So something bad happened to me. I am not hurt physically, or mentally, or emotionally (i think) at least not yet. What is love? I really don¬ít know the answer to that. But I think I stepped in it, and got it all over my shoe. It¬ís like gum I think, only stickier. Her name (thank god it¬ís a her) is *edited*. I have never been more wholly attracted to someone before in my entire life. I think I am in love with her, but I can¬ít really tell for certain. I love spending time with her. I love her smile, her eyes, her laugh. I love her sense of humour, her intelligence. She¬ís pretty hot too¬Öummm not that that matters *eyes shift* but yeah. She is incredibly nice and kind and good. She makes me smile, just the thought of her.
I think i¬ím going insane. I think about her a lot, so much so that i¬ím writing this very document. I don¬ít think i¬ím obsessed with her, but it almost seems like that. Even i¬ím a little creeped out by the situation and that¬ís one of the reasons I talk to no one. We¬íve spent a lot of time together and the more time I spend with her, the more time I want to spend with her. It¬ís like a vicious little cycle.
I feel a connection to her, like a kindred spirit thing perhaps I really don¬ít know. I¬íve never felt this way about anyone. This has never happened before. She seems to like me, at least to some extent. I¬íve never had anyone seem to want to spend time with me before, I don¬ít know why she does, but she does. She doesn¬ít like me, but she does. I really don¬ít get it. I tried to talk to her about my feelings and sought what she felt her response didn¬ít exactly thrill me. She doesn¬ít know how she felt and she was not looking for a relationship. I don¬ít know how many times i¬íve reflected on that. The conclusion that i¬íve come to is that she doesn¬ít have feelings for me other than friendship, and she wanted me to back off. That was several months ago, i¬íve tried to stay low key. I haven¬ít called her, haven¬ít tried to invite her to any outings/ any more dates. That¬ís another thing, when she realized we had sort of been dating she got freaked out, but I wasn¬ít trying to be subversive or anything! ¬Ö a little frustrating. She still seems to want to do stuff with me, and she still talks to me on the msn messenger doohickey, almost everyday that. We¬íve done three things together since our little ¬ďtalk¬Ē there has been a slight change in tone, in the last two times at least, but I think that is likely mostly from my end.
Anyway my dilemma is that I have no idea what to do. I care about her, I truly do. I can have her in my life, but only as a friend, but instead of my feelings going away they seem to be intensifying, this could be bad for me I think. Alternatively I could cut her out of my life altogether, but I don¬ít want to do that. I can¬ít talk to her again about ¬ďus¬Ē. I don¬ít want to be one of those guys that can¬ít take no for an answer, but I just feel so, compelled. I want her to be a part of my life, and I want to be a part of her life. Our friendship survived one attempted conversion into something else, I don¬ít know if it would survive another.
Aww sweetie I hate to break it to u, but u are in love my dear fun, isn't it? Hehe I don't know about from a man's perspective, but from a woman's view (for me at least) love is great. Best feeling in the world in my opinion. But just be careful. U don't want to go falling in love with the wrong ppl. I know I love someone that I can't be with and I hate that. So good luck I wish u lots of happiness :d
Hmmm yeah, so I guess that the only think I can do is be the best friend that I can be, enjoy the time that I do get to spend with her, and try not to let my feelings for her get in the way of our friendship. I mean my feelings obviously complicate matters, but as I said before whatever pain or awkwardness I feel is a small price for still having her in my life.
I am assuming of course that if she were to (and it's not like i'm hoping this will happen) develop feelings for me then she would let me know. A girl would do that right?
If you care about her so much, then you have to accept her feelings. Its not fair, but you cant force someone to feel the same way you do. Why would you wanna be with someone if they didnt want to be with you? Maybe shes not the one for you. Cause when you find the one your feelings should be mutual. Everything happens for a reason...
Just relax and see what time brings with her. She could fall in love with you, it happens all the time. What a wonderful way to start a relationship, with first being the best of friends....That's the way to do it if you ask me.