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Help With Girlfriend (Page 1)

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Hello, my girfriend who I love very much has been abusing me as of the last month to the point where our relationship is hurt. She has mentionied ex boyfriends, hung up the phone on me and said hurtful things such as if I dont work less (which I cant help ) she would pick her friends over me.

I worry about the future because even though I would like to marry her, she always seems upset with me. She does not work much so does not understand the commitments that are required even though I explain it to her.

She says I blame her, but I merely tell her she is hurting me. I feel as though we are both good people, but the help she is getting still results in her making me sad.

Could I have some thoughts?
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First Helper DaveArizona
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replied December 2nd, 2004
Extremely eHealthy
You don't mention your ages or living situations or financial or educational circumstances - all of which impact - as does health on a relationship & on advice that can realistically be given.

That said >> it sounds like as you said you are tow good people but people who may (seem) to be at different points/places in your lives with perhaps different needs >> & perhaps you would both be better off apart - at least for the time being.

If you keep fighting you keep hurting each other but sometimes a break away can heal or show you options(both of you) that you hadn't seen before.

I also don't know just how much you're working & why - I mean there are workaholics out there - but there are also people who have to work in order to pay bills or get something so it may be that you are overworking but without any details no-one can really know.
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replied December 13th, 2004
Help - Thanks For Reply
Hi, thanks for your reply. We are both in out early thirties. I havent spoken to my girlfriend in 2 weeks since I felt really hurt. She has told me she loves me but every day she would be angry about something. One night she hung the phone up on me because I didnt get out of work till 7.
I am not a workaholic, but the nature of my job requires hours of around 8-7 sometimes.

I have been afraid to call her or see her since every day was ending in her either hanging up the phone or telling me her friends were more important. It got to the point where my work was being affected as she would keep me up at night at curse at me.

