Eating Disorders Forum - What Should I Do?

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Anorexia nervosa is one of several eating disorders. But what is anorexia exactly and who does it affect? Get anorexia basics and facts in this short intro....

Q: What Should I Do?

asked by: behind_that_smile on December 15th, 2004

New User

I'm sitting in front of the computer right now, thinking about what i'm going to do with my life. I want to have someone to talk to, but I just don't think my family or friends would understand me. Today I managed not to binge and purge, i'm happy that I didn't, but i'm so worried too, I feel like i'm gaining weight because I didn't do that. Today I looked at the mirror, and looked at my tooth...I know it's because of what I did..I'm so scared..I have a toothache right now, but I don't want to go see the dentist cuz I know they'd find out what i've been doing.
Sometimes, I really wanna tell my mom about this, but I just dont' have the courage, cuz I know exactly how she'd react to this. Actually maybe like 5 years ago, they found out one time that I was puking in the bathroom after dinner, they got really mad at me. And it stopped for a while, and it just came right back last year...I tried to tell my boyfriend about it..But I think he thinks that i'm crazy...He's being supportive but I just don't think he understands what this is about.
I mean you won't understand if you haven't been in the same situation. Last week I did really bad, cuz the b/p cycle won't stop....I did that almost everyday last week. I mean I felt like I did it intentionally..I'm fully aware of that and I actually planned all that out..I feel like i'm really stupid and on one hand, I wanna stop, but on the other hand..I was planning all these..... I've read a lot about bulimia....They're not really afraid of gaining weight..It's something else...It has something to do with their childhood, their relationship with their families....I think it's true too...I tried to get help, but I dont know how...I went to talk to the counselor one time, she said she'd give me a number to call, but she didn't yet, I guess she forgot about it....And now I don't feel like getting help, cuz i'm scare that once I stop binging and purging..I'll gain weight easily..I don't want to gain weight..I hate it when people laugh at me......I lost 45 lbs starting from last summer....I mean i'm not obese or anything...But I just wish i'm a little skinnier....I just want to be happy...And being thin will make me really happy....

What should I do? I don't want people to tell me...Oh you need help....I know I do..But I just don't want it....

Replies(2)

serious_me

replied on December 15th, 2004

New User

Its Not Over

Evry 1 wants to be skinny maybe even a little skinyerbut no1 is perfect and maybe u should give ur self a lil diet I now it sounds like thatsnot gonna help but if utell ur self thta ur gona loose weight its the first step to doing so no 1 learend how to walk in 1 day it takes time the steps you take should be smaller ur not gonna be skinny from just pucking ur still gonna think u need to loose weight even if r u alredy skinny its not good for your mind and ur heart good luck
-shelley

OutsideSizes

replied on December 15th, 2004

New User

Skinny Does Not = Happy

Hey,

i'm not bulimic, I mean, I have tried it but i'm too anal to deal with puke lol, but I am starting to seriously think i'm anorexic.

I always had a problem with food- like a love/hate relationship with it. I have yo-yoed like crazy weight wise since I was like 10 yrs old, b/c I have a natural tendency to be a lil overweight. But my diets were never too extreme, I mean I would restrict, but not too badly, and eventually i'd start eating crap again, gain it all back and over and over and over.

The thing is, i've become sooo scared of food and weightgain that I now abuse pills like adderall and various diet pills, mainly to keep myself from eating. I weighed about 150 lbs in feburary and now I weigh 105. Everyone tells me I look sick, im losing hair, my nails and skin are so dry, and I can barely walk a flight of stairs! I'm totally miserable and unhealthy and its really screwing with my head and my nervous system. Yesterday I had a piece of cheese in the morning and puked it up as I was driving cuz my body couldn't hold it down.

The point is, just b/c im skinny now, I am not happy at all! I want to keep losing weight, even though there isnt much to lose, and I am even more disgusted with myself now when I look in the mirror then when I weighed 45 lbs more.

I dont have any solutions or lectures to give, just wanted to tell u not to expect it all to result in happiness. It won't.

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