My wife has had tmj for several years and it has never really impacted on her ability to perform oral sex. In february I got a vasectomy and our sex life has never been better.
My wife's skills in giving oral sex have improved greatly since then and she does take it all in (omg). Recently her tmj has gotten more severe. She even got an mri which confirmed that she was having a flair-up and there was potentially some degenerative condition present.
Does anyone know if there is a cause and effect relationship here? Should I be feeling guilty about making her tmj worse? Is there hope?
Hello--i also have tmj, and do enjoy performing oral sex on my husband. I can't answer your question from any reading material or from any medical professional's opinion, only my own. When we go on a sex spurt and if I perform oral sex often in a short time frame, I do notice more pain, with difficulties even eating and swallowing. Must be related I think.
She wouldn't do it if she didn't want to...Don't feel bad. I have tmj and love pleasing my man (and he's a big man) so I do it because I want to...Although I have tmj "ache" later....Believe me, she does it because she loves you and she wants to....Let her decided whether to continue or not...(believe me she will continue)
i noticed that, so far, two women have responded to your post. Both of them mentioned that they noticed an increase in tmj pain after giving oral sex to their male partners.
I think that the three posts before mine say a lot: three women seem to be willing to endure pain for the sake of their husbands' pleasure. My question is: is it worth it, when there are so many satisfying sexual methods and appliances that are available?
I don't think that you should feel guilty for what price your wife may pay to help you to feel good. The question for me, were I to be in your position, would be: how could I feel good about my wife suffering in the act and/or suffering afterwards? ... I couldn't feel good about it at all, especially if my wife's tmj condition has become, in her doctor's eyes, "more severe."
don't feel guilty. Just give her some other opportunities. It sounds like both of you really care about each other. Let her know that you are as concerned about her future pain as much as you are about your own pleasure.
Dear Bummed Out,
I have been suffering with severe TMJ syndrome for over 17 yrs now. I have a wonderful and loving husband. At first I tried very hard to please him orally. It eventually became too much pain. It streaches the damaged areas, which in turns inflames them. It also is putting too much stess on the TMJ joint. There are so many diferent ways to have a loving sex relationship and if you truly love your wife, don't take any changes on making her TMJ worse. Even if she says it's okay. Both of you be smart. Try to heal the TMJ first, if possible. If not possible, then look for alternatives. This will show your wife that you care and love her enough to give that up for her to not suffer. Just like when she did it to let you know she loved you that much that she would endure the extra pain. I hope you understand. But don't feel guilty. Be her partner in her healing processes. In the long run you both will be much happier. GOOD LUCK TO BOTH OF YOU!!!
I am 22 and have had TMJ problems for as long as I can remember. I recently had a arthrocentesis (lysis and lavage). It revealed that my joint looks like that of a 60-yr old's.
There is really no sure way to tell how bad a TMJ joint is until a surgeon can go in and look at it. All of my xrays from the orthodontist showed nothing wrong. My MRI only showed displacement, when the disc thurned out to be split in two.
If it hurts her, I would not pressure her in any way.I would actually be the one to suggest alternatives for her.
I also like to do it for my boyfriend. Since we are not married, we do not have sex and find that to be the best alternative for him. Now, I can't even fit a sandwich in my mouth, or pleasure him in that way.
That joint is used so much and has so much pressure put on it daily, don't add to it. Even if she loves to do it for you, her health should be the most important thing.
I have this problem also. I love my finance very much and occasionally give it another try, but inevitably it makes my jaw worse. The pain goes away eventually but I am worried that every time I do something that makes it worse (including eating a big sand wich) that I am making it permanently worse. My dentist gave me a$300 bite plate which did nothing but cause me to chew on it compulsively in my sleep. Later I found out this method would only work if the cause was grinding your teeth and mine is almost certainly from when I had my wisdom teeth out. For now I just try to avoid things like oral sex and my partner is more than understanding about this. If I knew for sure that when I do this it isn't going to cause permanent damage, then I wouldn't mind once in a while. Your wife might do it willingly as I did (and occasionally still do) but she might be harming herself further. I think there is a very clear connection. I'd discuss it with her and be cautious. Without getting into too many details, there might be a way she could use both her mouth and hand, but more the hand. I've had some success with this but still hurt my jaw sometimes.
My wife, and a few of my friends wives, has issues regarding TMJ. My wife can no longer perform oral sex. We have been married over 20 years, and I think she is either cheating on me, or I just gross her out. It NEVER interfers with anything but oral sex (her giving it to me). She can eat like a horse, and she talks non-stop with no problems, EVER. What bothers me the most, is she is not being honest with me.
Your wife has tmj.. and you been married for over 20 years? Do you really think she is cheating on you? come on. You can eat like a horse and have tmj. If you can fit it into your mouth. Yes your jaw will hurt like crap from all the chewing but its food. lol.. How is she not being honest with you? Food and talking is way def than sticking a dick in your mouth that cant be chewed up!
You obviously don't think your wife's TMJ is severe enough to prohibit her from satisfying you orally. You also seem to believe that your wife is sharing the intimacy of oral sex with another man and she is being faithful to this other man by not giving you the intimacy of oral sex that she gives to him. Yet you continue to give her oral sex which is causing you some consternation. Only she can know the full extent of her TMJ pain. You couldn't possibly know how much pain she is feeling. You owe it to her to believe her, unless she is lied to you in the past. There must be other things happening in and out of bed that are causing you to think she is cheating. Is there a specific individual you think she might be cheating with? Are men contacting her on the Internet for calling her on her cell phone? If there is other circumstantial evidence that corroborates your feelings about the situation, you should tell her how you feel. If there isn't any corroborating evidence you shouldn't ask her. Either way you should talk to her about how you feel.
Today I had my first visit with a new physical therapist for my TMJ. She ran down the list of behaviors to avoid and blurted out "If you and your husband engage in oral sex, I would strongly advise against it. It is one of the worst things for your jaw". My husband and I very much enjoy oral sex. We have only been married nearly two years. It kills me that I am told I can no longer pleasure him in this way. He enjoys it so much and so do I. I am torn between putting up with the pain and ignoring the PT's advise, or, telling him no more oral, at least for now. My PT said to avoid it forever. I'm sure he will be supportive but I enjoy pleasuring him in this way, almost more than I enjoy receiving. Just looking for support while I decide what to do.
It is recommended that you stop deep throating. Keep his penis right at the front of your mouth. Use your hand as an extension of your mouth. Make sure your hand is well lubricated, clamp it around his penis against your mouth. Move your mouth and hand as a unit. It will provide the same feeling of heat and wetness. When he gets close to orgasm, you can move your hand at a different pace than your mouth. Or you can provide suction on is head while bringing him to orgasm with your hand. The experience will be close to full oral sex for him.
There are also many things you can do with your hands. So explore using your hands more.
Ultimately you will both enjoy sex more if you do not do something that causes you pain.
In response to bummed out posting,
I believe there is a cause and effect of oral sex injuring a lady's jaw joints. Can't say for sure about your wife, but it could very well be. I state this because I have experienced it by "taking it all in". After a session of this type of activity, I got clicking and popping of jaw joint on one side along with head and neck pain. It took a long time for pain to subside and the clicking and popping remained. Several years later the jaw was further stressed during a dental procedure. That was the "straw that broke the camel's back." I have not been the same person since. I have been living with this dysfunction for 37 years.I did seek treatment, but dentists were doing unproven procedures at that time (during the 1980's). Some procedures did not work and some caused more problems. Medical doctors were not educated about jaw joint dysfunction. So, take care and make some choices. Find alternative ways to do sex if needed.