Coerced Abortion

When my family discovered I was pregnant a few weeks ago, they ranted and raved and made me feel horrible until I gave into their decision. The ab father had suggested abortion, and never said otherwise...But only a few days after the abortion told me he did want the baby, and it turns out he was angry that I just packed my bags and decided to leave him (because I thought he didn't want the baby and didn't want to be with him anymore if he was going to let me go through something that I know I didn't want to)...So right now I am just plain angry, but am only trying to get over it so I can start a family again.

I know I am young (i don't know if my age is on my profile or not, but i'm not going to say it) but I know the main thing I want in life is to be a mother. I have had 2 miscarriages previously (1st from rape, 2nd from other boyfriend) and the 2nd one was at 16 weeks and the most painful thing I have ever experienced...And I told myself that with this baby, it would be different. I was healthy, would not let anyone smoke around me, had no alcohol, but to no avail. No relief came after my abortion, only intense emotional pain. All I want is my baby back.

Everytime I bring this up to my "ex" he gets angry and wants me to get over it. I think he feels guilty as well, and I hope more than anything we can work through this. He is being transferred to canada or oklahoma, and if I have to, I will go there.

I know not every woman feels like I do right now, but I just had to get that out. It's only been 1 week and 2 days since the abortion...And all I know is that it was a huge mistake. Not because women shouldn't have the right to do it, they most definitely should, but because it wasn't the right thing for me, no matter what my circumstances...


*katy*