1. If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it will always be yours. If it doesn't come back, it was never yours to begin with. But, if it just sits in your living room, messes up your stuff, eats your food, uses your telephone, takes your money, and doesn't appear to realize that you had set it free....... You either married it or gave birth to it.

2. Reason to smile: every 7 minutes of every day, someone in an aerobics class pulls a hamstring.

3. They keep telling us to get in touch with our bodies. Mine isn't all that communicative but I heard from it the other day after I said, "body, how'd you like to go to the six o'clock class in vigorous toning?" clear as a bell my body said, "listen fatty....Do it and die."

4. My mind not only wanders, it sometimes leaves completely.

5. The best way to forget all your troubles is to wear tight shoes.

6. The nice part about living in a small town: when you don't know what you're doing, someone else always does.

7. Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today.

8. Amazing! ! You hang something in your closet for a while and it shrinks two sizes!

9. Sometimes I think I understand everything, then I regain consciousness.

10.. I read this article that said the typical symptoms of stress are eating too much, impulse buying, and driving too fast. Are they kidding?
That's my idea of a perfect day.