I am a second year college student and
have been on some form of medication for
add since I was in the third grade (twelve
years). I have been on the new adderall
xr (30 mg) twelve hour release since it
first came out, so all in all about three
years. I take one once every morning,
and have now come to grips with the fact
that I will never get off of this
extremely addictive drug. Even with the
nasty side effects my doctor says I am not
supposed to get off of the drug. It has
taken over my life and without it I cannot
function, or even get out of bed for that
matter. I have come to the point where I
never, and I mean never, sleep. Not even
prescriptions for sleeping pills have
helped me to sleep. I have constant mood
swings, anxiety, and depression. My
eating habits are taking a brutal effect
on my body. I hardly ever eat and have
found myself constantly obsessing about my
weight. With my severe loss of appetite,
I feel multiple times as guilty for the
times that I do eat, which only perpetuate
the viscious mood swings. My body is in
such a horrible state of stress that I am
tormented with muscle twitching day and
night. I resort to alcohol to calm me
down and "solve" my problems with the
drug, but it has gotten out of hand. I
know consciously that all these things i'm
feeling and going through are bad, but the
source is the adderall, and without the
adderall I am dead to the world. I used
to think that starvation was a problem,
but at this point it's miniscule to what
has become of my body and personality. I
wish I could think like a person without
add. I wish I could sleep, eat, relax,
and be happy, but these are the
consequences of my addiction to adderall
that is clinically considered to be a part
of living life with this disorder. If
anyone can relate to the effects of this
drug, I would be curious to know your
experience with it.
|
Forum Girl
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 Oct 2003 Posts: 207 Location: Orlando, Florida
Posted: 11-18-04 21:52pm
I am not all that familiar with adderall
(except for the horror stories i've heard)
but I do know that it is extremely
addictive, has horrible side effects and
can destroy lives. I truly think it
would be in your best interest to find a
doctor you are comfortable with and who
understands what is happening to you. I
think it is vital that you have a doctor's
supervision as you begin to fight the
addiction. I would also suggest you look
for some form of support group. Find
people in similar situations who can give
you advice and help you through the tough
times to come. I did a little cursory
internet research and found a few
websites:
good luck to you - I know you have a long
difficult road ahead of you but I wish you
luck.
|
krispy011
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 27 Jun 2004 Posts: 13 Location: Pennsylvania
Posted: 11-23-04 05:58am
I'm really glad I came upon this topic
because I can relate to you and I can say
so much. I know lots of people going
through the same thing you described.
Adderall is the root of all evil, it
seems, because no matter how much it
affects your life you can't escape it. It
locks away your true personality and gives
you this false sense being alive. The
poor man's coke and the easiest drug to
attain through a psychiatrist as long as
you claim to have add.
Just know that what you are going through
is not that rare; these help websites that
you read of, or any ad, or any helpline
that thinks they know exactly what your
mental and pyschical beings are going
through won't help you with caca. Whoever
your psychiatrist is needs to be expelled
from their profession because they are
wrong: the life-altering (potentially
life-threatening) side effects you are
experiencing from adderall are not a part
of just simply living life with attention
deficit disorder...Realistically it's a
part of you choosing to live life
dependent on an amphetamine, and like any
other stimulant the obsessive body image,
the insomnia, and the constant stress or
anxiousness come with the territory of
being an addict. Did you know that
adderall hasn't even been around long
enough for it to be evaluated in the
long-term process?
Stop listening to your psych! Listen to
your heart. You said it yourself you want
to be happy again. But you won't get any
real help from anybody but yourself. What
you are putting your body through by not
eating much for long periods of time is
causing your metabolism to burn a fuse and
slow down, so when you finally do eat
again you're stomach won't disgest food as
quickly as it used to, sometimes resulting
in constipation. Do not feel guilty about
eating because we all must do it. Just
stick to healthy things that will come
right out of you anyway...And exercise is
key. And did you know that tourette's
syndrome is a side effect of adderall?
Point being that this is a disorder on its
own that causes uncontrollable tics of the
muscles.
In conclusion, the help and motivation you
need to feel yourself should come from
you, because your psych probably hasn't
experienced first hand your state of
addiction. If getting in touch with the
real you again means being unfocused
during tasks and every day activities are
unorganized, then so be it. Nothing is
worth it.
I have so many stories and much more I can
tell you; this is just the beginning.
Just touching base with you because I know
how much it sucks to be alone in this.
Good luck and keep in touch.
