Long story short my husband and I have been together for nine years we just got married this year and the other day I found a note that said " sorry that I didn't call you I overslept " and it was signed with her name ( it is a girl at work and her phone #... I do know her she also lives down the block but when I confronted him he said that I was being paranoid and that it was a note that he was supposed to pass alond to a mutual friend.... Help im driving myself crazy. Thinking that he is doing something he says that he loves me but I am self concious
sorry to hear this, but you need to nip this in the but right away.
About 12 years ago right after my sister got married as a newly wed, she found out her husband was cheating on her. When confronted and after much anguish, she decided to forgive him. However they never dealt with the issues on why he cheated, how it hurt her, how to prevent it again.
After having two girls now 10 and 8, my sister found out two days before our entire family was leaving for a week of vacation, her husband was having another affair. By the way, her husband wanted to stay home to work on the house (did not get much work done because he was having sex with one of his co-workers at work).
My brother in law has many bad habits. He is an alcoholic which causes him to verbally abuse my sister. He is into much pornography which causes him to lust and makes my sister cringe to have sex because he wanted her to talk dirty during sex. He is very selfish which causes him to put himself before the needs of his family, wife, and children (always had to have his expensive toys before the needs of his family). His parents were divorced and did not learn from their situation.
If any of these characteristics are your husband, you need to act.
If you love him and want to work it out,
1. You need good counseling to know what you deserve and should expect out of your marriage.
2. You need joint counseling together.
3. You need to put a list of changes he needs to make in order to make your relationship work.
A. Needs to stop bad habits which hurt your relationship.
B. Because he cannot be trusted, he cannot be out late at night or given any opportunity which would allow him to have the time to have an affair.
C. You should take control of the money/budget and review it so you can know financially there is something going on.
D. No private email accounts/no secret activity.
E. No lies no matter how little or insignificant.
F. Whatever applies in your situation that needs fixed.
4. If he agrees with your demands and you forgive him, you must make him follow this fully. If he earns your trust and keeps himself accountable to all his actions, great.
If he goes back to his old ways, be very wary and consider leaving him.
You need to deal with situation now before you may have children in the picture. Last thing you want to have children, and find he is having an affair. This makes the situation much more difficult.
My sister is in the midst of a divorce. My sister was devastated. She may have given him another chance because of the children but he was in no way willing to meet her requirements to make the relationship work.
Please deal with the situation now rather than later. Get counseling to know what you deserve and should expect from your marriage. If he can't meet this, end it now while you still have time to find a man who will cherish and love you the way you deserve.
First off let me start off with saying I am sorry that you think your husband is cheating. That is a real hard thing to deal with, but if you think that he is cheating then he most likely is cheating. I know that is not what you want to hear, but it is the truth. If you do find out that he is cheating I would talk with someone close to you that will not judge you if you decide to stay with him, and forgive him.
If it's causing you grief, there prob is something going on, by now, if there was, the friend has prob been warned to cover for him. Go with your gut, mabey your looking for a way out of the relationship also so be carefull because if it's subconcious, than you will be looking for things like notes an such, cheers.