Addiction, Recovery Forum - Does Adderall Cause Depression?

If anyone has gone through this or is going through it now, please give me some feedback (sorry its so long, but I needed to explain everything and maybe it can help someone else- so if you don't want to read the entire message, my main question is in caps at the very end):

i go to nyu business school and its really demanding, particularly because I hate it and have no interest in business. I constantly feel inadequate and different from everyone in my classes and this makes me not want to get up in the morning. Its my last year now, and lately I have been terrified of where I will be after graduation. It hit me that the only reason I had been sticking it out was to please my father who loves me insanely and wants whats best for me (he lives in chicago and doesn't really know or understand what I have been going through, partially b/c I hide things from him but mostly b/c he is such a strong person that he can't understand how depressed and lonely and unmotivated I feel), and I am so scared of disappointing him, especially considering how I have been coping with the pressure recently.

For the past two years I have let my grades slip drastically and I didn't know why. I knew I hated my classes but I had been able to stay motivated in high school, so I didn't realize what was happening- I thought I was lazy. I would stare at my textbooks for hours and cry and worry but I could not bring myself to read them. So I would busy myself with anything else - tv, talking on the phone, writing, drawing, going out like a maniac, joining extracurricular activities- anything to avoid studying. Then I learned about add and how adderall was a "magic pill", so when this semester started I got a few pills from my cousin and could not believe how incredible I felt and how it made me want to do my work. So I began taking them on an almost daily basis to study. I would take them mainly at night so I could be completely alone and concentrate and I was able to do all my work on time which made going to class not so terrible.

Then I got my first test back, in a class I worked my ass off in and never skipped, and I got one of the lowest grades in the class. That was the first time I had a nervous breakdown, because I actually did everything I could and was trying with everything I had but it wasn't enough- I wasn't enough. But I knew that this diploma was the only thing I really had to show for myself and I couldnt give up. So I increased my dosage.

Simultaneously I was dealing with an immense amount of other stress: incredibly painful break-up with my bf, my unstable relationship with my mother (who is a very selfish person and whose chronic infidelity caused two divorces and who is now dating a married man and living off of him, which is also screwing up my little half-sister), a little cousin who is a drug addict hitting rock bottom (and whom I feel obligated to take care of b/c her rich parents are never there and don't know how to parent at all), crazy debt, being president of two student organizations that take up a lot of time, and the realization that I have no idea what to do with my life.

So, with all this happening at once, I guess I crumbled under the pressure without even realizing it. I began to feel weak and drained, and did not even notice the weight I was losing. I went from 152 lbs to 110 (but only 20 lbs was from the adderall, the rest was from atkins over the summer). It gave me pleasure to see the numbers dropping, and still does, but I don't see in the mirror what everyone else sees. My friends are all worried sick about me and say I got way too thin, but I feel i'm still overweight (even though the ideal weight for my height is b/w 115-120 lbs). I have gotten to the point where I couldn't even look in the mirror I was so disgusted and ashamed of how ugly I am, and no matter how many people tell me I was beautiful and thin I can't even listen to it.

Aside from the drastic weight loss I have a chronically fast heart beat (which is dangerous for me b/c I have a weak heart from all my dieting and stress, and faint from time to time), terrible irritability and mood swings, loss of interest in seeing my friends or going out lilke I used to, and total emotional instability- guilt, shame, self-hatred, worthlessness, the whole nine yards. I no longer enjoy the clubs I am president of even though they used to give me a sense of purpose. The worst side effect is probably the terrible anxiety I can't seem to shake. I have waves of panic that randomly come over me, sometimes so strong that I cry. I get scared of nothing all the sudden and I don't know how to control it.

My other recent habits have expanded to smoking at least a pack a day(i'm 21 now, but never touched a cigarette until a year ago when I was so upset I couldnt think of anything else), occasional cocaine use (when I can't get addy or when i'm going out, which is rare now), and a series of one night stands, not many but more than usual (although I have no faith in men anymore and no interest in sex and do it mechanically).

My every day begins and ends with one concern: how can I get more adderall? I am afraid to get perscribed b/c I am under my dad's insurance and I can't have him knowing, so I buy from dealers or people I know. When I can't get it I break down mentally, emotionally, and physically. I fiegn so badly I turn my body into a garbage disposal stuffing it with any kind of upper I can get my hands on- phentremene (a strong diet pill that I heard has an effect similar to addy and is only prescribed to obese ppl so I bought it online by lying about my weight), caffiene pills, zantrex (another strong diet pill), coke, etc etc. I have spent crazy money buying pills, and I will pay anything to anyone and go anywhere just to get one pill.

