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chynadoll34

New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 26 Sep 2003
Posts: 9
Location: Detroit,MI
Rape
Posted: 10-17-03 08:02am

On tuesday a friend of mind was raped by approximately 3-4 different guys. She is my best friend. No one can replace our friendship. I know that this is a very traumatic experience, but what can I do as a friend to comfort her. She seems very distant from me since this has happened. I would expect that from her because of the experience that she had. I don't expect her to be normal in a couple of days, but I want to give as much support as possible. How can I show her that? Has anyone experience a rape and would like to share their experience? I really need to know what I can do as a friend to help my best friend! I forgot to mention that she encountered a sexually transmitted disease call gonnerraha. So that makes the situation extremely extra hard to deal with, because now she may be pregant. Unfornately, she doesn't believe in abortions. It doesn't make her a bad person because of that. Please help!!
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roasted

New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 Oct 2003
Posts: 15

Posted: 10-17-03 08:34am

Do you drive? Ehh well whether you do or not i'd take her out to movies and get a girls night out thing going. Maybe you can invite a few other close girl friends of yours as well. The reason I asked if you drive is because, personally I keep a bat in my car. I have an audio system in my car worth a lot so that's my reasoning behind that. I suggest you carry some sort of weapon on you. By the way a tip that I also heard was if you're being raped in public, and you yell fire instead of rape, generally you'll get more attention/help that way. Also, say you're walking around with her no bat or anything with!you guys and it happens again, got keys? Put 1!in between each finger and take a hard swing and run. The reason I keep saying these tips is because my girlfriend took a class on how to beat the hell out of a rapist so im damiliar with this stuff, plus you have some tips in case it happens again.

At any rate, take her to the movies, the mall, get a girls night out thing going. I'd say try to primarily keep!the group to females, unless you have a few guy friends who would be very supportive of her. I'd also watch what you say just in case she's sensitive to sex related comments at this point. I hope this helps, the best of luck to you guys!!
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qriosity

New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 16 Oct 2003
Posts: 40
Location: U.S.

Posted: 10-17-03 09:51am

The best thing you can do for your friend is be there for her... If she wants you to be. Just be yourself. Be a friend to her. Let her know that you care about her. But don't push her into talking about it, when she is ready, she will. Or she may never be ready to talk about it. But leave that up to her.

She may not want any special attention right now, she may need some time alone to deal with what's going on with herself emotionally. Or on the other hand, she may not want to be alone at all. (you should be able to tell by the way she acts - she'll let yo uknow if she needs her space) either way, it's best not to push yourself on her right now. I know that may be hard, cus you want to do whatever you can for her.

Good luck. And i'm sorry that she has to go thru this.

~qriosity~
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KissyBai912

Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 25 Aug 2003
Posts: 1762
Location: Venice, Florida

Posted: 10-17-03 19:46pm

Oh my goodness. First of all, I am so sorry that happened to your friend. No one, and I mean (in caps) no one should ever have to go through that. I think gonnorhea (or however you spell it) is treatable with antibiotics though. This is a huge decision on deciding whether to get an abortion or not. First of all, find out if she is or not. And if she is, let her know about adoption and such, if she wants to keep the baby, then my god is she amazing. I cant even imagine being in that situation let alone what I would do. Also, some tips. If your being assaulted, some good moves to know are, stomp down on the part of their foot where shoelaces go as hard as you can with your heel. There are many tiny bones in there that are easy to break. Also, kick them in the nuts as many times and as hard as you can with the part of your foot where shoelaces go. And a good one a teacher told me, always have your keys out, holding the longest one you've got in your hand. That way, you can try and take a good jab at their eye. I hope this helps, although I also hope you needn't ever use it. My regards to both you n ur friend. Sad
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Yazmine

Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 13 Oct 2003
Posts: 156

Posted: 10-17-03 20:01pm

I was also raped recently. Im very sorry for ur friend god be with her. But from my expierence I would say no matter what make sure u are there consently. Call her and talk to her all the time. Make sure she knows she is not alone. When u talk to her u dont even have to talk bout the rape unless she brings it up. Let her know ur there for her no matter what.


Yaz
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phillygurl

Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 04 Sep 2003
Posts: 56
Location: philadelphia
Some Advice
Posted: 10-17-03 21:42pm

In july I was raped by my sisters boyfriend and I got pregnant. I mad the choice to get an abortion because I was so devestated by this. Honestly there is nothing you can really do to make her better at the moment because her body is going to go through some emotional changes that may effect the people around her. Dont take it personal if she becomes distant, because she does not mean to do that to you but she may feel like she wants to be alone and isolate herself.Please keep a close watch on her because she may be suicidle.
Ps. Sorry to the girls on here that has experienced rape Crying
or Very sad
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lovemlj

New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 17 Oct 2003
Posts: 2
Location: fort bragg NC

Posted: 10-17-03 22:37pm

I was raped four years ago. I always thought that I was safe being 6 feet tall and 170 lbs. Well I was wrong but one good thing did come out of it. She has sky blue eyes and dirty blond hair. She is 45 inches tall at only four years old I remember that the person who raped me was about 6'8". I love her. My mother drove me to a clinic but after seeing the ultrasound I didn't want to do it I said it was ok that I could still love her. I have met a man that knows the truth and we have been married a little while now. Smile all I can tell you is what I always think of "this too shall pass" please think of your friend and what is good for her and noone else dod what is right for her if that means yes to an abortion than so be it but she should know that there is a bright side to keeping the baby.. I call it love.
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Suzy

Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 20 Sep 2003
Posts: 530

Posted: 10-17-03 23:01pm

Dear lovemlj,

i'm so sorry you were raped, I really had to reply to your post and say that you are a very inspirational person. Your story is sad and beautiful at the same time. I am so happy you could find it in yourself to love your little girl. That makes you an incredibly special person. Yes your daughter is the result of a horific criminal act, but she is also a little person who has the right to live and be loved, as it isn't her fault she is here. She is one very lucky little girl to have you as her mother.


