Hi. I am new to this forum and was hoping someone could give me some advice.

I am 29 years old. First dxed w/ clinical depression in 1998 and then when mother died of suicide in 2001 was dxed with bipolar disorder. I also have a tremendous fear of dying constantly.(ex: I had a pap smear done 3 weeks ago and until I received the letter from my doc. That everything was okay, I had myself convinced I had cancer.) I have extreme boudts of panic attacks, and as strange as this seems, my mother talks to me in my head. Well, the p.Doc. That dxed me with bipolar told me that it was a mental thing that I hear my mother and that it would go away in time as part of the greiving process. This was 3 years ago and her voice is only getting stronger and louder. Actually, I can only get about 2-3 hours of sleep a night because she won't allow it. She says if she can't sleep then I shouldn't either. I have even mentioned this problem to my family doc.,(big mistake,) now she treats me like I am some kind of freak and recommended finally, after asking her several times for her opinion that I seek help at a hospital. The only problem is that I went to 3 different hospitals for help and nobody will treat me unless I am a threat to myself or others. Which I am not. I am on medicaid and the p.Doc. That I see is the only one that will accept the medical card in my county. I would have to travel at least 100 miles or more to get to the next closest one and that is just not possible. Also, just the ohter day I received some paperwork to fill out for my pending ssdi and I answered the question about do I ever hear voices, yes. I also put that nobody will beleive me and I have not had the chance to be treated. Was that a bad idea??