like that cheesey love at first sight, going to be together forever, having so much fun thing...but last night he told me that he has to take lithium each night just to be safe (since nothing has thankfully happened since the first episode he had). He said he didn't want to have to hide this from me if I saw him taking pills, not to be freaked out. He also told me what to be aware of if something should happen to him. I've been so excited about this wonderful new guy and now what do i do? I don't want to leave him, but after reading all of the stories you each have...why do I want to head in this direction. I mean if he gets to crazy I would bail, but I'm taking a risk just even continuing this great relationship. I'm afraid he's going to hurt me or something frightening...be one of those Dateline stories. HELP please.

My boyfriend and I have been together about a year and a half. We've lived together for about 8 months now. When he is in his normal state he is an amazing man. He's funny and motivated. We are completely content sitting on the couch watching the news together. A little background for you guys, he was engaged once, it was a 3 week engagement. The relationship (from what his famliy has told me) was horrible. They were miserable, but they were all each other knew. Started dating about age 16? His ex stepfather used to abuse him, his mom kicked him out with nowhere to go, and his ex's father took him in. From what I understand, the gf's father got a new job and they skipped town. Well my bf did not want to leave his life and family, not to mention his great job, so in an effort to keep the girl from leaving he proposed. I know, all the wrong reasons.

That brings us to my problem. We started dating about 18 months AFTER she left him. Things were AMAZING for the first few months. Then I noticed he started to push me away, though he admits that he was just afraid to get hurt again. Now, a year and a half in to our relationship, after much research and a lot of tears, I've started tracking his episodes. It seems like every 3-4 months he goes through about 2-3 days where he treats me like crap. He never actually breaks the relationship off, but he says things like he's moving and I'm not coming with. Or my favorite is when he tells me he's been talking to his ex.... which I know for a hard fact is not the case. It just seems like when he gets these mood changes he only targets me. He cuts me down, pushes me away and really says hurtful things. I've learned that I cannot cry, I cannot argue with him... but I've also noticed that when I ask him if he wants me to move out, or if this is it, we're over... he never answers. Also, he will only text message me during these times. He does go through depressive stages too. He does not want to go to dinner with friends, he closes all of the blinds and just sleeps on the couch for 8 hours, wakes up for an hour then goes to bed.

He recently started taking Lamictal, for Bipolar 1. I'm not sure if you are familiar with the drug but his prescription increases after 2 weeks. the day after it increased he started his moods again. I live with the man and we often talk about getting married, but when this starts he claims we want different things and that we're not right for one another and that he misses his ex and such.... I guess my question for anyone who can answer me is this... Is the way he acts towards me, pushing me away, but never actually saying move out, its over a normal symptom? It's a very hard disorder to understand, and even harder to live with... but the rollercoaster of emotions is killing me. If there are any bipolar men reading this and can give me some insight to how the disorder effects their relations, or even if women can offer their opinions or experiences I would greatly appreciate it.

Until them, I'm helpless and hurting.

I'm not sure if this will help. My husband has bipolar disorder. He was diagnosed a few years ago. I always wondered why he acted the way he did. He would go off the deep end at the strangest things, so then I kind of got use to it. I didn't realize the effect it would have on me or my children in the long run. I have been married to him for 13 years. We seperated almost three years ago, because I was so depressed I just wanted to lay down and go to sleep and not wake up. It was that bad. He was using Methamphetamine and staying gone all the time and some how he made it my fault. Today I am overwhelmed. A few days ago I had to say goodbye for the final time. Yes he tells me he loves me, but he acts like he hates me. In the past I have been accused of screwing guys left and right. In the beginning of our relationship I did a bad thing, but back then I had my own issues and used drugs and alcohol. I have been clean for almost 13 years. I am not the same woman I use to be. He will not let the past go though, so his fits or whatever they are called just got worse over the years. He stuck a gun in my face and choked me until I was unconscious. He has had many affairs with other women and made me think that it was all my fault. He has called me every name in the book and embarrassed me in front of people. But I love him very much and miss him terribly, but he already has another woman in our home. I guess what I am trying to say is, not everyone is like my husband, but if I had known what I do now. I wouldn't have stayed, because a BP person can do no wrong in their minds. They blame you and everyone else, but not themselves.
It's funny, my heart has hurt for so long and he could care less really. It's all about him and what he wants. He refused to take medication. He says it is for weak people. I wish he would have given us that choice. So staying is up to you, but you have to ask yourself is my sanity worth it, because I stayed for 13 years and thought I could make things better, but here I am today wondering how I got to this place and why is it that no matter what I tried to do to make it better didn't work. The manipulation he did on my mind has left a scar not only in my heart, but my mental state is not that great either......but it will be. Goodluck to you sweetie.

i like so many others have said...have gone thru very similar situations...the manipulations and the foul things said against me by him...and the he can't do anything wrong and it always being turned around on me stuff...its not easy to deal with...and anytime that i have a problem with something it still is turned around on me...sux...its all part of bipolar...if you love them...and you want to support them then do it...but...they must help themselves...and if they won't then you must leave...and you may need counseling for yourself to help deal with the hurtful actions/words...but setting up some ground rules for the relationship is a must...as in if he does this or that...say cheats or hits...then you will no longer stay by his side...because you have to care for yourself too...if you don't take care of yourself how can you support anyone else...there are a few ground rules that i am about to address with my bf...wish me luck as i know it's going to be a hell of a ride

HeartHaven I thought that my husband and I might have a chance, but not only can I not get use to the name callling, or the hitting...I just don't trust him anymore. I do love him and care for him. But he just is out of control. It's kind of ironic. He has had unprotected sex with numorous women and thought nothing of it. He sees a guy talking to me and I'm having sex with them....smh...people with BPD are so unprodictable. Goodluck to you, you'll be in my prayers

Hi everyone. As a bunch of you said, I'm too so thankful for this site right now. I just read through all of these replys and it made me more nervous than I already am from when my new boyfriend told me he was diagnosed 2 years ago with being bipolar. I've been dating him for only 2 months and it feels like that cheesey love at first sight, going to be together forever, having so much fun thing...but last night he told me that he has to take lithium each night just to be safe (since nothing has thankfully happened since the first episode he had). He said he didn't want to have to hide this from me if I saw him taking pills, not to be freaked out. He also told me what to be aware of if something should happen to him. I've been so excited about this wonderful new guy and now what do i do? I don't want to leave him, but after reading all of the stories you each have...why do I want to head in this direction. I mean if he gets to crazy I would bail, but I'm taking a risk just even continuing this great relationship. I'm afraid he's going to hurt me or something frightening...be one of those Dateline stories. HELP please.