Pregnancy

q: should I have a baby after 35?
A: no, 35 children are enough.

Q: i'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A: with any luck, right after he finishes college.

Q: what is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?
A: childbirth.

Q: my wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's borderline irrational.
A: so what's your question?

Q: my childbirth instructor says it's not pain i'll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?
A: yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.

Q: when is the best time to get an epidural?
A: right after you find out you're pregnant.

Q: is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor?
A: not unless the word "alimony" means anything to you.

Q: is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?
A: yes, pregnancy.

Q: do I have to have a baby shower?
A: not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly.

Q: our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?
A: when the kids are in college.