-k
|
krispy011
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 27 Jun 2004 Posts: 13 Location: Pennsylvania
Posted: 11-23-04 05:58am
I'm really glad I came upon this topic
because I can relate to you and I can say
so much. I know lots of people going
through the same thing you described.
Adderall is the root of all evil, it
seems, because no matter how much it
affects your life you can't escape it. It
locks away your true personality and gives
you this false sense being alive. The
poor man's coke and the easiest drug to
attain through a psychiatrist as long as
you claim to have add.
Just know that what you are going through
is not that rare; these help websites that
you read of, or any ad, or any helpline
that thinks they know exactly what your
mental and pyschical beings are going
through won't help you with caca. Whoever
your psychiatrist is needs to be expelled
from their profession because they are
wrong: the life-altering (potentially
life-threatening) side effects you are
experiencing from adderall are not a part
of just simply living life with attention
deficit disorder...Realistically it's a
part of you choosing to live life
dependent on an amphetamine, and like any
other stimulant the obsessive body image,
the insomnia, and the constant stress or
anxiousness come with the territory of
being an addict. Did you know that
adderall hasn't even been around long
enough for it to be evaluated in the
long-term process?
Stop listening to your psych! Listen to
your heart. You said it yourself you want
to be happy again. But you won't get any
real help from anybody but yourself. What
you are putting your body through by not
eating much for long periods of time is
causing your metabolism to burn a fuse and
slow down, so when you finally do eat
again you're stomach won't disgest food as
quickly as it used to, sometimes resulting
in constipation. Do not feel guilty about
eating because we all must do it. Just
stick to healthy things that will come
right out of you anyway...And exercise is
key. And did you know that tourette's
syndrome is a side effect of adderall?
Point being that this is a disorder on its
own that causes uncontrollable tics of the
muscles.
In conclusion, the help and motivation you
need to feel yourself should come from
you, because your psych probably hasn't
experienced first hand your state of
addiction. If getting in touch with the
real you again means being unfocused
during tasks and every day activities are
unorganized, then so be it. Nothing is
worth it.
I have so many stories and much more I can
tell you; this is just the beginning.
Just touching base with you because I know
how much it sucks to be alone in this.
Good luck and keep in touch.
-k
|
krispy011
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 27 Jun 2004 Posts: 13 Location: Pennsylvania
Posted: 11-23-04 05:59am
Sorry for the double take
|
OutsideSizes
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 28 Nov 2004 Posts: 22 Location: NYC
I Am In the Same Boat Posted: 11-28-04 09:34am
Hey sheabay.
I completely empathize with your
situation. I started taking adderall b/c
of crazy stress and pressure at my school
(im at nyu biz school). I felt different
from all these other kids who wanted to be
there and learn about business and I felt
stupif every single day and suffered
horribly my first 3 yrs b/c of this
inadequacy. I would find any reason to
not do my work, even dumb reasons like
sorting old papers or reading old birthday
cards. I would cry and hate myself and
wake up every morning with a feeling of
dread and shame. I went from a 3.85 gpa
my first semester to a 2.8 at the end of
junior year. Why me? Why can't I just
sit myself down, open my textbook, and do
my work like everyone else?
I realized I had a serious problem of
motivation and the more research I did on
add the more the symptoms sounded like me.
But I had come this far so I had to suck
it up and get the damn diploma b/c it was
the only thing I had to show for myself,
even though I won't be proud or happy when
I get it. So this year I decided to do
something about it. (i am not mentioning
all the other insane problems and stresses
I have b/c it would take too long, but
school wasn't the only thing).
The first day of school my cousin offered
me a little blue pill and said it was
called adderall. She said it was an easy
pass to motivate yourself to study. I
popped it and ten minutes later-
whoooooosh!!!! I was dying to read- it
was amazing. I began pulling
all-nighters pretty much every night
before class and sleeping during the days
I didn't have school. I felt so proud of
myself, I could finally keep up with the
other kids. I stopped dreading school so
much- I still hated it, but I didn't feel
so much like a loser. But that changed
fast.
Soon the 10mgs weren't cutting it- even 3
a night couldnt keep me up. I started
taking 20 xrs when I could get a hold of
them. Then I began getting irritated and
tired. I couldnt even imagine taking the
subway into school b/c of all the people
and pressure...I wanted privacy, I needed
space, I felt ugly and jaded. I began
losing weight without noticing. My
friends kept asking me if I was sick, but
I had no idea what they meant- I still
looked the same in the mirror. After
about two months on addy I had lost 20
lbs. I realized I was forgetting to eat.