I never thought I was an addictive person. I always thought I had great willpower because I used to be really squeaky clean and was always able to lose weight whenever I set my mind to it (i have been struggling with weight issues since I was 10), but now I realize that I have always been addictive and extreme- addicted to controlling my body even through starvation, addicted to being anal because it meant I had myself under control, addicted to my ex-boyfriend who did nothing but hurt me (and I still am), and the list goes on. I used to think my past problem with alcohol was me "having a good time" until I realized I was drinking vodka alone at home. I thought me smoking weed every day over the summer was because I was bored, but I finally understood it helped me numb myself to the pain of my crumbling relationship (the only good things about addy is it helped me stay away from weed and alcohol). And now I am addicted to adderall (i finally admitted it a couple days ago), or more percisely, the feeling of controlling my mind and my weight- but it has made me spin completely out of control. I refuse to trust almsot anyone, and I am terrified of gaining weight (so I sometimes throw up intentionally if I do eat something I consider a lot - which isn't much). I am sabatoging relationships with certain friends I don't have the energy for anymore. I am always tired, I am always depressed, and I am always horribly lonely.

I have people who love me- I have my father and my half-sister and wonderful friends, but today was the first day I was able to open myself up completely to my best friend who lives back in chicago. I hadn't been able to get addy for a week (i finally got some tonight but it doesn't seem to be kicking in too well) so I was crashing horribly and took so much phentremine I couldn't get out of bed this morning. I layed in the same position and watched tv for 12 hours and cried. When I broke down to my friend on the phone she stared crying too because she is going through a similar situation, so that helped a little- to finally get it out. One of my other friends noticed I didnt sound well so she came over to my house and talked to me. She suggested I go to a school counselor and talk to them. I am going to go tomorrow, but I am so embarassed and scared. The first thought through my mind was - maybe the psychiatrist at school can prescribe me adderall...But then I realized that would mean I can't talk about my addiction with him/her which is what I should be doing.

I feel utterly stuck. I don't know what to do with myself anymore, and I am hoping that when I leave to chicago for winter break that I will be able to detox but I am seriously starting to doubt it. I never thought I would be in this situation- I was always so decisive and convinced in things...Now I can't even make a simple decision, not to mention one about my future.

I want to stress that I take full responsibility for my addiction, regardless of the crazy stress in my life. There are people without family, without friends, who come from abusive, inhumane conditions, who have all odds against them, yet gather the will and strength to become incredible, successful people without turning to drugs or any other easy ways out. I don"t blame anyone. I probably do have add, but I went about it the wrong way. I know people who are prescribed to adderall and don't exceed or abuse their prescriptions and truly benefit from this medicine, and I should have gone to a doctor and gotten advice from the beginning of all this. I wish I could turn back time, I wish I could start over and make different choices, but regret is useless. I am trying to muster some hope that I will be able to recover from this nightmare soon. How ironic, that something that can make you feel so high ends up making you feel so low. I just want to warn anyone considering this pill to please please please seek professional advice- and preferably from more than one source, because some doctors like to hand it out like candy.

So my main question is: does adderall abuse cause depression, or does depression lead to adderall abuse???

P.S.: I want to thank everyone who took the time to read and/or answer this post- it's nice to feel you have people who can relate.

Users who thank OutsideSizes for this post: Arizona998

Replies(30)

krispy011

replied on November 29th, 2004

New User

In response to your question and from my own experiences, adderall abuse causes depression, not vice versa. You may already be experiencing some depressed and stressed moods, but adderall is good at amplifing those if you don't already have them.

I like to look at adderall abuse in the snowball effect:
you begin taking it and appetite is surpressed on day one; gradually upping your dosage to feel it more, you sleep less resulting in brain and muscle tension b/c they have not gotten a reasonable relaxation period. This constricts your ability to think clearly which is frustrating, and your stiff muscles reflect your brain; little eating is causing malnutrition and your body works extra hard to deliver the proper nutrients, but struggles therefore tiring you out and giving you no sense of new energy; weeks or months of this become burdensome. Your priorities slip and your personality is out the door. You distance yourself from friends and family b/c a loner is what adderall has made you become and if they actually knew to the extent your problem was it would be too shameful to bare; anxiety is increasing from the 180 your body just pulled and once simple situations are now frustrating b/c without the proper essentials your mind can't run that fast; these problems keep growing, and even if it may seem like they have stabilized at a low level and they can't get any worse, chances are that on the inside where you can't identify with them, they're just building you up for a major crash or for later complications.

Anyway, my point is that adderall seizes your true personality & worth in life, stuffs your body into a long, dark, secretive hiding spot, and tries to pass you off to the world as yourself when on the inside you have been replaced with fear, anxiety, depression, stress, inferiority, shame, and all kinds of negativity.

If you have come to the point where you realize you need to seek help through a professional, all the more power to you. But if you choose to remain on adderall for whatever reason, here are some pointers that might make your day a little more productive: if your not going to eat take a multi-vitamin; if you eat a little make it healthy foods and don't omit all carbs b/c how else will you get energy? Try to exercise, like a long walk everyday to work your heart, or at least take 10 minutes out of the day to do stretching exercises. If one night you know you are not going to sleep, at least lay down on the bed and shut your eyes for an hour or so or allow down-time. Before you make any decisions, simple or complex, ask yourself what seems natural for you to do or say. If going to the bar on friday would be usual for you and the girls but you don't feel like being social, go anyway to prove to yourself that you're not phased.