I love her but do not know how the relationship can work when she is mean to me. Could I have some advice? Thanks
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replied December 13th, 2004
to Love Or Not to Love?
I though that I found your letter under the bi-polar heading, your letter didn't specify, and with that in mind I will reply. I was dx a few yrs. Ago with bi-polar disorder, and was at the time having problems with anger outbursts, I would feel out of control and get upset at such little things, then I would really wanted was a hug. Of course no one wants to hug someone who is so verbally cruel. Once I got to understand my illness and with my medication, and counselling, i've learned to control my manic outbursts. Now if your girlfriend isn't bi-polar, then I would still say, from what you've wrote, she needs some professional help dealing with her anger. You can't be in a "healthy"relatonship and behave like that. Think if you do want a future with this woman, do you want her behavior to continue like this, maybe even carry on to your children. Hopefully she will love you enough and get the help (assuming you do suggest it to her) and if she wants a future with you, she would seek it, also simply for herself even. It's not fun having uncontrollable outbursts-believe I have experienced that. Now I leave the room when I get upset, and we talk about what the issue was later when I (or we both) have had time to "cool". It does sound like maybe the two of you are in different places in your life. That doesn't mean that the relationship has to be over, but your girlfriend really does need to deal with this issue. Remember the good old saying "it is better to have loved and lost that love, than to never have loved at all" --very true! Good luck
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replied March 7th, 2005
Bi-polar Girlfriend
Hi dave - I am a bi-polar female so I can understand what you and your girlfriend are going through - I have real anger issues and when I argue with my bf it is about things most people wouldn't argue about and I do not fight fair I bring up his old gf's and his past - I always want to end the relationship and just be by myself to deal with my problems - I haven't left yet cause I do care but the relationship is not good for either one of us. I have an appt. To sign a lease on an apt on wednesday I do not know what I will do - so far today we have not argued but we are both at work right now - I hate myself after we argue and I am sorry but I can not control it - I am not on any meds (probably should be) anyway I can understand some of the things your gf does and how you feel - maybe you can email me back if you would like to talk more about how it affects my relationship - I am not physically abusive but soemtime feel like I could be...
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replied October 24th, 2012
I have been with my girlfriend for 3 months now, and I love her very much and I would walk to the end of the earth for her, She has told me she never loved anyone as much as me, and loves being with me, we have a blast together we laugh about the same things and are views are the same on a lot of the same things, we both know nothing is perfect, but we text almost all day see each other almost every day, when we first met she told me she was bipolar, I wasn't even bothered by this, why should I be? I love her, anyway we are going threw a stage were she don't want to be bothered with me so much, like pushing me away, says she loves me, that she is just going thru somethings rite now, I have not seen her in 3 days and we hardly talk or text.... she isnt sleeping at night, this happened once before she said she needed time to think, and 2 weeks later she came back and its been great, till now, she has not said she wants a break and she said this has nothing to do with me or us, yet she is still pushing me away not talking ect.......
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User Profile
replied March 12th, 2005
Experienced User
Bipolar Boyfriend
Hi dave, I have the same problem you have, I didn't know if your gf is bipolar or not but anyway my bf is, he's not on meds :( and he's always hurting me as your gf do, I think this is very normal for bipolars to hurt their loved ones. I'm apart from him now coz he's in a bad mood, my advice is to be apart from your gf until she comes back to you.
Bipolars cannot think about 2 things in the same time, so if she's concentrating in anything she would not think about you, they are so obsessives. I hope you can understand this very well.
About relationships, their disorder make them feel that they cannot keep a healthy relationship, but they of course can. When they are down, they think about ending any relationship to be lonely with their disorder. I do understand these circumstances and i'm trying to coop with them, that's because I love my bf so much and I wanna be with him. I wish you good luck and you can email me if you want.
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replied March 12th, 2009
my girlfriend hs bi-polar too....help anyone??
well we are both in high school, and she gets ad over everything!!! she is not on any medicastions, but i really need some help with her. currently she moved across the USA so i cant see her at the moment. AND I DO NOT WANNA BREAK UP, so i need help with dealing with her too. she always fights about littleest things and says im cheating WHICH IM NOT AND WILL NEVER!! so could somebody help me??
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replied March 22nd, 2009
possibly bi-polar girlfriend?
in high school, im 16, shes 17, weve been dating for 6 months, and at the begining of 3 months we started fighting and crying a lot. mostly crying. we keep trying to figure out what was wrong, and i think we did a few times, but theres always some underlying cause, because she brings up the same arguements over and over, it never helps. im a very happy person, i love being with ppl i dont know and enjoy being alone. she is not very happy sometimes, she says she always misses me, when i went on a vacation for a week she cried because she was scared i would die. we always have fights now, every WEEK!!! i personally notice that i usually resent her by the end of the week, but then the weekend she comes to my house and we do sexual suff and i feel much better. its terrible i know. i think she does too, theres tension i guess because we only can see each other like 8 hours a week, at my house on the weekends only. one day a week. we stoped going on dates since winter(about 3 months in). she has resently actully yelled at me, ive yelled at her once now. i am mature i can deal with everything i know of, i am happy, organized, thoughtful, everything. she is REALLY unstable, then shes