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Pregnant And Boyfriend Not Being There (Page 1)

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I just recently found out for sure that I am almost 2 months pregnant, and my boyfriend and I have not really been talking for a few weeks now. So I called him up a few days ago and told him the news, and he is anything but supporting me, abortion is something I will not do, but he says that if I don't then I am ruining both of our lives and he will have to move back home and we will be broke and miserable. Then he said that if I did get an abortion then we could get an apartment together and things would be ok. I told him my point of view and that I will not get an abortion, and that I wish he would be there for me, but I really don't know what he is going to do. I wish he would come around, maybe after a while but I don't know. I do know that my mind is made up and I want to have this baby! Anyone else been through anything similar out there? Sad
mel
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First Helper taurus798
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replied December 15th, 2004
My boyfriend and I broke up the day after I got pregnant (2 weeks before I knew I was). He was horrible throughout the pregnancy (lived with another woman for most of it) and then tried to convince me to work it out with him. I spent the first year of my son's life 'trying to make it work'. My son is now 2 and his father has been living with a different woman for the last year. Do I wish his father was more supportive? Of course. But after 3 years of dealing with him (when you count the pregnancy too) what I wish more than anything is that he would just go away instead of coming in and out of my son's life.
Any guy who will try to talk you into doing something you don't want to do by promising to get an apartment and that you'll be together - isn't worth being with. I admire you for stating that you won't have an abortion - I was the same way. Your best bet is to let the father go. If you can make it without his child support, offer to let him sign away parental rights. That way you're not 'ruining his life' since that's what he claims, and you won't ever have to deal with the uncertainty of how he's treating your child when he takes him (or her) for visitation. If he refuses, or you don't want to do that (he was responsible for helping create this child so you have every right to make him help support him) then do what you need to do to maintain a healthy pregnancy and and deal with him only when you have to. His behavior will only make the pregnancy more stressful and difficult for you. Talk to a lawyer if you need to, but I know here the father has no rights until the baby is actually born (don't consider it a person until then), so you may be able to just ignore him completely until you have the baby. Just remember than no father is not worse than a bad father. And someday you'll find someone who truly loves you and your child - and my guess is, if you're anything like me, you'll be a lot pickier now that you know a boyfriend will be part of your child's life too.
I'm still single (decided against dating for a while) and it is very difficult sometimes, but it's all worth it. This afternoon my son came up behind me, hugged me, and started rocking me saying 'rock the mama, rock the mama'. Although single parenthood is hard, I don't think there is any greater joy than watching your child grow. And there is other support out there. My friends were amazing throughout my pregnancy (even offering to come to the delivery room with me!) and still are. I've recently started talking to some male friends about spending time with my son sometimes so he has some male role models. Your family can be a good source of support. And there are groups you can look into in your area i'm sure. Mothers of preschoolers (mops) is a good one and i'm sure there are others. My church has also been very helpful.
Bottom line - deciding to have my child has been the best decision i've ever made. It's made my life difficult at times - but also much more wonderful than I ever imagined!
Good luck and post again if you need anything!
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replied December 17th, 2004
Active User, very eHealthy
I know what your going through tauraus! My ex is being a serious dumb azz. He says I am ruining his life ha what about mine? We were only together 2 months and I have no desire for him to be in my life but is that fair for my child. He says he is signing away his parental rights I said go ahead but u will still pay child support!

I think your man is a coward! I tell him where he could go just like I did my baby's father!

I wish you the best of luck. It is great that you stood up for your belifs!
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replied December 17th, 2004
Experienced User
I broke up with my babysdaddy when I was about 7 weeks becuz he was controlling and emotionally abusive and lot of other shyt too....And he told me since I wanted to be alone, I could raise my child on my own so I told him I will....I dont want that type of negativity around my child watsoever. But I am takkin his a$$ to court when my child is born for child support since he wants to play dirty, I can play dirty too....
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replied January 26th, 2005
When I found out I was pregnant my daughter's father threw me on the street. It was then I made some real life changes...

I have been through a lot of scary things in my life including being a “street child” homeless in shelters for over 2 years, but being pregnant and knowing I was going to be alone was by far the worst. The feelings are indescribable. Through the pregnancy I had little to no support. Still, in the 3 years since my daughter’s birth I have learned to use a computer, started college and maintained a 3.75gpa (not bad for someone that barely passed high school), taught myself html and built a website, made quality friends that are also single mothers, landed a good job with full benefits, gotten off welfare and state assistance completely… the list goes on. If I can do it, anyone can.

Not long ago a friend of mine became pregnant and was dealing with a lot of the same emotional issues I was. Not only was I able to talk her through those but I was also able to help her contact the proper agencies to make sure she had health coverage, housing, etc. Because she, as i, was low income. She had the baby 2 months ago and is doing very well...