Lastly, I know that the certain situation I am in will not be solved through my pyschiatrist or any kind of counselling, b/c as low as i've gotten and risen right back up again, I am not willing to commit. So unless you're really ready to rid your life of addiction, you might have a difficult time "detoxing" with some dude that will listen to your woes but will not be able to correct them. Doing so is all in your head, not in his medical books.

Our bodies and mental states are completely different so don't hold me to any of this. I am just glad I was able to give my input and get a little off my chest, as well. I can most definitely relate to what you said. It's nice to know there's someone to compare with having no need to feel shame. Keep me posted.

Shocked

<---- how I feel right now.

-k

OutsideSizes

replied on November 29th, 2004

New User

Thanks So Much

Hi krispy

thanks for your advice. Its a scary thing to go through, and I can just feel myself slipping deeper and deeper. I don't want to go to a counselor to get advice necessarily or get help quitting, I just want to let my thoughts out to someone, and maybe they can tell me something useful, but I don't expect a fast or easy solution. I was always so proud to be in control of myself and to realize within a one week period that i'm not at all in control and that im seriously depressed

i have been forcing myself to eat even though its hard sometimes, and I will start taking multi-vitamins like u suggested. I was thinking about that actually, but didn't know if it would help. I have also been making myself go out sometimes, just to keep up a sense of normalcy. It hasn't really helped but at least i'm somewhat distracted for a few hours, and as long as its not an overly crowded place I get some relief from the anxiety, which has definitely been the worst side effect. I will try to do some light excercise but even walking up a flight of stairs takes the wind out of me, so I hope I won't pass out in the middle of a walk- which I have a tendency to do.

I just hate the person i've become, especially the anger I feel and how I take it out on people I love. I completely went off on my best friend last night for no reason and I felt so bad a second later, but I was just raging. I mean, I can handle the insecurity and lonliness b/c those are internal and only affect me, but hurting people I care about makes me feel absolutely disgusted with myself.

Anyways, thank you. Getting advice on this forum has really helped me through the last couple days! Keep me posted too. Smile

Aenimaddict1

replied on December 20th, 2004

New User

Adderall Addiction/depression

Nothingfits- wow. My jaw like hit the floor when I read your post. It was like someone else writing my life story without me knowing and then me finding it online and reading it myself. I can't believe how many things you said in there that specifically happened to me as well.

I am a 22 yr. Old female. I used to drink vodka by myself at nights, too, in college, thinking it was just cuz I was bored.... I also have struggled with eating disorders, which lead me to become addicted to diet pills (xenadrine, stackers - with ephedrine, before it was illegal) I started at 212 lbs (5'7") I got down to 170 with diet pills, then the eating disorder led me to become a meth addict for 3 years, bringing my weight down to 134. I lost 78 lbs in total and when I looked in the mirror I saw a fat girl and everyone who knew me thought I looked sick. My hip bones and shoulder bones stuck out really badly and my face looked like a skeleton. I was always pale and had dark circles under my eyes and my lips were red from chewing on them and my skin was blotchy from bad circulation. I've been off meth for 15 weeks now, but I am still addicted to adderall (been on it for 2 years). I freaked out in college because I was so unhappy with what I was doing, and was super depressed because of the guy I was in love with at the time. I spent the majority of my time alone -- either super high all the time, or sober and depressed, crying my eyes out all the time. I ended up skipping my finals because I couldn't get out of bed during a withdrawl period, losing my job, failing out of college and losing a lot of friends. I'm now enrolled in another school, doing something I actually really love, that i've always wanted to do and i'm sooo happy. Like I said, I hit my 15th week of sobriety from meth this past weekend, but am still highly addicted to adderall. I would love for you to keep in contact with me if you need help or advice, or just someone to talk to. if you want to get a hold of me. I hope you do, i'd love to talk to you about this.

Hope to hear from you

happywomannow

replied on January 18th, 2005

New User

Time to Get Some Help

I read your post and felt truly bad. I want to tell there is hope and when you get off adderall...It's a little bit of hell for a few weeks and then you'll be better.

I am clean for 7 weeks. I am in corporate america and I thought it was the only way to get through a day. Plus, I felt so far superior to others because I was a size 4. Oh, great, look at me....I am never interested in eating fattening food. I screamed at my husband and daughters and co-workers and they never knew what person would show up daily.

After a party where I told my husband off for everything...He told me our marriage was over. I admitted to adderall addiction and went off of it. The first few weeks were a blur. Depression, anxiety, you name it. Now, I feel so much better. I've gained about 5 pounds....Big deal...I can live with it. I can work out and feel wonderful. My skin looks great and I feel like a million bucks. Do yourself a favor and get some help. If you can't do it alone, admit yourself to a clinic for a short time. Unfortunately, adderall is like having a secret friend...However that friend is an enemy that is destroying the person you are.

janell

replied on January 24th, 2005

New User

Arent You Supposed to Get Addicted to Adderall?