HYPER/ or sugar high, she goes bouncing around and forgets about me, then ig et sad, then she gets really sad, then i get mad and bottle it up, then were good again. when shes depressive, i am ok, then she blames me, then i get sad, then i get angry, i bottle it up, she feels better, i resent her, she wants me so we do sexual things sometimes. indeed right after our biggest fight (it was about sex) the next day we had sex for the first time. Irony.Shes very negitive, i enjoy just being with her. she always wants more, im never there long enough. she always gets really depressed before i leave. usually she comes crying back apologiuzing for her behavious, she didnt mean it, she knows she said hurtful things, she knows she had no reason to be so upset. theres some cycles going on. ok, well i guess i typed enough. im wondering what i can do, she wants me to make her a better person, but really all her problems come from herself, she needs to sort out her problems HERself, then move onto a relationship, but i dont wanna break up. i wonder what i can do to help, nothing i say makes a permanat effect, i thinking about medication, try and get her diagnosed, something must be wrong. im not sure.,
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replied April 6th, 2009
i'm bi lol
k so some advice for guys w/ bipolar chicks cuz I know it SUX being w/ us/me... I can't imagine having to deal w/ me I say terrible things and there's this really tiny/quiet part in my brain that's like don't say it don't say it but i say it anyway, er I'l explode and of course I end up apologizing but i can't take back the things i say when im dysphoric er whatev. I don't wan2 to say just suck it up but its kinda what you have to do TRY i know when its hard to not take something personal when ur girl is yelling at you all of a sudden for something u and prolle herself don't know what for... The BEST thing is to be supportive and listen and try not to make the situation worse its like we can't help it-we really dont want a fight so don't omg don't fight back we're just freaking out about something and you most importantly just need to understand that u CANNOT do anything so please DO NOT try to do anything or think you can fix it-b/c u can't and the relationship does not need more stress b/c ur pissed cuz now you're feelin incompetent that u can't fix ur girl. it just needs to pass-my bf realized that all he has to do is be there for me, he lets me cycle/cry do what i need to do w/out getting upset too and then i'm in a better mood (im tend to cycle extremely rapid, one phone call I was cryin yellin then the next 10 mins I was fine and then back, i did that several times and then I was ok-b/c he let me do my things w/o getting upset and making a real situation.
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replied November 9th, 2009
My Girl Friend To is Bipolar she recently took off to Arizona with a stranger she is very small and nieve. so scared she has not contacted any of her loved ones including her parents. Shes been missing for two weeks now and i feel so abandaned and worried at the same time. relly sucks.
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replied February 3rd, 2010
My girlfriend has bipolar
This is a reply to MEH2008
My girlfriend is the most amazing girl in the world and I love her with all my heart and we are going to get married, im 21 and she is 22. She does have bipolar though and i am so glad I found this forum and read your post, I have been wanting to speak to someone who has bipolar and understands exactly what they are doing, sounds like you understand. I feel emotionally drained from constantly trying to understand her and why she behaves the way she does, i guess i have to "suck it up" lately that is what i have been doing but sometimes i feel so hurt by what she does ans says i just cant handle it! In the beginning of our relationship (when i didnt know she was bipolar) things was 100%, she was crazy about me. we have been together 5 months now and she has episodes every single day and she is constantly lying to me, she always apologises and i forgive her but the next day she does it again. I keep questioning her becouse of this and she says im being controlling but is trust not meant to be earned once it is broken? She will never cheat on me but she has alot of guy friends which she talks to when im not around and tells them things like, she whats to be single and she gets bored so she makes problems in our relationship, one of the guys she talks to is an ex boyfriend who still wants her and she keeps giving him hope by talking to him? she also talks about her ex's alot which she never used to do. Sorry for going on like this, there is just so much i want to say coz i have never spoken to anyone about this. i have made an appointment to she a counselor which i think will help me deal with it. Anyway just wanted to say it was helpful reading your post ans would love to hear more from you, i want my girlfriend to understand what she does coz when i try and talk to her bout it she either shuts off and tells me to leave her alone or tells me i dont understand her and if thats the case we must not be together... Thanks again
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replied March 4th, 2010
WoW grow some testicles man I mean seriously.
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replied April 7th, 2010
Bipolar
I''m 21 and my wife is 20. We met in college and our first few months of dating were perfect. Once we moved in together and got married everything changed..I knew she had bipolar in the first place but was calm to know she was on medication. But now we fight almost everyday about any little thing. Mostly about sex. She is so addicted to sex that I would''ve never thought she would be never satisfied. And im not like that, I don''t have bipolar either.. I''ve never had to deal with anyone like her before and I feel like im going crazy. I''m a very patient person but after a year of being married I''m starting to doubt if i will always be there and stay married. She wants kids and raise a family with me. And I wish one day it will happen. But as things are going right now, I don''t even want to speak to her sometimes. How can I deal with her??
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replied May 24th, 2011
Experienced User
I would suggest professional help for the both of you. I too was caught up in a relationship with someone very similar.....she would start a fight (I wouldn’t participate in it) then leave my place if we didn't have sex only to call back crying telling me she only wanted to be close. I eventually ended the relationship because it was starting to affect me mentally. God be with you and her....and whatever you do...seek professional help for the both of you.

