This is what am being called by the town hospital. Just this year I have attempted suicide 5 times. But my loving husband prevents the worse. I am 29 and I was diagnosed as having bipolar disorder at 24, when I made my first real attempt. The last time I have attempted was last saturday with 3 different types of medication, I really wanted to ended it because I felt that all that I have done is mess up my husband's life. I am so out of control that I don't even know when I am in normal state. Usually I go from manic to depressed several times a day, and the meds are helping but not completly, in the last year I have changed meds 3 times. I feel so bad for my husband for putting up with all of this, I keep telling him that he is better off without me, but he is still here.
I am from the usa and live in new york. I have suffered all my life from this terrible ilness. I am now 59 years old. Yes, it is baffling, overwhelming, discomforting. A royal pain in the neck, and definitely a hard disorder to live with. First, remember that it is not your fault, it is a chemical imbalance in the brain.I am what is known as a rapid cycler and can also manic and depressed at the same time. Lol that is a ball game and a half!! My husband died 2 years ago this past october and boy have I been lost without him. What a great support and comfort to me he was. We would have been married almost 38 years. I could go on forever but if you sense kindness in this message, please feel free to email me .
may god bless and keep you strong for he has never deserted me all the years I have been sick nor will he you.
thank you for your reply. Everytime I go into the hospital all they do is criticize me, they probably think I do it as an attention grabber.
When I have attempted to commit suicide it is because I feel like I am in a whole so deep that I can´t see my way out of it. I feel like I am a total failure and a waste of living matter.
When I am able to think rationally, then I think how stupid I was to attempt suicide and how lucky I am in relation to many others. I am a rapid cycler bipolar which is accompanied by anxiety attacks.
My husband helps me a lot, I have a doctor that helps me a lot and a psychologist who is also a great help. But when I am in the whole I can´t reach out to anyone, I refrain from talking to anyone.
Right now, I am ok, thank you for your concern.
thank you for your reply. I am truly sorry about your loss. I too, am a believer in god, but unfortunately when I am in the whole I can´t grab on to him. I wish I could, but so far I am unable. Thank you for your kindness and concern,
I know how you feel. It is so over whelming. I just came out of a bad depression and understand that it takes every ounce of your strenght just to smile and want to do something.I have a very good listening heart and ear and know it helps to talk to someone who really hears what you are saying. Please know that I truly care, are not some "nut" .
God hold you close to his heart and remember gina that he does love you and so does this lady through his son.