Here I am, addicted to amphetamines thinking, why didnt anyone mention this to me? About a year ago, I talked to my doctor about my concern for how happy I was with my adderall. I was always so adiment about being drug free... He was so totally blase about the whole thing, and that was the most alarming part of all.

Adderall changed my life. It was 4 years ago and I saw its results the very first day that I took it. I thought to myself, "oh my god. So this is what it's like to have a normal persons brain." I was diagnosed with add in 5th grade, and adderall was the first time that I actually realized how hard my day to day was without it.

I dont think people with add are "absent minded." I resent that. My problem was over-processing everything. Driving my car:"the light is green. The light is green. Green means to go. What if it changed to yellow now? Would I have time to stop? What if it changed now.. Now... The light is still green. Could I stop for it now? What if someone runs this light? Im going through the light and its still green. Green means go, right? Im through the light.. Oh my god, was that light still green?" and I would scrunch down and look in my rearview to make sure it was still green. I do know green means go, and with adderall, its just more of a check point. When I started driving again (pre adderall car crashes left me hitching rides for 3 years) I realized at first and would panic that I hadnt paid any attention to the color of the light. Then I realized that I actually had looked at the light and my brain knew it was ok, even thought I hadnt obsessed myself into confusion over it. This is true, as well as a metaphore for everything in my day. I know, wow.

So here I am. A senior in design school and recently admitted to myself im addicted and im pretty pissed about it actually, and also torn. It helps me... But I see the symptomatic effects also. I get a sense of happiness when I pull several all- nighters (a sustained adderal dose, minus sleep. Not overdosing. I get tired too, but I keep working...). The small things in the world become beautiful to me and it feels like falling in love. ..And I hear myself sound like a sick person...

But lets say that adderall works for me, and after college I sleep on a more normal schedule. Is that the point of this drug? To become addicted is a give in, and if everything else is ok, then what? Drug dependant sounds nicer... Is that what is supposed to be?

And what has helped other people? Is there really going to be something I can feel this good about, or is that my crazy addiction talking? I participate in wholistic lifestyle and im interested in suggestions. And can you relate to my stop light scenario? Its the best way ive come up with to describe my thought process to people that dont have add, but I havent talked about it with add people.

Talk on. I joined this just so I could vent in response to you all, and maybe for you to respond to me.

Janell

happywomannow

replied on January 25th, 2005

New User

Aren't You Supposed to Get Addicted to Adderall.

When I read your response, my heart when out to you. The doctor gave you the medication because you need it. Thanks for explaining how your mind works. My daughter has add and explains it a bit like that...She said many thoughts run through her head.

It's a shame that your doctor doesn't listen to you. Mine doesn't either and I don't go to him anymore. You have a bit of a dilemma. Go see someone else. I understand the happy sense of well being. I liked it...But I hated the mean side that went with it.

Please write again and let us know what happens. Go seek advice elsewhere (another doc). The psychiatrists are getting lazy.....Like well paid dealers.

Paris21

replied on September 14th, 2005

New User

I am 21. Recently I have been taking adderall to focas and study. It really helps me and I think I have add. I am skinny and always have been. Everyone has always told me that I was beautiful and I have always felt that I had to uphold this reputation. My junior year I gained a little weight and to control it I began throwing up. This led to my problem now, I am bulimic and have been since I was about 17. I hate it and feel ashamed and depressed all the time. I want to stop but its very hard. When I am hungry I try and choose to eat the healthy foods so that I wont regret eating and maybe wont throw up but the pleasure from eating always makes me overeat and leads to me bingeing. Sometimes its not even something I want to do I just cant stop. When I take adderall though I dont get the urge to do this. I eat when im hungry and thats it. I dont know what to do.

Hightension24

replied on September 25th, 2005

Experienced User

a Lot of People On Adderall Develop Eating Disorders...

I've always been the kind of guy who ate perfect, spent way too much in the gym, played basketball twice a week and adderall seemed to make all of this so much fun. I got in awesome shape. I had to get off of adderall and I gained weight that I had never had before. Now that i'm back on adderall, 30 mg xr and 30 10 mg tabs, one each a day, my weight is back to normal and my waist is back down to 30. You need to quit throwing up though, because it's hard to be beautiful when all of your teeth are rotting and your hair is falling out. The only times I puked is when I ate a whole chocolate cake because I was disgusted with myself. Later on.

DivineIntervention

replied on October 3rd, 2005

New User

Re: Arent You Supposed to Get Addicted to Adderall?

janell wrote:

here I am, addicted to amphetamines thinking, why didnt anyone mention this to me? About a year ago, I talked to my doctor about my concern for how happy I was with my adderall. I was always so adiment about being drug free... He was so totally blase about the whole thing, and that was the most alarming part of all.