I was always used to being slightly
overweight so I didn't even notice myself
getting smaller until none of my clothes
fit and I had to borrow my 11 yr old
sister's jeans. A 21 yr old senior in
college wearing an 11 yr old's clothes.
Then came the fiegning. If there was a
day I couldn't buy adderall from a dealer
or a friend, I would turn into a maniac.
I would cry them scream then punch
pillows, I lost it. It was all I could
think about and all I could talk about.
I didn't care about anything anymore
except getting it. I didnt care how much
it would cost or how far I had to drive- I
felt like I would die without it. I
didn't want to go to a doctor and get
prescribed b/c I am under my father's
insurance plan and I would have rather
died than disappoint him like this. So I
suffered like a street junkie, day to
day...Trying to score addy then run home
and study. Thats all I wanted- me and my
addy and my books.
When I couldnt get the adderoll I would
snort coke. I wasn't crazy about it, I
just wanted my pills, but I had to stay
awake and study. The crashing and the
nosebleeds were incidental- it became a
need to put a substance of some sort in my
body. It had to be an upper- caffiene
pills no longer worked, so I bought strong
diet pills that were supposed to have
similar effects to addy...But they only
made me sick. I had no weight to lose.
Next the anxiety hit. I could handle the
mood swings, the loss of interest in
everything and everyone else, the
insomnia, the anorexia- but not the
anxiety. It wasn't the "weed" kind of
anxiety. I couldn't explain it, it came
out of nowhere and for a minute I was
absolutely consumed in fear.
It would not only hit when the addy was
fading, but also the next day after an
all-nighter. I was paranoid and scared-
of nothing.
This week has been my lowest point. I
realized and admitted that I was
officially depressed. I had no adderall.
I had finished my supply of 15 pills
(10mgs) in 2 days. The first two days
clean my appetite skyrocketed and I
shoveled food in my mouth and then made
myself puke it up, partly because my
stomach literally couldn't handle it, but
mostly b/c I was petrified of gaining back
the weight.
The next day I had to do work and suppress
that appetite, so I snorted coke. I
snorted right through thanksgiving and
crashed worse than ever before. Friday I
ate a ton of diet pills to keep my
appetite down, then went out at night,
drank a bottle of wine and puked into
yesterday morning. Mybody was
convulsing, the anxiety was horrendous,
and I didn't know who to turn to.
Yesterday I woke up on the couch and did
not move for 12 hours. I watched tv and
sobbed. I felt pathetic and stupid and
angry at myself. I felt more inadequate
and more like a loser than ever. Because
I lost the last inkling of strength and
character I had. My best friend called
me and we cried on the phone together for
3 hours. When my cousin called and said
she had a present for me (8 addies) that
was when I was able to lift myself from
the couch. I felt safer. I waited for
her to bring them anxiously.
Then my other friend came over and got me
in contact with the nyu counseling
service. Even though I am embarassed to
go and break down in front of a total
stranger- I think I need that. I need to
look foward to that. Even though I am on
adderall right now, I feel like I have a
plan. I have a way out.
Sheabay: I may not have all the extreme
side effects you experience, but I really
understand how hard it is and no one can
say "why cant u just do it? You're not
stupid! Just make yourself." no one
will ever understand how hopeless and
tiring and lonely it is until they
experience it. For someone with add, it
is a curse with or without the addy.
Either way we feel out of control and
pathetic and stupid and different. But
its ok. Because I have hope left that I
will be ok, and that you will be ok. You
can quit. You can quit cold turkey. So
ok, so maybe you'll have withdrawl for a
week...Maybe you'll cry and scream and
zombie out- but it will pass. It will
pass b/c it has to. If a heroin junkie
can quit cold turkey so can you and so can
i. Wait for winter break...Give yourself
time to detox. I am here if you want to
talk. Don't you dare give up on
yourself. Think of your parents. Think
of your future family. Don't you want to
be healthy for your kids? Its never
late. Never.
