Joined: 16 Nov 2004 Posts: 3 Location: SW Washington State
In Pieces Posted: 11-16-04 20:56pm
Hello:
i am a 49 year old male diagnosed:
dysthymic disorder with major recurring
depression.
In addition, I have a 25 year history of
drug abuse and alcoholism.
13 mental health facilities and 16
addiction treatment centers later here I
am.
(clean for 2 ½ years)
in my first 2 years of recovery from
substance abuse, I steered clear of
emotional entanglements. *(euphemism for
relationships)*
this last september I entered school. I
may possibly work the addiction counseling
field. I would also want specialize in
co-occurring disorders. Seemed like a
good thing to do. I have been on social
security disability for nearly 8 years and
I would like to change that.
Just before starting school I met someone.
This is the 1st time since getting clean;
I allowed myself this sort of involvement
with the opposite sex.
Just last week, after a fantastic week-end
of loving each other, talking of future
possibilities, she says bye-bye, cuz the
children’s father shows up on the radar.
Him - fresh out of treatment; she believes
all is going to be peachy and they will be
a family again.
That’s not the problem here however. I
accept what happened. Heck, I can even
see why she feels the need to give what’s
his face another chance.
Since the “big split” I have been in self
imposed exile in my room. I have skipped
a week of classes, my na home group and
missed 1 day of my 3-day a week part time
job.
I know “what” and ” why” and still I am
frozen with panic, hopelessness and self
loathing. It seems to me that if I fall
to pieces every time I experience a little
stress, getting off disability and having
a real job is just a pipe dream, not to
mention ever having a relationship.
This prognosis does not endear itself to
me in anyway. I have a precious few years
left on planet earth and I would like to
join in.
I have not gone anywhere, taken a shower
or eaten anything for almost 7 days nor do
I at this moment, want to.
To put it in a mildly understated way: my
life sucks !
Tim . . . . . . . .
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jriegel
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Nov 2004 Posts: 54
Posted: 11-17-04 15:26pm
Tim...My advice to you is to find one
thing that makes you happy. One thing
that you are grateful for.
If you keep living in "my life sucks" and
"frankly, I don't want to" you are never
going to get out of depression.
I don't know if you believe in god, if you
don't you are going to have a very
difficult road.
There are always simple things to be
grateful for. Call me crazy, but
yesterday I was eating and really enjoying
my lunch and I found myself being grateful
for having teeth in good condition, molars
that are intact and healthy that can chew
through food without pain.
Some days i'm so thankful for the sun that
makes every thing grow so it's not dead,
brown empty life outside the window.
You need to find one thing that you are
grateful for, even if it doesn't have a
single thing to do with you. I'm talking
simple stuff--be grateful that water
washes dirt off you. Be grateful that
shoes protect your feet, be grateful that
your ears work and you can hear things
around you, that your eyes work and you
can see, that your fingers and hands
function and you can get through
(physically) your life in normal way.
If you can't find anything to be be
thankful for, grateful for, happy about,
not even one thing, I doubt you will ever
get out of the place you are. It is a
self-imploding place and the only way to
get out if it is to change the way you
think...Even if you don't feel that way.
You tell yourself what to feel. You do
not let your feelings tell you who you
are, how life is.
Our feelings are absolutely necessary, but
they come after we've had a thought
process (even if we don't realize we've
had a thought process). Do not let your
emotions rule you. You rule your
emotions. If you find something to be
thankful for, even though you don't feel
it, you emotions will follow.
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Granps
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 12 Nov 2004 Posts: 225 Location: Arlington, TX
Depression Posted: 11-21-04 22:49pm
Farfromloozen
out of depression comes some real good
experiences. Sometimes it takes
depression to get us going. After 2 yrs
clean, you've accomplished something a lot
of people never do. Don't throw it away
now and quit allowing others to control
you. Your higher power wants something
good for you and you need to listen to
your heart. Get out there and help others
that are where you were 2 + yrs ago.
Get off the "pitty potty" and godbless
you.
By the way, you need to eat something,
too.
Russ
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drexl
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 09 Dec 2004 Posts: 37 Location: canada
Posted: 12-10-04 01:25am
I think you should continue to not take
showers but wash your armpits and anus
with a cloth, start eating crackers and
cheese and start setting your alarm clock
to wake up during the day and use your
social security money to do some volunteer
work outside your room, go help out anyone
don't bother with school your done face it
the chances of you meeting a hot girl and
living happily ever after are over. Go
volunteer with kids they are loads of fun
and entertaining and generally happy for
some weird reason that got me out of a
depression once. I think you also have to
not watch any tv because they tell you
what you want in order to be happy and
even if you are negative about the
messages it still dominates your values.
Depression is not real its a natural
reaction to a really shitty situation we
call life.
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Roxy
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 28 Dec 2004 Posts: 25 Location: Il
Posted: 12-28-04 02:58am
Hello ffl.
I agree with the others.You have
accomplishments you should be happy
about.Don't let 1 person dictate your life
for god's sake! In december 2001 my
husband of 13 yrs left me with 2
children,all the bills,a car loan,i had no
job,only a g.E.D and a month later my best
friend died whom I shared every thought
with,my father.The best father/friend
anyone on this earth can wish for. My
mother lost her home that he provided her
with to the government because she
couldn't afford the payments.She was
forced to live w/relatives.How I managed
to eat or stay sane,i'll never know.But,i
found a reason.My father always told me to
appreciate life,your health cause you only
get one! He never smoked,drank,nor did
drugs.He died from asthma:( I went on to
earn my associates degree to further my
education and along the way,i gave birth
to a beautiful girl.She,along with my
other two children give me a reason to go
on.I have had depressive moments but,life
and time go on.Smile please,give yourself
some credit.Believe me,someone out there
will be affected by your positive
contributions you give.Have a nice day
tim:)
