Medical Questions > Relationships > Broken Hearted Forum

Never Had a Girlfriend (Page 1)

Hey...I didn't know where to post this problem, so I figured broken hearted was the best place to do it, this is because my heart has never been put together enough to even been broken.

I am 20 years old and I have never had any kind of girlfriend. The only type of girlfriend I have had was when I was 12/13 years old and it lasted maybe a month.

I am currently in college and my school has almost no social scene that meeting any girls is just about impossible, especially with over 70% male student body. Also, I went to all boy's school for hs, which made meeting girls impossible at that time as well.

I feel like I missed out on an important part of my life sexually and emotionally. I feel like there is more time that I am missing out on but I just do not know how to fix the problem.

About a year ago I started to talk to a girl I knew from when I was 12, and who used to have a huge crush on me when we were kids. The talked was very innocent at first, and she has a boyfriend, but eventually it became flirting and I could tell she was attracted to me, but that boyfriend barrier still existed, and over time apart when I went back to school our converstaions were limited to talking on the internet with a distance barried of 450 miles between us....Soon when I would talk to her I would notice she was distant, and I understood because I knew the reason -- she was reestablishing a broken relationship with her boyfriend and their relationship was on the right track again.

Since then, about 4 months since we were very flirty, I was so desperate I scoured the internet for someone to talk to and met a girl from maryland who I connected with. After about a month, because of distance again, she was taken.

I guess my real problem is I don't know how to fix this problem. It seems like this comes so easy to other people, to find someone to start going out with, or at least get intimate with. I have never had that, and my fear is that I never will. I don't know what to do with myself....I can't even go out and drink anymore because when I come home alone, all the alcohol lets me think about is how lonely I really am...

Any suggestions on how to fix this problem?
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First Helper Bluman
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replied December 20th, 2004
Go to a party
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replied December 22nd, 2004
I have gone to parties....I gave up on that when all the parties at my school had 3 girls and about 20 guys. The only time I really have to meet women is at home, and im only home 4 weeks out of the year aside from summer....Not real good time to brew up a relationship
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replied December 22nd, 2004
Find a new job, a new scene, if all else fails talk to random people, it may be scary but, you never know they might just find you interesting, and who doesnt find a person intersting if they come out of the blue and talk to someone, and being on a college campus with no scoial scene is tough I am also in one.
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replied December 31st, 2004
Experienced User
I know somewhat how you feel. I have only really had one boyfriend. Trust me you aren't missing much. You just need to take more chances. Find a girl you think is cute in one of your classes and talk to her. Maybe you 2 will hit it off. Go out to clubs there are plenty of people there. I have a question though. I need a guy's point of view. Why do guys flirt and get close and let the girl think that they are going to be more than friends but it never happens?? You don't have to answer that. I was just wondering because I am sick of being single and sick of being just the friend they hang out with.



Meghan
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replied January 25th, 2005
Well Join the Club :(
Hell im 23 and ive never had gf; ive had my heart broken several times before even getting anywhere with a woman. Ive been rejected more than 500 times by women and there was a time I could just shrug it off and the bad emotions would pass through me; how wrong I was. It all builds up inside and starts to hurt more and more. Everyone you know has been out with several people at least. Even the big fat, geeky mates of yours.


What is so funny is im not fat, good looking (every1 says I am) and admired by everyone around me; for my good nature and kindness and good attitude. Girls just arent interesting in me for some reason or something I dont know. I dont even go for the really good looking ones; just average ones I find attractive in my own way. I try frequently in pubs/nightclubs and women I have worked with, met while out and about, etc...

Maybe its pure bad luck or something I dont know; but I have come close so many times. Ive been given like 30 fake phone numbers; and even spent entire nights talking to some girls. Yet they quickly try to get away from me when they get the chance.



Fortunately im not a depressed person and I enjoy doing things and often have bouts of good mood and get extremely happy and excited at times. If it wasnt for this girlfriend dilemna I would be twice as happy; just to know ive had someoen just once!! Its just I feel so unloved and unappreciated by women its unbearable. There have been four girls I have fancied so much that I still bear the pain years later because they rejected me time and time again.