What I am trying to get to is if you find yourself in this situation you are not alone. I have created a website that is geared toward single parents. When you visit it sort of looks like we just goof off a lot, but if you look through some of the forums you will see when anyone of our members has an issue, all jump in with ideas. I am very proud of my members, and the length they go to support one another.

If you find yourself alone, and you need a friend, please visit http://missjenniferlee.Org

you should never feel alone.

Jennifer lee
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replied January 29th, 2005
My boyfriend and I were trying for almost a year to get pregnant. So many different doctor's told me that I couldn't have kids. So we kind of gave up. Me and my boyfriend started having problems and he kind of threw the fact that I "supposedly" couldn't have kids in my face when he left me for someone else. A week after he left I found out that I was pregnant with twins. Once I got a hold of him to tell him he acted all happy at first and was going to leave the other person to be back with me and raise a family. The next day he was supposed to pick me up for a doctor's appt. So we could get a sonogram and hear the heartbeats. He never showed and from what his family tells me, he is back with that other person and he doesn't want nothing to do with me and these babies. He even had the nerve to say they weren't his!! What a jerk! It is making this pregnancy so hard to cope with.
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replied February 4th, 2005
Wow..
Hey all, I am a single 18 year old mom with a 3 week old daughth, well a month old on the 15th. But I am a single mom for a different reason that you all. My husband, of about 7 months was killed in iraq on active duty. I know raising this child will not be the easiest thing for me to do, but with the help I do have from out families, I know it will work.
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replied February 4th, 2005
Angry
Thank you for the replies, it help so much to hear other's going through similar situations! I talked to my boyfriend (ex) about things a few weeks back after the last time we talked, and he said that he couldn't believe I wanted to have the baby and that he didn't even believe it was his because of something that one of his stupid friends told him which was completely not true...I think he was just using that as an excuse, so I was really broken up that he could say it was possibly someone else's...But a few days later I woke up at 5:00 in the morning with big pain and bleeding so my mom took me to the er, and I ended up having a miscarriage. It was very hard, I was really starting to get used to the idea of having a baby. Well, after that me and the a-hole ex are completely finished. I miss him still in ways, but he had the nerve to call me and say that he would have been there for me and the baby after all. It would have been nice to say thatwhen I was actually still pregnant!! I am very angry at him now, and now and then run into him..But I know we are definitely thru. I just keep remembering what a horrible person he was, and try not to think about the good times...I can't understand how a guy can be so cruel and insensitive.....Good luck to all of you!
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replied April 12th, 2005
.
I'm 16 and my mom got pregnant with me when she was 16 and had me when she was 17. Her boyfriend wasnt there for her and she wasnt married. She's 33 now and she's the best mom ever! Lol. Seriously though, my dad was hardly ever around when I did see him. I havent seen him though since I was 7 or 8. I moved to the u.S. From manitoba and I dont have any form of contact with him. I've turned out great though, I have a 4.0 (although when I type fast I dont use any grammar or whatever like I am now) and i've never done any drugs in my life. I've never had a drink, never had a cigarette, never done weed or whatever, and I dont believe in premarital sex now that I know how hard it was for my mom to have me so young. She's a great inspiration and she keeps me going knowing that she's worked so hard as a single, teen mom.

It'll get better! Its hard but your kid will be proud of you one day, if not already.
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replied April 15th, 2005
You Are Not Alone
I found out and my boyfriend wanted to go back to his ex and just be friends. I walked away. I was about a month pregnant when I went solo.
My daughter is three now. I am married to a wonderful man.
All will be fine.
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replied April 24th, 2005
Responding to Single And Pregnant Statement
My name is tavia, I am 25 years old, and I am a single mother. My ex-boyfriend does not support me. He said, at first, that he was excited. But when I was 3 months pregnant, he slammed be against the wall and said that he didn't want me to carry his child. I dumped him. What your boyfriend may not be physically abusive, but it is emotionally abusive. There are plenty of resources available for single mothers these days. Seriously think about how you want your life to go before you make any decisions concerning your child. I advise you seek counseling to deal with the emotional abuse that your boyfriend has been heaping on you and dump the punk. If he is man enough to do the crime, he is man enough to do the time. Good luck.
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replied May 17th, 2005
Don't Give Up!!
About 3 days ago I found out that im preg. (dont know how far along yet I havent been to my 1st doc's visit yet) but anyway, ive been dating the baby's father for about 5 months and I thought he would be happy...Instead he told me sat. That if I love him and want to stay with him that ill go and have an abortion (something I dont believe in) :cry: this is my 1st pregnancy and I am very excited. I know that sometimes it gets hard to thibk that ill have to raise this baby on my own especially since I didnt make it on my own (masturbation doesnt get you preggo!!!) :d but I believe that ill be the best mommy in the world, and maybe my bf will come around and maybe he wont, but I wont allow him to walk in and out of my child's life. Nothing would make me happier than to know that ill have my child's fathers' support but not every man is a real man!! All I can say is good luck to all those women who are raising their children on their own its not always easy being a mommy especilally a single mommy but nothing will take the joy out of it for me
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replied June 14th, 2005
lonelygurl wrote:
my boyfriend and I were trying for almost a year to get pregnant. So many different doctor's told me that I couldn't have kids. So we kind of gave up. Me and my boyfriend started having problems and he kind of threw the fact that I "supposedly" couldn't have kids in my face when he left me for someone else. A week after he left I found out that I was pregnant with twins. Once I got a hold of him to tell him he acted all happy at first and was going to leave the other person to be back with me and raise a family. The next day he was supposed to pick me up for a doctor's appt. So we could get a sonogram and hear the heartbeats. He never showed and from what his family tells me, he is back with that other person and he doesn't want nothing to do with me and these babies. He even had the nerve to say they weren't his!! What a jerk! It is making this pregnancy so hard to cope with.


