He's Addicted to Porn

I've been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years and now that i live with him found porn. I was really hurt when i found out (i guess i was oblivious), confronted him and he said it was no big deal and he would stop because it wasn't important to him. Less than a week later he is still looking at it almost everyday! And trust me, he's not sex-starved.

I dont think its cheating or anything, and i realize it isnt a huge deal, but i do think it is disgusting. It makes it ten times worse that he's trying to hide it from me. I know men use it "just to get off" but it seems like the right foot in the direction to just seeing women as a piece of meat. I dont see how fake, often unattractive, girls are appealing!

I mean i want our sex to be intimate and meaningful (which i think it is or i thought) not just a step up from his internet porn. Plus, we have based our relationship on truth and I can't see how this is worth lying for.

I dont know, im not controlling and i dont want to be but this really bothers me. Any advice?

why do you let it bother you??? What are the real reasons??? I seems you want your man to act in a fashion that you like. Your relationship is built on honesty eh??? Does he know about you posting your complaints here???

Did you tell him you were going to do that, before you posted?? Did you tell him after you posted? Or were you just going to keep it to yourself???

What I am trying to say is, that it is his own personal thing. It is none of your business, and you should not be even worrying about that.

If he gets himself off, and still has room to give you some sugar, then what is the problem??? You worried he thinks what he has with you is just porn?? That is just crazy. Be happy you have a BF that likes sex, and finds the time to have sex with you??? He has an emotional bond with you. He does not have one for those girls. They are not even real to him. What you are worried about is like a grown adult having an emotional connection with their Teddy Bears from childhood. Do you know any adults that have a real connection with a stuff toy?? I do not.

Do not try to control your BF thoughts, and personal moments. Just because it does not appeal to you, does not mean it is wrong. Maybe it is not your thing, but do not try to impose your likes and dislikes on him. To me when you do that, you are not being honest really. You are basically saying" I like you, but lets see if I can make you fit my mold even more."

Why do some women feel they have the right to try and change their BFs or Husbands???? Especially with issues such as these? Such a minor thing IMO.

Well, I guess I'm your stereotypical girl. I am deeply bothered by porn, but I used to not be. It's messed up my life pretty badly at times, and probably ruined my once heavenly relationship. I understand that it's natural for men to look at porn, whatever. But when I had been with my boyfriend for 2 years, I found pictures of his ex girlfriends nude and their friends as well. Recent pictures! It totally destroyed me to stumble upon those. It ruined my trust for him and when I confronted him about it, he said he didn't know why he asked them for those pictures. How can you not know why you ask someone for nude pictures??? He also admitted that he sent pictures back to those girls....I was devastated. I love him to death and stayed with him after the incident. It's been 2 years since I found them and he claimed to have deleted them. But my trust for him has never been the same. I had pretty high self esteem before I found the pictures...then it plummeted. I tried to get over it, but I never could. I'm scarred for life and I admit it and accept it.

Later that year, I found a bunch of porn on his computer one day. I was very hurt because it was of one stupid female! I know she's a fake prostitute, but I was still hurt. I think I would have felt differently if I had found 20 different videos, but 30 videos of one girl made me feel like I had been cheated on. I gave up on trying to get him to tell me about his porn...I knew he'd keep lying to me. So I swallowed my issues with it and kept them bottled up. The anger built and I thought "If he did it, so can I". I kept remembering how destroyed I felt about him sending pictures of himself to other women...so I felt that if he didn't respect me enough to not do that, then why should I respect him? So I started sending sexy pictures of myself to a few men I knew. They would tell me how attractive I was, and my self esteem would build. I knew I was horrible for doing it, but it felt refreshing to finally feel attractive to someone. I was never nude, but close to it. I know this is a horrible story...but after reading this whole thread, I felt like I had to get it off my chest. That's how I've let porn destroy my morals. Let the posts telling me how horrible I am begin.

i know how you feel. & i can understand your reasoning as to why you also sent pics out. you can't let your self esteem plummet because of things like this though.. i did it for a while and it got me absolutely nowhere. when i was going thru a hard time with it.. i'd get all dressed up for him and do a little something different with my makeup & hair .. and he didn't always notice, but it made me feel better. as women, we can't base our level of self-esteem on a mans behavior.

i would be caught off guard too if i found 30 videos of the same chick. it would make me feel the same way as you said you felt. because it's like clearly knowing that someway somehow he had an attraction for that chick.

my boyfriend just so happens to think amy smart is the hottest female alive. he said if he ever got a chance with her, "all he'd need is 2 minutes" - so i mean little things like that kinda sting me a little but everytime she comes on a tv show or we're watching a movie or whatever, i feel so inferior.

but honestly, be strong. i don't know your relationship with your man personally but all i can tell you is to be as open as possible about it. i probably would've done the same thing as you did as far as the whole pic thing though.