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Suicidal Freak

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This is what am being called by the town hospital. Just this year I have attempted suicide 5 times. But my loving husband prevents the worse. I am 29 and I was diagnosed as having bipolar disorder at 24, when I made my first real attempt. The last time I have attempted was last saturday with 3 different types of medication, I really wanted to ended it because I felt that all that I have done is mess up my husband's life. I am so out of control that I don't even know when I am in normal state. Usually I go from manic to depressed several times a day, and the meds are helping but not completly, in the last year I have changed meds 3 times. I feel so bad for my husband for putting up with all of this, I keep telling him that he is better off without me, but he is still here.
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replied November 15th, 2004
Attempted Suicide
Gina,

how has the hospital helped you when you husband brings you in after you attempt to kill yourself?

Yes, your husband is a loving presence in your life. Hug him when you can...

Have you researched the web to find out about other disorders? Are you sticking with bipolar as your problem? Is your mind open to some other disorder along with a bipolar diagnosis?

I wonder how many people who are bipolar, attempt suicide?

Remember suicide is a choice you can make. A very permanent solution to a problem that can be fixed. Bipolar is one of the most treatable of mental illnesses.

Are you seeing someone you can talk with or do you have family and friends that know you and will help you?

I am concerned about you..Ruby
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replied November 15th, 2004
Experienced User
Bi-polar Disorder
Hi gina,
I am from the usa and live in new york. I have suffered all my life from this terrible ilness. I am now 59 years old. Yes, it is baffling, overwhelming, discomforting. A royal pain in the neck, and definitely a hard disorder to live with. First, remember that it is not your fault, it is a chemical imbalance in the brain.I am what is known as a rapid cycler and can also manic and depressed at the same time. Lol that is a ball game and a half!! My husband died 2 years ago this past october and boy have I been lost without him. What a great support and comfort to me he was. We would have been married almost 38 years. I could go on forever but if you sense kindness in this message, please feel free to email me .
may god bless and keep you strong for he has never deserted me all the years I have been sick nor will he you.

In christ,
leslie lane
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replied November 16th, 2004
Suicide Attempt
Dear ruby,

thank you for your reply. Everytime I go into the hospital all they do is criticize me, they probably think I do it as an attention grabber.
When I have attempted to commit suicide it is because I feel like I am in a whole so deep that I can´t see my way out of it. I feel like I am a total failure and a waste of living matter.
When I am able to think rationally, then I think how stupid I was to attempt suicide and how lucky I am in relation to many others. I am a rapid cycler bipolar which is accompanied by anxiety attacks.
My husband helps me a lot, I have a doctor that helps me a lot and a psychologist who is also a great help. But when I am in the whole I can´t reach out to anyone, I refrain from talking to anyone.
Right now, I am ok, thank you for your concern.

Gina
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replied November 16th, 2004
Bipolar Disorder - Leslie
Dear leslie,

thank you for your reply. I am truly sorry about your loss. I too, am a believer in god, but unfortunately when I am in the whole I can´t grab on to him. I wish I could, but so far I am unable. Thank you for your kindness and concern,

gina
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replied November 16th, 2004
Experienced User
Gina
Hi,
I know how you feel. It is so over whelming. I just came out of a bad depression and understand that it takes every ounce of your strenght just to smile and want to do something.I have a very good listening heart and ear and know it helps to talk to someone who really hears what you are saying. Please know that I truly care, are not some "nut" .

God hold you close to his heart and remember gina that he does love you and so does this lady through his son.


Love leslie
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replied November 20th, 2004
Being In the Hole of Depression
What does it take to stay out of the hole?


If I do get into the hole who can get me out of it?


Do I have a plan written down of what steps to take when I am in the hole?


I am like a dog with a bone I grab on to anything that I can use when I am balanced to learn how to deal with this bipolar disorder.

Gina, rapid cycler, what can you do? What meds help? Go to the bipolar world site....Perhaps Dr. Phelps has some writings that can get you on the right track.
love and prayers....Ruby
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