Its not like I sit in front of my computer all day everyday and dont go out or nothing; im constantly out and about where opportunities should arise but they dont. Whats so annoying is ive now become 'desperate' which is a bad thing indeed. And its all I think about all the time every day now; when it used to once be something I could stop thinking about often. Ive cried myself to sleep many a lonely a night; trying to figure out where im going wrong.



What scares me the most is I will be 24 by may and it may take a lot more time to get my first ever gf; and my heart will be cold and withered. I have my emotional health to worry about and im becoming more and more unstable.



As for sex pff.... My sex drive just makes things worse I have never got any in my life; all I hear my friends talk about is sex this sex that; even my female friends.


So I really hope you find a girlfriend mate I reallly do or you may well feel as bad as I do when your 23 and two thirds; I really dont understand girls either mate and why they reject nice guys all the time.

Dont u think a good looking 23 year old male whos not fat shoulda got some by now??? Geeze... Must be bad luck.
Always the guy who treats them mean and has no feelings that wins all teh girls I want.
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replied March 27th, 2012
Thats a lott of info, I can tell im just like you on so many levels. But im 19 and I have never had a girlfriend either.. Unfortunately it seems like im not attractive. So I kinda know girls dont want me... however, the funy thing is that Ive had girls like me before. Girls that are far more attractive than me! but they always were with some other guy. Sadly I have only had sex once... Well actually I guess I had a gf, but not a pretty one,llol... Her name was Amanda, and she actually lives around the corner, beside that point I can barely even look at girls without getting nervous... My natrual reation is to act like I dont find myself atracted to them... so that i can lie to myself and say "I didnt like her anyway" I seem to be doin that alot, is there hope...
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replied January 28th, 2005
Don't Dwell On It
If you missed an opportunous time in your life with regards to sexual and emotional discoveries, that does not necessarily make you worse of. Remember you were not only saved the positive experiences, but the negative. You had the opportunity to absorb the positive and the negative from the safe distance of observer status - you could see what makes relationships work and what doesn't, how people deal with the consequences and whatnots. You're probably a better person for that and would be more likely to have a meaningful relationship than those you observe who have had a dozen - the reason they've had a dozen is because at least 11 were bad ideas.

Don't dwell on it - it doesn't mean much. It doesn't mean you'll never have a relationship, nor does it mean you're incompetent (you may be, I don't know, just giving an analysis). I'm sure if you feel you're incompetent in any regard, you'll have or will be working to correct it. So the rest is just a matter of time and perspective. Desperate people end up in desperate situations - it is created by the way they pursue a goal - rapidly and relentlessly such that they never take the time to sit and watch themselves.

Enjoy life - do the things that make you happy. Don't force things because you think you ought to do something or be somewhere. Perhaps the reason you've never had a girlfriend is that although you're interested, you just haven't been interested enough to make sufficient concessions for it to happen. No point chasing something if you don't want it quite enough - if you see what I mean, you just end up having to work even harder to get out of it. Have fun.
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Users who thank rIcHrD for this post: machinegun 

replied March 17th, 2005
I am so glad i'm not the only guy like you guys. Its sort of comforting to know that there are others who share the same unfortunate circumstances as myself. I am 23, never had a girlfriend and have been rejeceted so many times. I am apparently really good looking and have a really good personality (or so i've been told) - I think the problem is that i'm too nice and polite. But in my eyes that seems ok to me. Maybe i'm wrong though? But hey! I'll try and keep my head up and not let it bother me. People have told me that it shouldn't bother me as there's more to life. But it would be nice to feel loved and not feel lonely - just too feel it would be nice. Maybe it'll happen one day - who knows? Like you all the same thoughts go through my head and i've cried on occasions too. It doesn't seem fair. Especially when you think there's nothing really wrong with you. It's bound to make you thinkthough isn't it as I think i'm missing out on an important part of life. Anyways, good luck everyone.:)
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replied March 17th, 2005
Glad It's Not Just Me
It's not easy for everyone. I'm in my early 20s with no sexual or relationship experience. I've never even been kissed. For me i've always been self-conscious because of my weight.

Don't let movies fool you. There's nothing abnormal about not having a relationship until your twenties. Hollywood would have us believe we should all be sex experts and completely jaded by age 13.