Adderall changed my life. It was 4 years ago and I saw its results the very first day that I took it. I thought to myself, "oh my god. So this is what it's like to have a normal persons brain." I was diagnosed with add in 5th grade, and adderall was the first time that I actually realized how hard my day to day was without it.

I dont think people with add are "absent minded." I resent that. My problem was over-processing everything. Driving my car:"the light is green. The light is green. Green means to go. What if it changed to yellow now? Would I have time to stop? What if it changed now.. Now... The light is still green. Could I stop for it now? What if someone runs this light? Im going through the light and its still green. Green means go, right? Im through the light.. Oh my god, was that light still green?" and I would scrunch down and look in my rearview to make sure it was still green. I do know green means go, and with adderall, its just more of a check point. When I started driving again (pre adderall car crashes left me hitching rides for 3 years) I realized at first and would panic that I hadnt paid any attention to the color of the light. Then I realized that I actually had looked at the light and my brain knew it was ok, even thought I hadnt obsessed myself into confusion over it. This is true, as well as a metaphore for everything in my day. I know, wow.

So here I am. A senior in design school and recently admitted to myself im addicted and im pretty pissed about it actually, and also torn. It helps me... But I see the symptomatic effects also. I get a sense of happiness when I pull several all- nighters (a sustained adderal dose, minus sleep. Not overdosing. I get tired too, but I keep working...). The small things in the world become beautiful to me and it feels like falling in love. ..And I hear myself sound like a sick person...

But lets say that adderall works for me, and after college I sleep on a more normal schedule. Is that the point of this drug? To become addicted is a give in, and if everything else is ok, then what? Drug dependant sounds nicer... Is that what is supposed to be?

And what has helped other people? Is there really going to be something I can feel this good about, or is that my crazy addiction talking? I participate in wholistic lifestyle and im interested in suggestions. And can you relate to my stop light scenario? Its the best way ive come up with to describe my thought process to people that dont have add, but I havent talked about it with add people.

Talk on. I joined this just so I could vent in response to you all, and maybe for you to respond to me.

Janell

its a crazy addiction.. Even the people who come to a relization of the addiction and know very well the extent of damage it could cause and have created an estimate of the damage they linked it to in the past. It seems to hold no presidence over the decision to continue or discontinue the use of the drug. To give an example to a reader who has not experienced such things, take your computer for example.

Lets say you have a pentium 4 1.4ghz and you found a way you could overclock your processor speed to 3.4ghz with no modifications needed just as easy as clicking one button. This process is said to be safe and will not cause overheating or deterioration of components. 3-4 months go by your getting stuff done blazing fast and it was as easy as one click.

If you found out that later this procedure might be linked to some errors here and there and some reports are saying this procedure may have been linked to components melting and overheating and complete system failures in some cases. Would you want to go back? You could live with a few errors right?... And maybe those few reports are just coeincidences and some outside elements factored into that.

Note - I used the computer as a metaphor for your life and the processor upgrade a metaphor for the adderall.
*processors are used by computers for making calculations and managing the information flow to the memory.

Adderall is not a cure for anything it is prescribed for. It is a temporary fix much like taking tylenol for a headache.. It wont prevent future headaches. When adderall is prescribed I believe it is kinda meant to be taken forever. Is addiction the same thing as routinely taking a drug forever I have no ideal lol. Looks pretty damn similiar. Addicts are said not to be able to stop. If you have a add would you be able to just stop and be fine?

I do not have add so take this into consideration when you read all my adderall postings.