Good luck and i'm sure all good things will come to you and your family, you deserve it.


.::suzy::.
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misguidedangel

New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 16 Oct 2003
Posts: 14
Location: texas
Rape
Posted: 10-18-03 11:43am

I was raped 7 years ago by an ex-boyfriend,i became pregnant at this time I was 16 years old ,my son was stillborn at 7 months gestation,this person has been stalking me ever since he raped me again 3 weeks ago I took him to court and due to my charges and others he got 25 years in prison.I now have a 4 year old son who is my inspiration,also I never would have made it through this trauma had it not been for my friends,just let her know you are there for her at any time,call her just to say I care,i am very sorry she had to go through this horrible thing god bless
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sparklypixie12

Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 17 Sep 2003
Posts: 3099

Posted: 10-18-03 16:27pm

Chynadoll-that is a terrible story.Ur poor friend must be devstated.Its gonna b so hard 4 her 2 come to terms with this (was she a virgin befre it happened?) and all u can do really is be there 4 her,listen to her when she needs and friend and let her no that ur their whenever she's feeling low.
I hope the no namers that did that have soemthing really bad happen to them.What kind of world r we ;iving in when this happens to a poor girl like this?Its so sick.
I agree with what roasted has sed (about bat & keys) and its the same here-people do shout fire instead of rape cos people r too scared to get involved if case the attacker has a gun and nowadays where I live, many people have guns.R world is a very scary place 2 b in.
All I can say really is that u need 2 b there 4 her and if she needs u,she'll come straight to u.Understand that its gonna take time 4 her to get her head around whats happening.She needs a gr8 friend like u
god bless u both-i'm so sorry this has happened
love liz x
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misty28

New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 10 Jun 2004
Posts: 6
Location: Georgia

Posted: 06-10-04 12:59pm

Rape is a terrible thing and needs to be controlled. I feel sorry for all rapists and feel they are sick in the head.


Last edited by misty28 on 07-14-04 02:30am; edited 1 time in total
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2ferano

Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 23 Dec 2003
Posts: 3717

Posted: 06-11-04 18:06pm

I just wanted to say how very sorry I am that you girls have gone through that. It is amazing to me though how many women really do get raped. Aren't the statistics like 1 in four women or something? And that is just the ones who report it. Very scary.

We need to find a way to stop this violence.
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sparklypixie12

Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 17 Sep 2003
Posts: 3099

Posted: 06-13-04 08:14am

Rape is a vile & vicious act and im so sorry anyone has had to go through that Twisted Evil I pity the man who'd try and do that to me Evil or
Very Mad
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angelbeans

New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 08 Jul 2004
Posts: 38

Posted: 07-08-04 23:44pm

I am very sorry for your friend... Rape is a horrible thing.

I would suggest just staying by her side. Even if she doesnt want to talk. Just being there means a lot. When something like that happens, she more than likely doesnt want to be alone.
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sandyallen

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Joined: 02 Feb 2004
Posts: 4580
Thanks: 1
Thanked:0

Posted: 07-10-04 01:12am

Chynadol. I am so very sorry to here about your best friend being raped! I agree with what griosity said and I do hope she recognized at least one of the rapists! I also hope that it was reported and the police investigated this!! I hope that she got good rape counseling!!! I wish they would start heavily sentencing these rapists and sex abusers(cutting their peepee's off and letting them slowly bleed to death would be o.K. By me), as I know there is far too much of this going on!!!! I hope that her family has helped her out with this.

All women do not react the same in a rape or abuse!

All women should take a self defense class where you learn what to do in these certain circumstances and I know a lot of us take the class and if and when it does happen we will react differently, I do wish you and your friend the best!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I hope your friend is o.K. By now, as I am sure this is something that no one can forget!
Sincerely,
sandy
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PattyV

Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 May 2004
Posts: 1103
Location: Chicago area
Chynadoll
Posted: 07-11-04 11:08am

I'm so very sorry to hear all these stories.Just be there for your friend,even if it means you just sit and cry together.Don't let her shut you out,just be there for her.Do her parents know that she was raped?She needs some counseling,there are many sources she can turn to .I hope she is not pregnant,but ,whatever she decides to do,just be there for her and love her.She is very fragile right now and needs support.Let her talk if she wants,if not,don't push it.Bring her some of her favorite things(food,books,music,whatever)if you can and try to get her some professional help.Bless you both.Pattyv
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2ferano

Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 23 Dec 2003
Posts: 3717
Misty28 Not Funny At All
Posted: 07-14-04 01:04am

I just wanted to bring something to everyone's attention. Here we are discussing a very tragic and serious topic.
Misty28 is a man. Aka niceguy and guy2004. So, unless he was going to get raped by some guys on his campus, it is all a lie.
Some people just have way too much time on thier hands. I guess since niceguy was banned for improper behavior, now he has to come back as a girl, and then another guy. Whatever.
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