Look at it this way, those of us still inexperienced still have the fun ahead of us of new love and the thrill of the unfamiliar. Sounds like you focussed on school and that's going to do you a lot more good in the long run.
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Users who thank 20writer for this post: machinegun 

replied March 17th, 2005
Experienced User
Well put. Oh my gosh- you people are only in your 20's- you don't need to be having sex all the time and finding the love of your life yet. It will come. I was 18 when I met my man. I was 22 when I got married. Now I wish I had waited. So many things change with time, now i'm in my 30's thinking what the heck was I thinking back then. Geez you will live for many many many many more years. You have plenty of time to figure out what and who you want to be and be with. Don't let it bother you.
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replied March 29th, 2005
There is nothing wrong with you. I waited till I was 24 before loosing my virginity and dated for real. It just took me a while to find a man I was wanting to date. You are still young and being 20 and not having a date ia more common than you think. I started dating when I was 24 and had a good dating life since then. It will all fall into place naturally.
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replied April 13th, 2005
Well I worry about never having had a girlfriend as i'm 29 in september. All my friends around me (both male and female) just find a girlfriend/boyfriend whenever they want to. Maybe the trouble is i'm too nice. I've been told i'm reasonably good looking, have a fun personality and sense of humour and have plenty of friends but there's something I just don't get about why i've been single all this time. Problem is I get more and more desperate as I near my 30's to at least get a girlfriend.

I'm near breaking point with frustration - shall I just become an arrogant bloke who doesn't treat girls well cos it seems most of them go for that over and over again - I see it all the time.

Maybe i'll just go and live in another country away from my 'attached' friends who keep going on about how 'i'll find someone when I least expect it'. Rubbish - it would have happened by now.

Believe me in your early 20's you've nothing to worry about - it's me that it doomed to be single forever! I don't care about finding someone to spend my life with anymore - i'm destined not to find a girlfriend or it would have happened already - at least a short term relationship of some description would have been nice.

I'm seriously thinking about travelling for at least a year and then moving countries - maybe i'll find some women who'll treat me with some degree of respect and not as a permanent doormat or rattle on about their relationship problems with their jerk boyfriend yet never go out with someone who'd treat with respect. No men like that are too boring and not enough of a challenge.

I don't understand any of this dating mind games that goes on and never will.
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replied April 23rd, 2005
Wow
Not only me,but also many people esle have the problem.I have never had a girlfriend.And it seems that girls are not attracted by me. A girl that I really love told me that I am a good person,but she would never treat me as his boyfriend(just bcuz she has bf?Or she is just no interested in me?)

i reckon that I won't have any girlfriend in the coming years...I don't expect anymore... Just give it up.