generalshafto7

replied on November 1st, 2005

New User

This Adderal caca

Hey my name is teddy n I am 17 yrs old
listen I guys I no wat u r talking bout trust me all tho I didnt take it cuz I have add or adhd I was just a drug attic. I did everything I could get my hands. I mean everything! After living that way for 3 yrs straight not very long but long enough to become addicted to the weed,crack,(dope only did 2x dont like) coke, adderl n lots of other pills, by this I was addicted to just striaght up drugs n the need to b high, I was high every day for 3 yrs straight but then one day I get suspended from skool cuz they wanted to drug test me n I would ahve failed so ya n then I couldnt go to prom wit my girl n I was was upset as was she n then I ask her wat do ut hink bout me doing all the caca I do n do u want me to quit she said idc if u quit or no but I do prefer u did so from then (8 months ago) to now I still clean.. I quit cold turkey one day doing it tot he enxt stop everything all at once n I did it wit eez. It just depends on how badly u want to quit, ur reason for quiting n what is gonna b motivating u. Is my case I wanted to quit cuz I was getting in lots of trouble but I also didnt cuz I was just having so much fun.
My reason of quitting was my g/f who I love so much but I wanted to make her happy n show her I wasnt a useless drug attic n I have control over it which I didnt cuz it was harder then I thought.But seeing my g/f b proud of me n being happy everyday was def worthe it. The best motivation of all time. I went through some crazy withdrawls nothing deadly just got cold n hot swets n blacked out once in a while n I was very edgy all the time I would get mad over the stupidist n littlest things. Honestly of course I wanted to just u no get high but I knew my g/f would b disappointed n it would b showing her I cant live wit out the caca. Well I just thought bout the reward of being clean. Only the 1st month was hard but I got through it it isnt bad being sober I actually like it...In order to achieve this goal of mine I new I had to make a great sacrafise which was dropping every single person who was associated with the caca which was every single friend of mine so I was down to no friends which I still ahve none well I kept just 1 so I had some 1 u no.She was my best friend for 1 yr (we did some crazy caca I will get into that on my next post of some caca I did). She only smoked pot n did some pills but she was my best friend n was considerate not to do the caca in front of me but she was alwayz high in front of me which didnt bother me in fact it gave a new perspective on ppl who did that caca cuz from my new perspective of being sober she looked like a dirtbag but I still loved her.But eventually ppl went to her house n they were all constantly doing drugs infront of me but it was e z to say no like I didnt have n e thought to wanting to do drugs at that point but later on it would get hard again the craving doesnt stay dormant forever every couple months I started to crave all the caca again I was just like I want to b high I been sober long enough ect... But I fought it n stayed clean but in all honesty I did medical answer up only once after being clean for 3 months I smoked a 10 bag of marijuana only once, which isnt bad from being high everyday for 3 yrs straight. N regreted it n didnt even like being high no more so from that point on I had no craving wat so ever n I been clean ever since. So the moral to this little story of me is it is possible n u dont need professional help u just need to really really want to quit n u have to b willing to make sacrafises n have a good motivation have a reason to quit but most of all n the hardest thing is to stay adhering

generalshafto7

replied on November 1st, 2005

New User

Adderal

Ok this is now bout adderal b4 it was my story how I broke my drug addiction so u all would no it is possible... Ok this is my out look on adderal I think no 1 should take it even if prscribed cuz wat it does is change who u really r the pill would b controlling u... As I said I dont have add or adhd but I use to do so much adderal u would never believe it...

I would go on benges for months at a time just get free adderal all the time form a friend who had many bottles of it cuz he never took them n just saved them for a long ass time. Well every day for like 3 months I would snort at least 10 10mg adderal( the blue ones that say 10 on them) all at once n the high would last me the whole day. I would have the most amazing body high(off of 100 mgs) I would feel so good n I would get really sensative like I would appreciate everything n everyone n at that point I could get cracked in the face n do nuttin about it I would just blow it off n b a pacifist. Nothing could ruin my high cuz no matter wat I was in a good mood.

But 100 mgs was the lowest I did at least 2 days a week I would get 30 10 mgs n I would do them all in 1 rail n then I would get an even better boyd high like 100x better n I would trip a little but some times I also got paranoid as hell of caca that made no sense like 1 time I was just rocking in the center of my room on the hard floor cuz I thought the tree by my window was like the tree form the polterguest n it was gonna break in my window n kill me.

I loved to do all the adderal I got addicted as hell I went on mutliple benges I would do it for 3 months every day then once in a while like roughly once a week n then I would go on benges again. It was fun but as I think of it now I think it is quite pathetic of me. But I loved it so much 1 day I intentinally missed the school bus n waited for this kid to go to his skool at 7 he gets picked up my skool got picked up at 6:45 well he lived 2 minutes aways so when he left I knew his mom goes out to meeting on thursday at 9:00 am so I waited for her to leave n I knew he kept his mom's window slightly open so we could steal her perks. Well so I got there approximatly 9:15 go in the house steal a almost full bottle of adderal wit 32 10 mgs of adderal I snorted all of them well agve 5 to a friend my best friend the 1 I said I kept in ym last post n we took a cab to school while I am sitting there tripping n high off 270 mgs of adderal. It was fun but that just an example of how addcited I was there is many more stories trust me but where I am trying to get at I to was very addicted to adderal everyday I would fiend for adderal n when I crushed them up n snorted them all I would go o where I snorted them n look for like 1 hr for n e little itty bitty piece I may have missed. Si ya that how bad I was but I got off of it pretty easily as I said u just need to want to. N u guys no how hard it is to stop doing adderal cuz of how addicting it is. So guys just stop doing it it is simple has that get a hobby or sumtin.

I hope u find the strength with in u to quit cuz u will end up killing urself on an overdose or just cuz u went crazy cuz of the adderal or u could just really medical answer up ur life. For me as I said I did more then just the adderal as u would read in ym last post I did everything. N my life was getting really medical answer up I went to a rehab/psychiatric hospital n my parents n my whole family no longer trusted me, all tho I never stole from my family cuz that is scummy as hell but they thought I did, I almost went to military skool n would lost my g/f who I no been wit for 1 yr 2 months. Would lost her for ever. I medical answer up skool big time I am 17 n am still a freshman (but I getting ged n going to college for marine biology) I grew so far a part from my family it suked n yet the still dont trust me which hey should but I can see where they r coming from but still I never stole form them...

