I am 24 year old female and I am very
worried about my mental health. I have a
great career and am recently married
however, I feel as if my mood is always at
a high or low and never at a constant
medium. I have seen a psychologist in the
past about problems that have plauged me.
He prescribed paxil and I took it for
almost 2 yrs. I could feel an instant
change and learned to overcome past
problems and forgive myself for a lot of
things I had done. While visiting the
psychologist he did inform me that I have
experienced panic attacks. After he
described the symptoms I knew he was
right. From the outside I look as if I am
happy and content.
I feel very worthless and almost
disturbed. When I am at my "low times" I
start to think about the past that has
troubled me and it seems if everything
explodes from there.. Anger, crying,
frusteration, low self esteem and lack of
self worth. I compare myselves to others
even to my husband. I feel as if everyone
is superior to me. Jealously starts to
take over. There has been instances when
I have been driving in my car and have
thought about running my car into a light
pole or a concrete side and possibly
killing myself. I have even thought about
if I did do that would I die on impact?
These thougths terrify me.
Sometimes I think if I can just ride these
periods out and I will be ok. I having
racing thoughts and sometimes have "bigger
than life" ideas. I have even thought
about hurting people who I feel threatened
by but never would. I am afraid of these
thoughts!
I am scared to go to the doctor and
recieve a diagnosis. As I have stated
before, to friends, familey and society my
life looks completely perfect, but I am a
very good actress. To those that know me,
they would never guess that it is me
posting on this board. I want to feel
normal. I know what I am feeling is not.
This is something that feels very real and
I am so fearful. I want to be happy but
feel as I reach a constant roadblock.
Could this possibly be bipolar??????
If anyone has experienced this or knows
about how bipolar, please offer advice. I
am a christian and believe in god.
Sometimes I wonder how he could allow me
to experience this. Although, I have
thought about dieing I would never take my
own life b/c I do realize that god is
control of what goes on daily, however, I
know what I am feeling is not normal.
Thank you for reading. I appreciate your
messages.
|
Helden
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 28 Oct 2003 Posts: 12
Posted: 10-28-03 03:28am
Dear friend, you say you are afraid to go
to the doctor? Why? There are a wide
range of medications that are effective
for symptoms of anxiety and depression.
You are keeping your secret &
suffering in silence needlessly. Go to
someone who will understand, sympathize,
and find the best possible therapy for
you. Seeking therapy does not mean that
you are weak or lacking in faith. It
means that you are proactive.
|
i_frog_7
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Nov 2003 Posts: 2
Dear Heather...i Am Bp & a Pastors Wife. Posted: 11-02-03 23:01pm
Please seek the help you need. You have
nothing to be ashamed of. You are
exactly who god made you to be illness
& all. When I learned I was bp it
was a huge burden lifted. I finally knew
why I reacted to things the way I did.
For so long I felt like a huge hypocrite
but I didn't want to be. I thought it
was all a spiritual problem. Thankfully
god interveined & showed me it wasn't.
I have a doozy of a story believe me.
Through my illness I have learned who I am
in christ & it has brought me so much
closer to him. I am actually thankful I
have bp. Please read psalm 139 and cling
to every verse. God provided the
medications to help us be able to function
in this life & make our misery our
ministry. That is what I am doing. I
tell anyone & everyone what I have
& how god has changed my life because
of it. Please get the help you need
& cling to his word. God will see
you through this!
In his love,
shelley
|
medic 1
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 19 May 2004 Posts: 3 Location: midwest
Re: Worried Posted: 05-19-04 07:27am
You may think you are a good actress as my
wife does. However I get questions from
close friends and family about her well
being. Think of your husband and family
who have stood by you through your ups and
downs. Seek a definitive diagnosis and
treatment if needed. You owe it to
yourself and your family/friends. There
is much more to this world than just you.
Wouldn't it be nice to not have to "act"
all the time?
I too have become worried and I do have
pinic attacks.
But seek help please not just for you sake
but your familys as well. I am taking
paxil as well and I would advise you to
keep taking it.
I know alot of this for my sister killed
herself. This has left many questions of
why what could we have done?
Gweny2
