I am not all that familiar with adderall (except for the horror stories i've heard) but I do know that it is extremely addictive, has horrible side effects and can destroy lives. I truly think it would be in your best interest to find a doctor you are comfortable with and who understands what is happening to you. I think it is vital that you have a doctor's supervision as you begin to fight the addiction. I would also suggest you look for some form of support group. Find people in similar situations who can give you advice and help you through the tough times to come. I did a little cursory internet research and found a few websites:

http://www.Teenswithproblems.Com/adderall_ addict.Html

http://www.Erowid.Org/experiences/subs/exp _amphetamines.Shtml#addiction_&_habitu ation

http://health.Discovery.Com/encyclopedias/ 2794.Html

http://www.Addforums.Com/forums/forumdispl ay.Php?S=76b4393cf981c1a2c60b8d3506915654& amp;forumid=78

good luck to you - I know you have a long difficult road ahead of you but I wish you luck.

I'm really glad I came upon this topic because I can relate to you and I can say so much. I know lots of people going through the same thing you described. Adderall is the root of all evil, it seems, because no matter how much it affects your life you can't escape it. It locks away your true personality and gives you this false sense being alive. The poor man's coke and the easiest drug to attain through a psychiatrist as long as you claim to have add.

Just know that what you are going through is not that rare; these help websites that you read of, or any ad, or any helpline that thinks they know exactly what your mental and pyschical beings are going through won't help you with caca. Whoever your psychiatrist is needs to be expelled from their profession because they are wrong: the life-altering (potentially life-threatening) side effects you are experiencing from adderall are not a part of just simply living life with attention deficit disorder...Realistically it's a part of you choosing to live life dependent on an amphetamine, and like any other stimulant the obsessive body image, the insomnia, and the constant stress or anxiousness come with the territory of being an addict. Did you know that adderall hasn't even been around long enough for it to be evaluated in the long-term process?

Stop listening to your psych! Listen to your heart. You said it yourself you want to be happy again. But you won't get any real help from anybody but yourself. What you are putting your body through by not eating much for long periods of time is causing your metabolism to burn a fuse and slow down, so when you finally do eat again you're stomach won't disgest food as quickly as it used to, sometimes resulting in constipation. Do not feel guilty about eating because we all must do it. Just stick to healthy things that will come right out of you anyway...And exercise is key. And did you know that tourette's syndrome is a side effect of adderall? Point being that this is a disorder on its own that causes uncontrollable tics of the muscles.

In conclusion, the help and motivation you need to feel yourself should come from you, because your psych probably hasn't experienced first hand your state of addiction. If getting in touch with the real you again means being unfocused during tasks and every day activities are unorganized, then so be it. Nothing is worth it.

I have so many stories and much more I can tell you; this is just the beginning. Just touching base with you because I know how much it sucks to be alone in this. Good luck and keep in touch.

-k

I'm really glad I came upon this topic because I can relate to you and I can say so much. I know lots of people going through the same thing you described. Adderall is the root of all evil, it seems, because no matter how much it affects your life you can't escape it. It locks away your true personality and gives you this false sense being alive. The poor man's coke and the easiest drug to attain through a psychiatrist as long as you claim to have add.

Just know that what you are going through is not that rare; these help websites that you read of, or any ad, or any helpline that thinks they know exactly what your mental and pyschical beings are going through won't help you with caca. Whoever your psychiatrist is needs to be expelled from their profession because they are wrong: the life-altering (potentially life-threatening) side effects you are experiencing from adderall are not a part of just simply living life with attention deficit disorder...Realistically it's a part of you choosing to live life dependent on an amphetamine, and like any other stimulant the obsessive body image, the insomnia, and the constant stress or anxiousness come with the territory of being an addict. Did you know that adderall hasn't even been around long enough for it to be evaluated in the long-term process?

