I know this is off the subject but I knwo
sometimes our days are hetic or just seem
to be crappy and we need to alugh so heres
some joks for you guys:
poor skunk
there was a man and his wife walking down
the road on their way home.
The wife saw a baby skunk laying in the
grass, so she decided to take it home and
take care of it. On the way home they
came up to a river. The wife, concered
for the skunk, asked her husband what to
do with the skunk so he doesn't get wet.
The husband replied: "well, stick him up
your dress". The wife, again concered,
asked: "what about the smell?". The
husband replied: "awww, he'll get use to
it."
girls night out
two women friends had gone for a girls
night out, and had been decidedly
over-enthusiastic on the cocktails.
Incredibly drunk and walking home, they
needed to pee. They were very near a
graveyard and one of them suggested they
do their business behind a head stone or
something.
The first woman had nothing to wipe with
so she thought she'd take off her panties,
use them, then throw them away. Her
friend, however, was wearing a rather
expensive underwear set and didn't want to
ruin hers but was lucky to salvage a large
ribbon from a wreath that was on one of
the graves and proceeded to wipe herself
with that. After finishing, they then
made off for home. The next day the first
woman's husband phoned the other husband
and said, "these daymn girls night out
have got to stop. My wife came home last
night without her panties." "that's
nothing, said the other husband, "mine
came back with a card stuck between the
cheeks of her a$$ that said, "from all of
us at the fire station, we'll never forget
you."
nude drive
a young couple is out carousing one
evening. While driving down the highway
the guy says to the girl, "if I go 100
miles an hour, will you take off your
clothes?" she agrees and he begins to
speed up. When the spedometer hits 100
she starts to strip. When she gets all
her clothes off he is so busy staring at
her that he drives off the road and flips
the car. The girl is thrown clear without
a scratch but her clothes and her
boyfriend are trapped in the car. "go get
help.", he pleads. She replies, "i can't,
i'm naked." he points to his shoe that was
thrown clear and says "cover your snatch
with that and go get help." she takes the
shoe, covers herself, and runs to the gas
station down the road. When she arrives
she is frantic and yells to the attendant,
"help! Help! My boyfriend's stuck!" he
attendant looks down at the shoe covering
her crotch and replies, "i'm sorry miss.
He's too far in."
nudist colony
bob joins a very exclusive nudist colony.
On his first day he takes off his clothes
and starts wandering around. A gorgeous
petite blonde walks by him and the man
immediately gets an erection. The woman
notices his erection, comes over to him
grinning sweetly and says: "sir, did you
call for me?" bob replies: "no, what do
you mean?" she says: "you must be new
here; let me explain. It's a rule here
that if I give you an erection, it implies
you called for me." smiling, she then
leads him to the side of a pool, lays down
on a towel, eagerly pulls him to her and
happily lets him have his way with her.
Bob continues exploring the facilities.
He enters a sauna, sits down, and farts.
Within a few seconds a huge, horribly
corpulent, hairy man with a firm erection
lumbers out of the steam towards him. The
huge man says: "sir, did you call for me?"
bob replies: "no, what do you mean?" the
huge man: "you must be new here; it is a
rule that when you fart, it implies you
called for me." the huge man then easily
spins bob around, bends him over the bench
and has his way with him. Bob rushes back
to the colony office. He is greeted by
the smiling naked receptionist: "may I
help you?" bob says: "here is your card
and key back. You can keep the $500
joining fee." receptionist: "but sir,
you've only been here a couple of hours;
you only saw a small fraction of our
facilities..... "bob replies: "listen
lady, I am 58 years old, I get a hard-on
twice a month, but I fart 15 times a
day!
The only thing that the irs has not yet
taxed is the male penis.
This is due to the fact that 40% of the
time it is hanging around unemlpoyed, 30%
of the time it is hard up, 20% of the time
it is pissed off and 10% of the time it is
in the hole. On top of that, it has two
dependents and they are both nuts.
Effective january 1st, 2004 your penis
will be taxed according to size. The
brackets are as follows:
10"- 12" luxury tax..........$30.00
8"- 10" pole tax.............$25.00
5"- 8" privilege tax.........$15.00
4"- 5" nuisance tax..........$3.00
males exceeding 12" must file under
capital gains. Anyone under 4" is
eligible for a refund. Please do not ask
for an extension!!!
Sincerely, pecker checker irs
****note*****
we are still waiting for answers for the
following questions:
- are there penalties for early
withdrawals? - what if one's penis is
self employed? - do multiple partners
count as a corporation? - are condoms a
deductible expense as work clothes? - is
there an additional tax if you are not
circumcised?