Chris
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replied April 8th, 2010
Girl friend becomes religious when in manic phase
The girl I fell for has gone and in her place is a manic, rarely sleeping, overtly religious woman that I don''t know. The girl I met and fell for was sharp, really intelligent, and an atheist. Has anyone else found this religious aspect to bi-polar disorder?
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replied April 12th, 2010
Hello I am also a victim of a bipolar girlfriend. After reading several stories i have come to the conclusion that we are all mentally drained and we need a cure. Some of us share the great sexual behavior that takes place at the start of the relationship, but I am telling you, that is the same behavior that wil make it so hard to let go in the future. Then come the fights the abuse the controling and the everyday mood swings. It is the hope that someday she would go back to being the person I met, that kept me trying to work it out, but that never happened. It actually got worse. Get out of the relationship while you can. If you can''t let go become friends and keep your distance. Learn to not take things personal and pray a lot. You got to change yourself, trying to change them will never work.
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replied April 19th, 2010
i know exactly how you feel i have a bipolar girlfriend at first she was crazy about me then it started old boyfriends then she would ask all her friends opinions of me i just cant win i love her to death i have stayed away i would take her on vacation she was fine then soon as we got back it all started then the visits would become less and less frquent then the verbal abuse she would make all kinds of rude statements she will never admit she is wrong i am always the one to make u hey im a great looking guy she is a doll but it has been a month since i last saw her we make love then the next day she starts with the abuse im crazy about her i give her room and now she is on the facebook kick with all her old boyfriends she has to be the center of attention she will speak to pefect stangers but she wont answer my callls and when i tell her im done with her she writes me back then says i love you im going thru physical health problems what do i do im at my ropes end she needs to get medicated i just wish there was hope for us im so in love with her and i miss her so much?i havent seen her in 5 eeks now and she stays in her room in the dark and she has a son but she never goes out what do i do any help out there?
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replied May 8th, 2010
this all sucks. i am 19 and officially diagnosed as bipolar and i just got my first boyfriend . this all sounds so painful, i hope it does not happen to me. it just seems like sometimes i want to kill a beautiful thing and watch it die. I know it has to do with pity and when a girl is doing it a part of them knows its illogical but they still want to jump off that cliff and squash it. The feeling of pushing someone away gives me this rush, like a sting, of emptiness, as i feel i would kill any beauty that happened between us. It''s like a shock. You want to feel that shock in the flesh, in reality, if you just cut the relationship off and severed it and never saw that person again. I have always been skeptical of a diagnosis like this, I dont know if it is real or not. The saddest thing would be a person taht actually loved you and cared for you, but then you just ignore them, leave them, and they don''t understand why. Its like you forget. You just forget the beauty that has happened between you guys. It all becomes clouded. Why would this tiny thing that the guy did, like not being able to get a ride to see you, mean that he suddenly did not love you, that he never cared about you? How can a person go from beleiving something and seeing it directly to not remembering at all? It''s been almost 4 months now and at first i thought i just couldn''t feel anything. I''d do all the sex acts but i wondered if i even felt anything at all. I think i feel more and more every day though, and when it happens its beautiful .. . . . . .It''s like these females can''t comprehend love. Nothing externally could ever be enough to convince them that they are loved. Nothing can make them fully beleive it is real. It''s like there''s a blinder on to everything, there is a fuzziness in the head. Its sad how love is just killed into nothing, and these females give up into the hole. kill kill kill, melt into the hole. it''s happened my whole life though to everything, i suppose my boyfriend would just be another part.
You just have to stay aware and dont fall into the trap of wanting to stay low. remember as much as you can what was said and felt between you guys. i still wonder though if love is real or not.
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replied May 10th, 2010
Bipolar and lazy.
My girlfriend is bipolar, and we are supposed to get married, but honestly I don''t know how much longer I can put up with this. She is always getting mad for little things, and doesn''t let anything go. Usually it has something to do with the condition of the house, or where her things are. But yet, she doesn''t do ANYTHING around the house. She throws her garbage on the floor, saying she''ll pick it up later, which she never does. Then when I confront her about it, she goes off on me saying I don''t pick up anything either. It really sucks because 90 percent of the clutter is hers, and I end up picking it up. She doesn''t vacuum, do dishes, laundry, the list goes on, but as soon as she needs a clean plate or clothes for work all hell breaks loose if I didn''t clean em for her. Yesterday I said "I love you" as we often do at random and her response was "I''m not sure how I feel about you right now." That really hurt, and I know it''s probly because of her bipolar, but it''s still hard to take.
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replied June 3rd, 2010
Be cruel to be kind to yourself - be selfish for once !
I suggets all of you get out asap as you will end up like me:

broke and in debt
on tranquilizers - addicted
very depressed and struggling to go to work
and strangely hurting like mad as the good bits are good but the bad bits are to bad to cope with.

My ex wont accept she is bi polar but she ticks every box

Get out now - 90% divorse rate with bi polar reationships
The ones that stay must be rock solid and have no emotions.

Sounds drastic but im torn apart as well as all the rest!
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replied August 8th, 2010
Don't tell her you are sad or hurt or show any weakness. You will push her away. She may be making excuses because she's throwing you off the fact that she is cheating. Really research Bi polar. If she's great in bed look out. She has other guys who don't know about you. She's like a little selfish kid but smart enough to say the right things to make you feel like the bad guy. They can lie like a pro. Dump her first if you are still together.
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