Stop listening to your psych! Listen to your heart. You said it yourself you want to be happy again. But you won't get any real help from anybody but yourself. What you are putting your body through by not eating much for long periods of time is causing your metabolism to burn a fuse and slow down, so when you finally do eat again you're stomach won't disgest food as quickly as it used to, sometimes resulting in constipation. Do not feel guilty about eating because we all must do it. Just stick to healthy things that will come right out of you anyway...And exercise is key. And did you know that tourette's syndrome is a side effect of adderall? Point being that this is a disorder on its own that causes uncontrollable tics of the muscles.

In conclusion, the help and motivation you need to feel yourself should come from you, because your psych probably hasn't experienced first hand your state of addiction. If getting in touch with the real you again means being unfocused during tasks and every day activities are unorganized, then so be it. Nothing is worth it.

I have so many stories and much more I can tell you; this is just the beginning. Just touching base with you because I know how much it sucks to be alone in this. Good luck and keep in touch.

-k

Sorry for the double take

Hey sheabay.

I completely empathize with your situation. I started taking adderall b/c of crazy stress and pressure at my school (im at nyu biz school). I felt different from all these other kids who wanted to be there and learn about business and I felt stupif every single day and suffered horribly my first 3 yrs b/c of this inadequacy. I would find any reason to not do my work, even dumb reasons like sorting old papers or reading old birthday cards. I would cry and hate myself and wake up every morning with a feeling of dread and shame. I went from a 3.85 gpa my first semester to a 2.8 at the end of junior year. Why me? Why can't I just sit myself down, open my textbook, and do my work like everyone else?

I realized I had a serious problem of motivation and the more research I did on add the more the symptoms sounded like me. But I had come this far so I had to suck it up and get the damn diploma b/c it was the only thing I had to show for myself, even though I won't be proud or happy when I get it. So this year I decided to do something about it. (i am not mentioning all the other insane problems and stresses I have b/c it would take too long, but school wasn't the only thing).

The first day of school my cousin offered me a little blue pill and said it was called adderall. She said it was an easy pass to motivate yourself to study. I popped it and ten minutes later- whoooooosh!!!! I was dying to read- it was amazing. I began pulling all-nighters pretty much every night before class and sleeping during the days I didn't have school. I felt so proud of myself, I could finally keep up with the other kids. I stopped dreading school so much- I still hated it, but I didn't feel so much like a loser. But that changed fast.

Soon the 10mgs weren't cutting it- even 3 a night couldnt keep me up. I started taking 20 xrs when I could get a hold of them. Then I began getting irritated and tired. I couldnt even imagine taking the subway into school b/c of all the people and pressure...I wanted privacy, I needed space, I felt ugly and jaded. I began losing weight without noticing. My friends kept asking me if I was sick, but I had no idea what they meant- I still looked the same in the mirror. After about two months on addy I had lost 20 lbs. I realized I was forgetting to eat. I was always used to being slightly overweight so I didn't even notice myself getting smaller until none of my clothes fit and I had to borrow my 11 yr old sister's jeans. A 21 yr old senior in college wearing an 11 yr old's clothes.

Then came the fiegning. If there was a day I couldn't buy adderall from a dealer or a friend, I would turn into a maniac. I would cry them scream then punch pillows, I lost it. It was all I could think about and all I could talk about. I didn't care about anything anymore except getting it. I didnt care how much it would cost or how far I had to drive- I felt like I would die without it. I didn't want to go to a doctor and get prescribed b/c I am under my father's insurance plan and I would have rather died than disappoint him like this. So I suffered like a street junkie, day to day...Trying to score addy then run home and study. Thats all I wanted- me and my addy and my books.

When I couldnt get the adderoll I would snort coke. I wasn't crazy about it, I just wanted my pills, but I had to stay awake and study. The crashing and the nosebleeds were incidental- it became a need to put a substance of some sort in my body. It had to be an upper- caffiene pills no longer worked, so I bought strong diet pills that were supposed to have similar effects to addy...But they only made me sick. I had no weight to lose.

Next the anxiety hit. I could handle the mood swings, the loss of interest in everything and everyone else, the insomnia, the anorexia- but not the anxiety. It wasn't the "weed" kind of anxiety. I couldn't explain it, it came out of nowhere and for a minute I was absolutely consumed in fear.
It would not only hit when the addy was fading, but also the next day after an all-nighter. I was paranoid and scared- of nothing.

