Something Funny For the Day Hope It Doesnt Offend Anyone

Married and proliferating


she was married and had 9 children.

Her husband died and she remarried.

She had 5 more children with her second husband

after several years, her second husband died.

She remarried and this time had 3 more children.

Alas, she finally died.


Standing before her coffin, the preacher prayed for her.

He thanked the lord for this very loving woman and said, "lord, they're finally together."
one mourner leaned over and quietly asked her friend,
"do you think he means her first, second or third husband?"
the friend replied, "i think he means her legs."




lipstick in school -- priceless!!

According to a news report, a certain private school in washington recently was faced with a unique problem........ A number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints. Every night, the maintenance man would remove them and the next day, the girls would put them back. Finally the principal decided that something had to be done. She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night. To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required. He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it. Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror.

The moral of this story.. There are teachers, and then there are educators!






Subject: grandpa



a man came to visit his grandparents, and he noticed his grandfather sitting on the porch, in the rocking chair, wearing only a shirt, with nothing on from the waist down. "grandpa, what are you doing?" he exclaimed. "your weenie is out in the wind for everyone to see!" the old man looked off in the distance without answering.

"grandpa, what are you doing sitting out here with nothing on below the waist?" he asked again. The old man slowly looked at him and said, "well... Last week I sat out here with no shirt on, and I got a stiff neck. This is your grandmother's idea."




1. Her diary

saturday night I thought he was acting weird. We had made plans to
meet at a bar to have a drink. I was shopping with my friends all day
long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late,
but he made no comment. Conversation wasn't flowing so I suggested
that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed but he kept
quiet and absent. I asked him what was wrong; he said nothing. I
asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said it had
nothing to do with me and not to worry. On the way home I told him
that I loved him, he simply smiled and kept driving. I can't explain
his behavior; I don't know why he didn't say I love you too. When we
got home I felt as if I had lost him, as if he wanted nothing to do
with me anymore. He just sat there and watched t.V. He seemed distant
and absent. Finally, I decided to go to bed. About 10 minutes later
he came to bed, and to my surprise he responded to my caress and we
made love, but I still felt that he was distracted and his thoughts
were somewhere else. He fell asleep - I cried. I don't know what to
do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life
is a disaster.



2. His diary

today the yankees lost, but at least I got laid.





This is old but still funny

sunday morning sex:

>>upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, katie
>>went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95 year old
>>grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had
>>died,her grandmother replied, "he had a heart attack while we were
>>making love on sunday morning."
> >
>>horrified, katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old
>>having sex would surely be asking for trouble. "oh no, my dear," replied
>>granny. "many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out
>>the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It
>>was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even.
>>nothing too strenuous, simply in on the ding and out on the dong."
> >
>>she paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, "he'd still be alive if
>>the ice cream truck hadn't come along."