Exactly!!Some people are able to overcome their impulses and others are not.I know I almost made myself crazy trying to figure out why my ex cheated on me!It was only after overhearing a converation about another woman's situation that I was able to realize that it was not about me!That did not make the pain any less,but I was able to realize that I was not the problem.I could not have stopped him from cheating-he's just built that way!That does not make it okay,but,at least I knew I did not do or not do anything to cause him to stray.Please ladies, stop blaming yourselves for your man's cheating!!!It is not about you,in fact,he is not even thinking about you or your relationship when he is doing it!It is a matter of opportunity and if he/she is inclined to not be faithful-you are fighting an uphill battle.Let the past be your guide.If someone has cheated in the past,chances are,they will do it again.Some of us can overcome our biological urges and some can't!Patty

I must say, I have to agree with you both. That is some really intelligent thinking. As a guy, I have never cheated. If the man is mature enough and cares enough for you he should be able to control his urges. In regards to the biological explanation of why men cheat I wonder what the rationalization for women cheating is though. I know plenty who have.

I think some-not all women cheat for other reasons.I think it is more of an emotional thing with women.They are hurt or not feeling that their partner listens to them.Some women just do it because they can,just like men.I do think that whenever a person is unfaithful,it has little to do with the other person and more to do with the cheater's self-esteem(or lack thereof).That's my opinion,for what its' worth.Patty

I think that is a "brilliant excuse" for men who cheat. Yes, humans are animals, but humans are also the only "animals" who have sex for pleasure. And being as unless a man is married and him and his wife are trying for children, how many men do you really know who are trying to impregnate as many women as possible? Or any of their girlfriends for that matter? Exactly. Humans have sex for pleasure all of the time and every once in a blue moon to procreate.
So, sorry, I don't buy this one. It is all about respecting yourself and the person you are with. If you even have a small desire to cheat then you shouldn't be with the person you are with. Love is a powerful thing and if it doesn't overcome lust then you aren't happy in your current relationship or you are incapable of being a respectable human being.

Oh,i'm not excusing them!!I just think that some people have no problem cheating.They lack that little voice that tells them not to or they have the angel on one shoulder and the devil on the other-and the devil wins.Whatever you want to call it,there are those who will and those who won't cheat.I do not think it is any reflection on their partner at all.A person could be with the best person ever and still cheat.It is a matter of their own self-esteem and self-worth.Patty

Oh I know patty. I was talking about the first post. I just don't buy that reproduction crap. Nope, not in human men. I think that may make some women feel better, but it just isn't my cup of tea.

If some men want to make babies,they should take care of them as well!!But that's another topic for another forum!!

Lol. Agreed!

I was in no way making an excuse for men to cheat. My boyfriend and I are extremley faithful to eachother because our love trancends everything you may call biological. There is no excuse for not being able to rise above you impulses, we are concious, intellegent beings. Im just pointin out that biology and evolution shape how people act in socidty, men and women. We just have to take it into concideration! It is just somehting to realize when you are cheated on, it makes you realize that it is about the cheater and not always about you. Thats my point.

I agree I think it is something that is instinctual to us, as an impulse we have just like other animals. However, as beings with a conscience and intelligence we should be able to control these impulses however hard it might be. Referring to what patty said guys who cheat simply ignore the 'angel' on the one shoulder because they are not thinking using their intelligence, they are giving into their instinct and thinking with their peckers.

If you are using biological arguments, then women have a good incentive to cheat, too: they want a nice, stable, helpful, kind male around to provide for them and their offspring, but in order to create more robust and successful offspring, they might want to go off and mate with a different, but less domesticated male. This could explain why women are attracted to a-ssholes so often! Better genetic potential, maybe?

I think men cheat because all men are designed for adventure, be be strong, courageous, passionate. It's part of masculinity, it's some of the very identity of masculinity.

Masculinity can only be passed on from man to man (the ideal would be a good father teaching his son that he is good enough, strong enough, smart enough, etc.). Masculinity, manhood, is bestowed from a father-figure to a boy, especially from age 9-18 (give or take). If men never "receive" their masculinity, if no man ever teaches them, encourages them that they are good enough, strong enough, etc., he will look to women to give him that assurance.


This also helps reveal the truth that whole [meaning healthy, normal] men get more satisfaction out of pleasing their lover than they do out of the physical pleasure--they want to know they can do it, they are good at it, can take care/provide, be good and strong. Think about it. It doesn't matter how good the sex was for the guy, if his lover was unsatisfied, he will feel inadequate, impotent.


When a woman fails to give a man his masculinity, which she will, without exception because she is not a man, he will look elsewhere. If a man has never really felt like a man he either (1)retreats to a sensitive, shy, gentle (sometimes gay, even?) man or (2)be obnoxiously masculine and completely over does it with his attitude, his clothing, talk, walk, belongings, trying to show everyone he's a man. A whole (balanced) man who knows his masculinity will be a balance of both, and it will be life-giving to his friends, family, lover.


When men are not men, they fail women because women want men-men, those who know their masculinity and are comfortable being both passionate, gentle, strong, quite, adventerous and faithful.


When women are failed by men, and also when women fail men because her own heart is hurt and she doesn't even recognize her own beauty (either by trying to bury it or show it off so the whole world can see it), the man will go elsewhere to look for adventure.


It's all very tragic and messy, and it doesn't have to be like that. I believe people were designed for committed companionship. How can you say you love someone when you can't stay with them long enough to learn how to communicate with them, even the deep parts they are afraid to show? When you can't stay with someone long enough to know all the ways to give them pleasure (physical and otherwise) and explore new ways.


"window shopping" for love, attention, sex, leaves you wanting and unfulfilled. Even if you're high on the excitement of adventure for so long you hardly notice you're not satisfied. One day it will hit you that you have no one committed to you and you are committed to nothing. You are detatched, empty, lonely and bored, without adventure. But it doesn't have to be like that.

There is an *awesome* book on all of this called "wild at heart". It's specifically written to men but also accommodates and *really* speaks to women about femininity and how the two fit together, work togther, are different.

Umm, I still don't buy it. I think any man with a bit of intelligence doesn't need to have his masculinity "given" to him. A real man just knows. And a woman can and does make a man feel masculine, so that theory is out the window.

I know you weren't making excuses for them, but I still just don't buy it. If men had sex all over the place to "breed" then they wouldn't use condoms, pull out etc. Human men aren't like animals (well in the sexual way) they don't sex bunches of women for breeding purposes, they do it because they are sluts!
I am not trying to start an argument though, I am just saying I don't buy into any of those theories. Really, I think they are all just excuses for being hogs, or just being weak.
But, you are right that it isn't the person's fault who got cheated on! They aren't the one who did the dirty deed.