Maybe I should lose weight first,i am 6 feet but 198 pounds already.
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replied May 19th, 2005
Phreaknite, no matter what your choice is, make sure you will still be focused on school, dont lose your concentration on trying to find a girl. Just kick back and relax, somebody will come for you. And remember, there are plenty fish in the sea.
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replied May 19th, 2005
Science of Attraction
I will tell you all a secret. It's all a freakin' science. Attraction is a science. Body language is a science. Every single part of attraction. This is why I say this. A while back maxim put a book out with a subscription abut how to read womens body language. I laughed a bit and tossed it aside. Later I started watching some specials on discovery about attraction, body language ect. I then began to really study it. It's really not to much to learn and you can just cruise a room and know if a girl is intersted in you or not in seconds. This is not an exaggeration. I am don't pulling anyones chain. It's the same thing everytime. Same movements same patterns. You almost feel like you are reading peoples minds. It can back fire on you when you notice your new girl giving signels to someone else. It's a double edged sword. I do urge you all to look it up though. As for meeting girls. I live in houston. This sounds silly but I have meet three girls in wal mart in the last two months. Everyone goes to wal mart. It may all sound stupid to you and you may think im full of bs but I promise im not. You have nothing to lose. I never had luck with girls till I researched it all. Does kinda take away the mystery though it's worth the trade in my opinion. Anyone can argue it but it's all proven fact. So go now. Read up on the science of attraction. One thing though, you have to drop the shy routine and raise your chin and show some confidence. The shy act only works in the movies. Never worked for me anyways.
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replied July 7th, 2005
Im 23 And Never Had a G/f
The most I ever had was this girl I met online she would hang out with me once every few weeks or few months I hung aroudn her 5 times but its somewhat of an insult as well she treated me like crap sometimes ignoring me for months thenn being like hey whats up I missed u and the reason she woudl get mad is cause I woudl say shes a liar when she woudl give me lame reasons why she cant hang out she treated me like craplast year I got so desperate I wrote a grls friend an email that ig rew up with cause her firned use dot like me and then I moved away and she forgot about me so in response to my email they kind of made a joke out of me pretneidng liek she odenst know who I am I lived down the block from her for 19 years she knows who I am anyway I was crying a few days ago as well I asked this girl out she made some excuse up about why she cnat hang out ive been coutning so far ive asked out 10 girls in a row and they've all said no to me I meet girls online cause I cant take it being rjecte din perosn it hurts so much to be honest I had sex when I was 22 it wasnt that great especialyl considering she ignored me after and just used me and when I went under another screename and pretneded im soembody else she goes he was a real loser I feel bad for him, thats nice the first girl I ahd sex iwth used me and thinkis im a joke I know how a lot of u feel im a goodlooking guy I mean I attract girls but as soon as they talk to me its all over I know what the problem is im just a loser in my opinion I mean im goodloking with a nice body but these girlsa accoridng to them if ur not a good talker ur ac ompletele loser thats why they wont give me a chance or some of u guys it hink they just feel well he is not very good at talking and will problabmy embarass me infront of people I know so ic ant hang out with him evnethough I find him attractive yea I was reaidn gthat emal from one of the guys abotu the fat guys even having g/fs yea its true I mean I work out and I cant even get a g/f and these guys that dont care how they look at all sitll manage to get girls easier than me whats upw ti this cant somebody just go out with me cause I try really hard to treat them nice its always some excuse nobody loves me sometimes if elel ike nobody eve rwill I was thining about suciide for 3 days after that last girl turned me down its so painful its just like where u walk aorund u see guys iwth girls and ur always the guy alone with no girl holding u or laughing with u I have no friends and no matter how hard I try or dont try to get a girl to go out with me it never works can u imagine asking out ag irl u grew up with that uve wanted to ask out for 8 years basically ignore ur email not care at all and last year a girl that I liekd for 2 years didint call me when I gave her my phone numebr now thats some painful stuff dwelling over these ladies for years in ur head eveyr single week then ur like ok I was thining about this girl every day for over 2 years and now she rejected me its like u take that long to ask somebody out how hard it was for me then I get turned down how can u be happy when u want someobdy to be with u so bad then uf ianlyl force urself 2 years down the line or in my other case 8 years down the line and they dont want u life is hard its unfair but u guys shoudl just do what I do just keep trying ot talk to girls I know how it feels I try to talk to women half the time they give me that tone of voice that sounds like why u talking to me loser but hey if u try hard enough hopefully somebody will love u back im 23 years old I still remmeber being 9 years old laying on my bed dreaming of the day that ill get a g/f now im a grown man and it sitll hasnt hapepend I never would of imagined being in a situation like this its so hard being alone its the worst pain ever and id ont liek when peoel say oh its no big deal having a relationship ur not msisng anythign if they felt that way and it was true they woudlnt kepe gettingi nto relationships what matters if somebody dumps u after a yhear at least it proves ur lovable on some degree if any girls would ike to chat I have pics on my prifle , im a nice guy just give me a chance
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replied July 7th, 2005
Experienced User
Re: Im 23 And Never Had a G/f
mnmice115 wrote:
the most I ever had was this girl I met online she would hang out with me once every few weeks or few months I hung aroudn her 5 times but its somewhat of an insult as well she treated me like crap sometimes ignoring me for months thenn being like hey whats up I missed u and the reason she woudl get mad is cause I woudl say shes a liar when she woudl give me lame reasons why she cant hang out she treated me like craplast year I got so desperate I wrote a grls friend an email that ig rew up with cause her firned use dot like me and then I moved away and she forgot about me so in response to my email they kind of made a joke out of me pretneidng liek she odenst know who I am I lived down the block from her for 19 years she knows who I am anyway I was crying a few days ago as well I asked this girl out she made some excuse up about why she cnat hang out ive been coutning so far ive asked out 10 girls in a row and they've all said no to me I meet girls online cause I cant take it being rjecte din perosn it hurts so much to be honest I had sex when I was 22 it wasnt that great especialyl considering she ignored me after and just used me and when I went under another screename and pretneded im soembody else she goes he was a real loser I feel bad for him, thats nice the first girl I ahd sex iwth used me and thinkis im a joke I know how a lot of u feel im a goodlooking guy I mean I attract girls but as soon as they talk to me its all over I know what the problem is im just a loser in my opinion I mean im goodloking with a nice body but these girlsa accoridng to them if ur not a good talker ur ac ompletele loser thats why they wont give me a chance or some of u guys it hink they just feel well he is not very good at talking and will problabmy embarass me infront of people I know so ic ant hang out with him evnethough I find him attractive yea I was reaidn gthat emal from one of the guys abotu the fat guys even having g/fs yea its true I mean I work out and I cant even get a g/f and these guys that dont care how they look at all sitll manage to get girls easier than me whats upw ti this cant somebody just go out with me cause I try really hard to treat them nice its always some excuse nobody loves me sometimes if elel ike nobody eve rwill I was thining about suciide for 3 days after that last girl turned me down its so painful its just like where u walk aorund u see guys iwth girls and ur always the guy alone with no girl holding u or laughing with u I have no friends and no matter how hard I try or dont try to get a girl to go out with me it never works can u imagine asking out ag irl u grew up with that uve wanted to ask out for 8 years basically ignore ur email not care at all and last year a girl that I liekd for 2 years didint call me when I gave her my phone numebr now thats some painful stuff dwelling over these ladies for years in ur head eveyr single week then ur like ok I was thining about this girl every day for over 2 years and now she rejected me its like u take that long to ask somebody out how hard it was for me then I get turned down how can u be happy when u want someobdy to be with u so bad then uf ianlyl force urself 2 years down the line or in my other case 8 years down the line and they dont want u life is hard its unfair but u guys shoudl just do what I do just keep trying ot talk to girls I know how it feels I try to talk to women half the time they give me that tone of voice that sounds like why u talking to me loser but hey if u try hard enough hopefully somebody will love u back im 23 years old I still remmeber being 9 years old laying on my bed dreaming of the day that ill get a g/f now im a grown man and it sitll hasnt hapepend I never would of imagined being in a situation like this its so hard being alone its the worst pain ever and id ont liek when peoel say oh its no big deal having a relationship ur not msisng anythign if they felt that way and it was true they woudlnt kepe gettingi nto relationships what matters if somebody dumps u after a yhear at least it proves ur lovable on some degree if any girls would ike to chat I have pics on my prifle. im a nice guy just give me a chance


