The best contraceptive is the word no - repeated frequently

when a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.95 a minute

to hear many religious people talk, one would think god created the torso, head, legs and arms, but the devil slapped on the genitals.

Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions

against diseases here the strongest fence
is the defensive vertue, abstinence

if you use the electric vibrator near water, you will come and go at the same time.

Men wake up aroused in the morning. We can't help it. We just wake up and we want you. And the women are thinking, "how can he want me the way I look in the morning?" it's because we can't see you. We have no blood anywhere near our optic nerve

whoever called it necking was a poor judge of anatomy

for women the best aphrodisiacs are words. The g-spot is in the ears. He who looks for it below there is wasting his time

literature is mostly about having sex and not much about having children; life is the other way around.

Masturbation: the primary sexual activity of mankind. In the nineteenth century it was a disease; in the twentieth, it's a cure

we have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation

sex at age ninety is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.

A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is smoking a cigarette with a satisfied smile on its face and the egg is frowning and looking put out. The egg mutters to no one in particular, "i guess we answered that question."

sex got me into trouble from the age of 14 : i'm hoping that by the time i'm seventy i'll straighten it out.(this one is def me)lol


sex: the thing that takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of trouble.

Men reach their sexual peak at eighteen. Women reach theirs at thirty-five. Do you get the feeling that god is playing a practical joke?