This week has been my lowest point. I realized and admitted that I was officially depressed. I had no adderall. I had finished my supply of 15 pills (10mgs) in 2 days. The first two days clean my appetite skyrocketed and I shoveled food in my mouth and then made myself puke it up, partly because my stomach literally couldn't handle it, but mostly b/c I was petrified of gaining back the weight.

The next day I had to do work and suppress that appetite, so I snorted coke. I snorted right through thanksgiving and crashed worse than ever before. Friday I ate a ton of diet pills to keep my appetite down, then went out at night, drank a bottle of wine and puked into yesterday morning. Mybody was convulsing, the anxiety was horrendous, and I didn't know who to turn to.

Yesterday I woke up on the couch and did not move for 12 hours. I watched tv and sobbed. I felt pathetic and stupid and angry at myself. I felt more inadequate and more like a loser than ever. Because I lost the last inkling of strength and character I had. My best friend called me and we cried on the phone together for 3 hours. When my cousin called and said she had a present for me (8 addies) that was when I was able to lift myself from the couch. I felt safer. I waited for her to bring them anxiously.

Then my other friend came over and got me in contact with the nyu counseling service. Even though I am embarassed to go and break down in front of a total stranger- I think I need that. I need to look foward to that. Even though I am on adderall right now, I feel like I have a plan. I have a way out.

Sheabay: I may not have all the extreme side effects you experience, but I really understand how hard it is and no one can say "why cant u just do it? You're not stupid! Just make yourself." no one will ever understand how hopeless and tiring and lonely it is until they experience it. For someone with add, it is a curse with or without the addy. Either way we feel out of control and pathetic and stupid and different. But its ok. Because I have hope left that I will be ok, and that you will be ok. You can quit. You can quit cold turkey. So ok, so maybe you'll have withdrawl for a week...Maybe you'll cry and scream and zombie out- but it will pass. It will pass b/c it has to. If a heroin junkie can quit cold turkey so can you and so can i. Wait for winter break...Give yourself time to detox. I am here if you want to talk. Don't you dare give up on yourself. Think of your parents. Think of your future family. Don't you want to be healthy for your kids? Its never late. Never.

Good luck,

keep posting progress

I'm sick of hearing and reading about what people are saying about adderall. SHUT THE FRIK UP all of you! its a prescription medication for psychological disorders. its not some rave drug. gah daing. just because youve heard of "few" people abusing it and going off the top with it doesnt mean thats what it's purpose is! jeez! a medication is a medication, its not anyone's business except the prescribed person's. im serious, ive taken this med for years, i havent experienced any of the crud you guys are saying about it, all of the med bashing yall are doing is mainly out of spite and really bad assumptions and it kind of sounds like maybe yall have some kind of hypochondriac issues towards certain meds. every type of med has some media hype on it. adderall has a lot because its a class II controlled substance, big freeking deal. if schitzophrenia or diabetes or arthritis medications had CII written on its label they would probably have the same med bashing hype like adderall does, but it doesnt mean the meds are bad, its just that people are very negative and like to 'hate' on things they dont know too much about. stop hating and bashing these medications. just because the word amphetamine has a very miniscule irrelevant background and/or history does not mean anything, adderall is ONLY derived from amphetamines.. its not meth and its not something to get high off of and it doesnt destroy everyone's life. so shut up and if you want to bash on something how about you get all the facts and stop blurting out your useless opinions and stop trying to "scare" everyone.

Jennifer,

I doubt anyone here actually thinks that adderall’s medicinal purpose is for substance abuse. (I’m gonna use the brand name to refer to the drug as a whole, whether it be generic or XR, whatever.) Although adderall is a ‘controlled’ substance and “not some rave drug”, it is largely over-prescribed and misused in this country. Call it a medication, call it what you will, despite its medical purpose the truth is that it is used as a recreational drug, just like oxycontin or zanax, and they are just as legal as alcohol and cigarettes. Fortunately for you, you do not feel harmful side effects from adderall, but you don’t speak for the people who have experienced how detrimental it can be to one’s health, and who struggle with the addiction and dependency (just like a pack of smokes or booze). The only “bad assumption” that’s been made is you assuming how ridiculous all the “people” are that you think you can speak for.