sux 2 b u
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replied July 7th, 2005
Experienced User
Re: Cpl-jj
I can spell fine, but I wish I could say the same about you skar. Go get a real husband instead of acting like you have one so you can feel important and loved.
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replied July 7th, 2005
Experienced User
skar wrote:
hey mr coward you plastic soldier how proud you must be to run of in the middle of your commrades being shot at.


So how many white feathers did you get?


lol now you're making fun of the military. You've ran out of ideas and now must use that 1% thinking capacity on full load

how proud you must be to pretend to have a husband, but the reality is that no one would ever touch you with a 10 foot pole. You're name is skar, which tells me one of two things

you have no friends, no life, and you're a goth !**@! with a very low brow sense of humor

you need therapy, and need to be taught how to spell. It's spelt scar, not skar. You misspelled you're own name, good job idiot
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replied July 7th, 2005
Active User, very eHealthy
Cpl-jj
You are nothing but a eunuch a ball less man[if you are even a man,which I highly doubt]you are beneath me and as such I will wipe my boots on you,i am sure you are proud of the way you ran in battle coward,but to me you are worse than the terrorists over there.Now you are not worth me wasting my time on,and as my wife is kicking your a$$ on her own I am no longer needed.So I will get on with my life,you know that thing you know nothing about.
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