Good luck,
keep posting progress
|
JENNIFER7188
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 08 May 2008 Posts: 9
hey all you ignorant haters.... heres something for ya. Posted: 05-08-08 17:54pm
I'm sick of hearing and reading about what
people are saying about adderall. SHUT THE
FRIK UP all of you! its a prescription
medication for psychological disorders.
its not some rave drug. gah daing. just
because youve heard of "few" people
abusing it and going off the top with it
doesnt mean thats what it's purpose is!
jeez! a medication is a medication, its
not anyone's business except the
prescribed person's. im serious, ive taken
this med for years, i havent experienced
any of the crud you guys are saying about
it, all of the med bashing yall are doing
is mainly out of spite and really bad
assumptions and it kind of sounds like
maybe yall have some kind of hypochondriac
issues towards certain meds. every type of
med has some media hype on it. adderall
has a lot because its a class II
controlled substance, big freeking deal.
if schitzophrenia or diabetes or arthritis
medications had CII written on its label
they would probably have the same med
bashing hype like adderall does, but it
doesnt mean the meds are bad, its just
that people are very negative and like to
'hate' on things they dont know too much
about. stop hating and bashing these
medications. just because the word
amphetamine has a very miniscule
irrelevant background and/or history does
not mean anything, adderall is ONLY
derived from amphetamines.. its not meth
and its not something to get high off of
and it doesnt destroy everyone's life. so
shut up and if you want to bash on
something how about you get all the facts
and stop blurting out your useless
opinions and stop trying to "scare"
everyone.
|
krispy011
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 27 Jun 2004 Posts: 13 Location: Pennsylvania
Re: hey all you ignorant haters.... heres something for ya. Posted: 05-17-08 00:04am
Jennifer,
I doubt anyone here actually thinks that
adderall’s medicinal purpose is for
substance abuse. (I’m gonna use the
brand name to refer to the drug as a
whole, whether it be generic or XR,
whatever.) Although adderall is a
‘controlled’ substance and “not some
rave drug”, it is largely
over-prescribed and misused in this
country. Call it a medication, call it
what you will, despite its medical purpose
the truth is that it is used as a
recreational drug, just like oxycontin or
zanax, and they are just as legal as
alcohol and cigarettes. Fortunately for
you, you do not feel harmful side effects
from adderall, but you don’t speak for
the people who have experienced how
detrimental it can be to one’s health,
and who struggle with the addiction and
dependency (just like a pack of smokes or
booze). The only “bad assumption”
that’s been made is you assuming how
ridiculous all the “people” are that
you think you can speak for.
There have been adderall related deaths in
the past; I believe it was originally
prescribed to aid in weight loss; it was
banned for some time in Canada (not sure
if it still is or not); and the short-term
side effects are so ludicrous that I can
only wonder what the long-term side
effects of adderall usage are going to be
in the future, seeing as how nobody can be
quite certain yet. Let me know in another
20 years though. It could just be a hunch
of mine…but I think that amphetamine is
only a few chemical tweaks away from being
methamphetamine.
It’s only natural for someone to dislike
or hate a particular thing that has
created unhappiness in their life, right?
Some have a reason to be a negative hater
toward this medication that you are so
clear and adamant about protecting. People
are here to get help…not to be lashed
out on by some angry, stubborn, naïve
pessimist who knows nothing about them.
Adderall IS used by certain people to get
high, it has good potential to destroy
lives, and not everybody calls it their
best friend. Channel your frustration into
something that’s beneficial and selfless
instead. Until YOU know what you are
talking about and have been selected by
the mass to be the voice of experience and
judgment, you should just stay put on the
fence.
JENNIFER7188
wrote:
I'm sick of hearing and
reading about what people are saying about
adderall. SHUT THE FRIK UP all of you! its
a prescription medication for
psychological disorders. its not some rave
drug. gah daing. just because youve heard
of "few" people abusing it and going off
the top with it doesnt mean thats what
it's purpose is! jeez! a medication is a
medication, its not anyone's business
except the prescribed person's. im
serious, ive taken this med for years, i
havent experienced any of the crud you
guys are saying about it, all of the med
bashing yall are doing is mainly out of
spite and really bad assumptions and it
kind of sounds like maybe yall have some
kind of hypochondriac issues towards
certain meds. every type of med has some
media hype on it. adderall has a lot
because its a class II controlled
substance, big freeking deal. if
schitzophrenia or diabetes or arthritis
medications had CII written on its label
they would probably have the same med
bashing hype like adderall does, but it
doesnt mean the meds are bad, its just
that people are very negative and like to
'hate' on things they dont know too much
about. stop hating and bashing these
medications. just because the word
amphetamine has a very miniscule
irrelevant background and/or history does
not mean anything, adderall is ONLY
derived from amphetamines.. its not meth
and its not something to get high off of
and it doesnt destroy everyone's life. so
shut up and if you want to bash on
something how about you get all the facts
and stop blurting out your useless
opinions and stop trying to "scare"
everyone.
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