There have been adderall related deaths in the past; I believe it was originally prescribed to aid in weight loss; it was banned for some time in Canada (not sure if it still is or not); and the short-term side effects are so ludicrous that I can only wonder what the long-term side effects of adderall usage are going to be in the future, seeing as how nobody can be quite certain yet. Let me know in another 20 years though. It could just be a hunch of mine…but I think that amphetamine is only a few chemical tweaks away from being methamphetamine.

It’s only natural for someone to dislike or hate a particular thing that has created unhappiness in their life, right? Some have a reason to be a negative hater toward this medication that you are so clear and adamant about protecting. People are here to get help…not to be lashed out on by some angry, stubborn, naïve pessimist who knows nothing about them.

Adderall IS used by certain people to get high, it has good potential to destroy lives, and not everybody calls it their best friend. Channel your frustration into something that’s beneficial and selfless instead. Until YOU know what you are talking about and have been selected by the mass to be the voice of experience and judgment, you should just stay put on the fence.

We are missing the root of why people are PRESCRIBED to take Adderall. It is because you have ADD or ADHD or for some sleep disorders. It is not used to motivate you at the end of a semester or to entice you to stay up all night to talk about illogical things with friends. People who have ADHD do not get "high" or anything similar to that like party drugs exl: cocaine or meth. I have been prescribed adderall for 10years. I have been on the same dosage for that whole period.
I struggled with the idea of taking a medication because some people doubt that it is truly a medication that it benefitual for people with ADHD. I believe it is the people who do not have ADD but are unable to motivate themselves in a classroom arena for reason that give this medication a bad name.
I won't group all people with ADD in the same category. Dr. are not perfect and sometimes make bad decisions, thus not prescribing medications to proper indivduals.

Amphetamines and methamphetamines are two wayyy different medications. Just put it this way when a meth lab is discovered people wear hazmat suits to clean the area, that is how dangerous the chemicals in meth are.
I think that those of us who are prescribed this medication or any stimulant medication that if we didn't have this drug we could still function in society. This medication does not make who you are and it is not miracle drug to make you into something you are not. yes, it attributes to your success because you can concentrate but you are a good student because your effort or inate ability.
-amen

Aderall is a horrible thing. I was presbrided it in the third grade and took it throughout highschool. While taking adderall I experienced extreme weight loss, i had previously been a chubby kid and found myself to be 13 and only weighing about 75 lbs. Aderall stunted by growth, and made me horribly depressed. I secluded myself from the world, had few friends, and on more then one occasion I heavily contemplated suicide. Due to the high amount of anxiety, depression and mood swings, i felt unreal, and outcast of society. I think that was why i started to hurt myself, i just wanted to feel real. It completely changed me, I had no personality, I was a robot. I never slept, or ate. I would stay up all night finally go to sleep at 5am and then wake up two hours later. I alos, and still have to this day pain in my chest. My heart would always hurt, and i would constantly shake. It gave me tremors. I still experience this every now and then, mind you i havent took it in 2 years. Yet, its still effects me. Adderall is proven to cause a number of psychological disorders such as bi polar disorder, depression, and psychosis. It's a terrible thing, and it should be illegal. It's legal meth, plain and simple. I felt all the side effects that a person using meth recreationally would feel, minus the high and euphoria. Sad, really. Get off it now. ps. as for the person accusing us of "med basing" you are so sadly believing everything that the pharmie companys want you to believe. You see, there will never be cures because there is too much money coming in from all the sick people. Cures= no more money. Sorry to burst your bubble, but that is the sad truth. Im sure you'll just shake your head at this. " You see drugs are illegal because they dont want you on the stuff you can buy from john down the street, they want you on their $%^&, all the better if you get addicted along the way."