Well to all of u I hope my stories help u realize the caca u getting urslef into n I hope u give it all up b4 u kill urself or medical answer up ur life or end up in jail..
I hope all of u find the strength to overcome this obstacle b/c as humans we ahve the strength to overcome everything... Good luck all

generalshafto7

replied on November 1st, 2005

New User

Adderal Ruining Life

I feel really bad for u nothingfits n paris, n janell n every 1 else. Trust me I feel ur pain I been there 2. Adderal just corrupts u n changes u in way u would never believe. I feel so bad cuz I no how it feels considering I been in the same boat. It sux I no I didnt get sepressed tho, but I got the anxiety it happened when I started thinking bout everything that was going on around me which there was a lot everythgn in my life seemed to b falling a part like I just wanted to die.. Wait I guess I was depressed lol idk how it feels to b depressed but I guess how I felt must have been depression. I think it happens cuz adderal makes u over think n maked u snappy n makes u grow apart from every 1 cuz all u seem to care about is getting ur adderal while u taking ur adderal wat running through ur mind b4 u even take it how can I get more. I no it sux. I have faithe in all of u tho n I believe u can overcome this horrid obstacle in life.

Ok 1 thing I just like to say I hate ppl who say drugs make u stupid ect... Cuz it doesnt I sry I just thought bout that cuz I was thinking bout old times telling u guys bout some things well ppl b like ur stupid u r a drugattic thinking ur not smart cuz u do drugs .. medical answer that caca I mean I guess it can but it doesnt mean all attics r stupid that is just so stereotypical damn ppl... I still smart as hell all tho dont take em spelling all the words rong I am just short handing it u no so I i get typing fast a spossible I just want to put the word out there so u no wat I am saying...

Again best of luck guys I b praying 4 u to all c the light n get better...
Dont mean this in a religious way

The Light

replied on November 2nd, 2005

New User

Adderal Addiction

I have had some experience with adderal. I went to my doctor for a prescription last year. And it was great for a few weeks. Then it controlled me. I could not function without it, and was depressed if I did not take it. I felt myself changing into a short tempered jerk, yelling at people I loved, fearing life as I know it. I stopped taking it after 2 months and was depressed and confused for over a month. I can honestly say of all the drugs I have taken, it is the quickest to take over. If you are taking it, get off and get on an anti-depressant for awhile. It is not easy, but adderal is nobody's friend.

DivineIntervention

replied on November 6th, 2005

New User

Drug addicts are percieved to be stupid because they fall into well known traps. Anytime someone repeats a well known mistake they are to be labeled 'stupid'. Really has nothing to do with intelligence its the lack of common sense and judgement. All the characteristics of a young adult. :d

sueper21

replied on November 15th, 2005

New User

Adderall Addiction?

I agree with divineintervention:

adderall is not a cure for anything it is prescribed for. It is a temporary fix much like taking tylenol for a headache.. It wont prevent future headaches. When adderall is prescribed I believe it is kinda meant to be taken forever. Is addiction the same thing as routinely taking a drug forever I have no ideal lol. Looks pretty damn similiar. Addicts are said not to be able to stop. If you have a add would you be able to just stop and be fine?

I have been on adderall since I was like 6 years old and right now I am 21 years old. I have been on ritalen, dexidrine, adderall, and now on adderall xr. I dont know if I was taken off or stopped adderall if I would be able to concentrate in class without it. I am so used to taking it I dont know if I would be an effective person without it. Yes I have overdosed by one or two pills then my normal dose but I felt like I was nto concentration enough so I took another pill. I dont know if that is right to do and I dont know if it really helps

43yearoldmom

replied on July 25th, 2006

New User

Adderall Story

Hello,

i know this topic hasn't been active for a while, but I searched for adderall and depression and found this. I hope someone is still out there reading this.

My story is so similar to the ones here. I went to my doctor about 1 year ago because I desperately wanted to lose weight. He suggested I take adderall. He said he'd had some success with some other patients. So I took him up on it and it was great for the first couple of months. I actually am taking amphetimine salts (a generic) I lost about 15 pounds. But after that, my appetite really wasn't suppressed anymore. I guess I built up an resistance to it. However, what I did find is that I loved how I felt when I took it. I began looking forward to taking the pill around noon each day. 20 mg. It gave me energy and I felt like I could accomplish anything. I felt happy all the time. Loved talking to people all that I could. It was just wonderful.

But then I noticed how moody I was when I wasn't taking it. I really wanted my prescription to last a long time, so I would stop taking it for a couple of days and only take one when I felt like I needed it. Like when I had a lot to do that day or would be out and about with other people. I noticed that people were saying to me "you don't seem like yourself lately". "are you going through 'the change!' -- which i'm not, etc. I guess I was more snippy and truly spoke my mind more when I wasn't on the medicine.

