Hey guys, remember that 21 y/o guy named asheley I had been "seeing"? Well I hadn't talked to him in almost 2 weeks, because one day he called me up wantin some and I was like "no I dont feel like it" so he was like f*** u then and hung up. I didn't call him back. Well last night he calls me at work, askin if I want to get off early and come to his hotel room, and i'm like nooooo I don't think so and he kept asking and sayin please and im like no dude, we are busy here and I really need the money. So he calls me back 2 hours later askin again. He is like, we are going to do a little drinking and i'm like ashley, you know I don't drink and all he would say is c'mon etc.....He's like ill get you your own bottle of liquoyr and I kept sayin no and hes like ill make it your fave and I said ashley I can't and he just kept asking and finally im like ok whatever fine, but I have to be home by 10, and hes like ok no problem, well he comes to get me half an hour later, half drunk. My friend debbie was there, and since his brother chad was with him (who by the way is 24, and debbie is also 15) he decided to let debbie tag along. So we went to the groccery store where he went to buy some liquor, but on the way there, he is drinking jack and coke in an open cup! I was like what the hell ashley there are cops everywhere! So we finally make it to the hotel, they drop off me and debbie at the room and they go get some coco locos mixed or w/e they called them. I took a few sips of one of those, but then I was told they were 1/2 alcohol. So I stopped there. Debbie is medical question drinking jack from the damn bottle, getting sh*tfaced. So then she goes down to the pool and starts talkin to a bunch of people and acting stupid. So chad and ashley wanted to take her home and im like well u might as well take me 2, but she refused to go home. And then of course ashley started kissin all over me so chad and debbie went on a walk while ashley and I did the deed. Well we come out not even 20 minutes later to look for them, and the car is gone. It is 10 minutes till 10 by now, so im a little worried, 10 after I went to the phone and tried to call falishia, no answer, then I tried chris but he couldnt use the phone. So I started walking, (this is on highway 41, almost as busy as a freeway, and ashley is telling me to call when I get him so he knows im ok and I told him he didnt give 2 craps anyways so I wouldnt bother. Im bawlin my eyes out because im thinking my mom is going to try and prove me an unfit mother and take my son away. I go across there to taco bell to see if my friend wilmary is workin, which she wasnt. So I just started walkin the 2 miles to chris's house. About halfway there some spenish people stopped and asked me if I wanted a ride. So I got in, (i was sobbing so hard I could barely breathe) and they took me there. I knoceked on his door, he let me in and I told him and his mom what happened. They gave me a ride home and I had to tell my mom about everything, and she kept saying how stupid I was and that if I was pregnant again I was having an abortion etc etc. I told her we use pills and condoms so I was most likely not pregnant but all she kept saying was that I obviously dont care about my son. I told her I was sorry, and that I care about him more than anything, but I have been feeling so trapped lately, school, josh, work, bed and thats it. Thats my life. I have been so depressed lately that I cry for no reason, and I sometimes think about hurting myself, and the only reason I havent is because of josh. I told my mom that I think I need to be back on meds, because I dont want to do things that ill regret. Then she asked me why I was even around him and I told her outright, because I was staying away from camerin like I promised, although he was the one I always talked to when I felt like this and he always helped, and he never would have let this happen. And I just kept bawling. My mom and I are getting along better today, I think maybe she understands. I am just not made of stone as everyone seems to think I am. I am weak, and I need help, even if its counseling and medication, because I just cant deal with this. You guys I could really use some support, I was so scared something was going to happen to me last night. Wasn't sure if I would ever see josh again. I havew never regretted doing something so stupid, so much. That could have been my life, driving with him knowing he was drunk. By the way, I won't be seeing ashley anymore.