wow, what a jerk. My boyfriend left me yesterday, and has the nerve to say that he's not even sure if it's his. I know he will regret leaving me when this baby comes and I get a blood test. It might be too late. Guys don't ever really know what they have until they lose it! Stay strong!
Mss209
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replied June 18th, 2005
Active User, very eHealthy
All I can say is he sounds like a !**@! ass
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replied June 18th, 2005
Community Volunteer
Re: Don't Give Up!!
mom2be wrote:
about 3 days ago I found out that im preg. (dont know how far along yet I havent been to my 1st doc's visit yet) but anyway, ive been dating the baby's father for about 5 months and I thought he would be happy...Instead he told me sat. That if I love him and want to stay with him that ill go and have an abortion (something I dont believe in) :cry: this is my 1st pregnancy and I am very excited. I know that sometimes it gets hard to thibk that ill have to raise this baby on my own especially since I didnt make it on my own (masturbation doesnt get you preggo!!!) :d but I believe that ill be the best mommy in the world, and maybe my bf will come around and maybe he wont, but I wont allow him to walk in and out of my child's life. Nothing would make me happier than to know that ill have my child's fathers' support but not every man is a real man!! All I can say is good luck to all those women who are raising their children on their own its not always easy being a mommy especilally a single mommy but nothing will take the joy out of it for me


don't ever get an abortion for someone else, you will regret it! And who knows maybe he'll come around. Good luck!!!
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replied June 29th, 2005
Experienced User
If an abortion is soemthing that you dont want dont get it for someone else! It has to be your decision you will have to live with your choise for the rest of your life.
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replied July 21st, 2005
Experienced User
Newmommy23

sorry to hear about your situation.....But just know that when a person gives up their rights they won't have to pay child support. That's one of the reasons they do that other then not wanting to be bothored. I don't agree with it and htink it's wrong. You could probably try to fight it though if that does happen but who know what will happen. Good luck, don't worry maybe he'll come around. I was never in that situation me and the guy who got me pregnant are married for about 9 months now.....I'm 3 months pregnant. But everything works our for a reason so don't stress.
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replied August 4th, 2005
Experienced User
Re: Don't Give Up!!
hott_latina123 wrote:
[ yall need to stop having sex thats what runies ur life thats why im never gouing to havea vchild I dont wnat to loose my image :o


the choices we have made are our own.. And were here talking and sharing advice about being single parents.. So your advice isn't needed but I do have some advice for you.. Take a spelling lesson.. You definatly need it.
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replied August 4th, 2005
Experienced User
Re: Don't Give Up!!
hott_latina123 wrote:
[ yall need to stop having sex thats what runies ur life thats why im never gouing to havea vchild I dont wnat to loose my image :o


the choices we have made are our own.. And were here talking and sharing advice about being single parents.. So your advice isn't needed but I do have some advice for you.. Take a spelling lesson.. You definatly need it.
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replied August 22nd, 2005
Experienced User
Hey kate I agree wit u completely.... U allready no im 17 y/os n im gonna have a little boy...My b/f left me when I was almost 3 months pregnant...He told me im not getten a dime hes not helpen me with nething...But yet at allmost 3 months he said hed give me $ to get rid of the baby...Im over joyed with haven this baby I know im young but...I know ill make it threw n manage... N like u said kate the choices we made are our own...N we know wha we have to do now...N we are here tryn to give the best advice we can give to all the other singel parents on this board...Even though some of us are young we still can give pretty decent advice...N I do belive that people like hott_latina's advice is really not needed...But thats my opinon...Ttyl kate hopefully soon youll find out wha the baby is =-)...Bye
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