Over the past couple of months, I think i've developed mild depression. I always felt like I was very balanced in that department -- never got really stressed, felt sad, lethargic about life, etc, but now I can see it. I feel sad about everything. Issues with my daughter (who is 14 and has adhd - she takes strattera), financial worries, marriage issues, older children in college, parent issues, my weight problem, etc. I just feel hopeless about everything. So I was thinking about going to the doctor and telling him about my depression and asking for an anti-depressant and totally dropping the adderall. Do you think this will help me? I still love the way I feel when I take the adderall.... But it's not helping me to lose weight, that's for sure. I just like the way I feel so up and enthused about things. Also, why do you think it quit working in helping me to lose weight?

Thanks for any insight anyone can give me.

swimmerdude22

replied on October 20th, 2006

New User

Adderall Concerns

I know that this forum has not been active for a while. I was just recently prescribed adderall and I have been reading as much as possible about the drug, its side effects, and other pertinent information. One thing that I keep reading over and over is the apparent abuse problem that many people have experienced while on adderall. First off, my heart goes out to all of you on adderall who are abusing it. I have taken adderall before to study and now that I am prescribed adderall I want to make sure that I do not become addicted. I along with most of the other people who have posted here have experienced the 'high' that you get from taking adderall. My doctor told me that I would have a spike and a euphoric effect for the first hour or two but that it tends to subside. My question to everyone is this....What is the best way to regulate my use of adderall. I would not consider myself to be an addictive type of person but I know that I do like the way it makes me feel. The fact that I get an enhanced sense of well being put up red flags in my mind. Although I enjoy this feeling I want to make positive that I do not slip into a mode of abusing adderall. Does anyone have any suggestions for me about what is the best way to monitor myself while taking this drug. I am a 22 year old male and I weigh about 148 pounds. I already have an issue with eating on a regular basis and I do fret over my weight but this is not the reason why I am on this drug. My little brother was diagnosed with adhd at age 7 and I was diagnosed recently. I have extreme trouble sitting still and have many impulsive behaviors. I feel as though this drug might be a good choice but I can def. See how people say to steer away from it. If anyone has any suggestions for me I would appreciate it. I want to make sure that if I am going to use this drug that I use it correctly and don't develop some of these problems people have talked of. To be quite frank, these posts have really scared me. I think I am a strong willed person but do not want to fall victim to adderall and its effects. My doctor did not really give me a set dosage to take. She told me that I could skip days if I did not feel that I needed to take (the weekends mainly and days where I am less busy with school) which I have decided that I will do. I have a very high metabolism (5 10 and about 147) and thus I feel my body metabloizes this drug faster than some people. If I start to come down from the drug what would you suggest that I do and what would be a maximum amount that you would suggest to take in any given day keeping in mind I am 147 about and 5 10. Any advice would truly be appreciated. Thanks people and good luck to everyone!! Wink

psu454

replied on December 7th, 2006

New User

First of all there is no way of preventing addiction-i tried that no pills on weekends-only effect is I felt like caca I could do it but I didnt want to-and I also went a whole month over the summer without it which my tollerence did drop but I dont think it cuases addiction- you can stop when ever you want, you just wont have that energy and concentration that you learn to love/hate

ive been taking addy for 2 years now 30mg a day, theres good but with it brings so much bad..Some side effects can be controlled through hard work but overall you have to take the bad with the good..Bad-first coupel months you cant sleep it sucks laying in your bed tossing all night even though its supposed to ware off by late afternoon..Your apittatie goes crazy especially when you first start, but I still can go a whole day on almost no food and trust me being a guy it sucks when I have to force myself to eat so I can gain weight and hopefully not lose muscel..And then usually at 9 o clock at night I go crazy for food..You sweat more..You have more energy which is good, but with it you think harder, longer and cant let things go, so thats why I think it cuases deppression, I know it took away my personality of being a goof all the time to now being a loner...Once im done with college im done with the caca though, and I cant wait to not have to worry aobut it..Overall if u need it take it, but if u can avoid it then do it, im to focused on getting good grades to stop right now becuase it is a merical drug I just wish it had a switch I could turn off when I wasnt learning..(the smarter you are the more likely you are to being depressed- I learned that in psychology-and I know before adderal I was never depressed)
ps other side effects that are possible is hair loss-which I have experienced thining hair either from adderal or aging not balding though
ed is a side effect-happened once to me when I took triple my dose so im guessing the smaller does does effect it a little at least
headaches-and ireggular(rapid) heartbeat-again could be just me or adderall

itsrusty

replied on February 17th, 2007

New User

Yes It Does

I have found if I take to much, it will case depression for a couple of days. I should take 10 mg but there have been times in the past I would take as much as 30mg in a 12 hour time frame. I just told myself it was the adderall and it would go away.

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